- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
So I am the youngest of 4 sisters in my family. I have been engaged for about a year now, and my wedding is coming up in a couple weeks. We are having a destination wedding with just a very small group of people showing up.
A couple of months ago certain members of my family decided to book their flights/hotels together as a group and go together, which is great. I am thrilled for them to come out to our wedding, and enjoy it as sort of a getaway or “vacation” for them, however…just recently this raised some concern. My family in groups can be very hard to shake…they lose track of time, get caught up in things, basically they get distracted….. This so called group of family has to be at our hotel the day before the wedding for rehearsal, and well… they want to sightsee that same day and seem to have made that more of a priority than my wedding. Members of this “group” of family are in the wedding party, so it’s crucial that they are there. Even still, they are treating it like it’s no big deal if they show up or not and acting like my wedding won’t be a “real” wedding or something and it will be so laid back that they won’t have to worry about anything. Look, I understand with having a destination wedding that people are going to want to see things during their travels (and I want them to see things, and I want it to be laid back), but they need to remember why they are there, and that this is an actual wedding that needs to be organized….Right now I am terrified of them getting so distracted by everything interesting to do that they’ll miss the rehearsal and won’t be up to par with things. This is so annoying. How do I put my foot down and tell them they need to be there that day without turning into the bad guy or “bridezilla?”
Please don’t ask me why I didn’t get eloped. I’ve asked myself this many times, but it always comes down to me wanting to have my family there for support – something that I really needed, or else I will regret it or be sad on my wedding day.
To give you some back story….
One of my older sisters just recently got married back in April. Her wedding was a huge church wedding with hundreds of people, and seemingly more traditional or “socially acceptable” than mine. I was happy for her, but that just isn’t who I am, and because I was too preoccupied with my own wedding, she fired me as a bridesmaid. I’ve been hurt by it ever since. But I think the thing that drove me nuts the most about getting married the same year was the fact that everything was going to be compared – and I can honestly say IT HAS BEEN since the very beginning. And nothing would have mattered if she or I would have waited, it still would be compared. My other sister who has been married for years is still comparing HER wedding to mine now too. It’s been very difficult for me to stay true to myself and what I want for ME, and not THEM….so I’ve been sort of battling with trying not to please everyone else, but still be reasonable…and not turn into bridezilla…but seriously sometimes I just want to punch someone in the face and push everyone out of my way. Am I out of line? lol….
Just recently, I asked if one of my sisters (who is in the wedding party) could do me a simple favor and take responsibility for cueing the music that we have for our ceremony. It will be on an iphone and we need someone to just start and stop the music. Simple right? Since our group is so small, we need someone who is standing up by the PA system to do it, and I only have one person to do it (the other people don’t know how to use an iphone so i don’t trust them!)…. Well, turns out she made a big stink about having this responsibility and made me feel like it was asking too much because she just wanted to be able to relax this time around (meaning, she had too much responsibility at my other sister’s wedding and doesn’t want to put forth the same amount of effort for me)….or at least that’s how I see it. Then she made it a point to explain to me that this shouldn’t be her responsibility and it should be someone at the venue doing it because I paid them too much money. Our wedding planner/event coordinator specifically told us we would need to designate someone in our party to do this since they will be busy making sure other things are in order. I was ticked at my sister….just because she has only made me feel worse about paying so much for the event and while I agree with her that my planner should be doing this, she isn’t. So…complaining about it isn’t going to solve the problem. And I also think that I have just as much right to be confused and upset with my sister for not doing this for me, as I would be with my wedding planner not doing it. It is one. simple. thing. But it has turned into this huge inconvenience?? Am I really reaching for the stars here? Really? The reason it ticks me off as much as it does is that my sister was willing to go the extra mile at my other sister’s wedding and SPEAK up in front of hundreds of family. And you’re telling me THAT wasn’t asking too much, but pressing a button on an iphone is?
I will find someone else and it’s no big deal….but I just needed to vent. This is so ridiculous.