Family name debacles

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
10556 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re better than me, I wouldn’t even respond. 

Post # 3
Member
5582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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elleleigh :  

I think your simple reply is a good idea. I wouldn’t blame you for not acknowledging the letter, but your little note would be you taking the high road.

He’s not wrong for correcting, but I agree with you that it was a bit extra. Did he mail a letter or was it a Facebook note? Or was it a note included with their rsvp? I think mailing a hand written letter to correct you would be even more extra.

Post # 5
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

As a female physician who kept my own name after marriage, I think it’s nice that he is trying to support his wife by making her title and name known to his family members. It was direct, but that doesn’t make it rude. I don’t think you are obligated to reply. I would just make sure her placecard at the wedding has her proper name on it, etc.

Something similar but different happened to me with my wedding invitations. I was inviting a close  friend of my husband’s family. I was only ever introduced to her by her first name (let’s call her Sara Beth). I had met her daughter once, who has a hyphenated last name (for example Katie Smith-Ryder). I addressed the invitation to Ms. Sara Beth Smith… well, I later received an email explaining that Smith was her ex-husband’s last name and her name was actually Sarabeth (no space) Ryder. I felt SO dumb for calling her by her ex’s last name (which she never took even when they were married!) but it was an honest mistake. I fixed her name on the guest list and everything was fine.

Post # 6
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I don’t see the act of correction as rude, that line at the end about how will you address her is a bit smug but whatever. I’d just say something like “Please convey my apologies to Dr. Smith. While we’re clearing the air, my name is spelled XXXX. Hope to see you both at our wedding, thanks for touching base.”

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

I would probably spend a day debating whether or not to reply at all and then would send a quick message back, “Good to know, thanks!” 

It didn’t really bother me until the “Which will you use from now on?” part. That made it feel like a bit of a scolding. 

Post # 8
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee

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kxbx :  I’m with you 100%. That is exactly how I would respond.

Post # 9
Member
4255 posts
Honey bee

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kxbx :  I am also 100% on board with this reply.

Post # 10
Member
9784 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Like, an actual paper letter in the mail? I would have thrown it in the trash. Sorry not sorry. I try my best to address people correctly of course, but shit happens.

If it was an email I’d go with kxbx’s response.

Post # 11
Member
7696 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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elleleigh :  He was fine until “Which will you use from now on?” Totally unnecessary.

His “if you are being formal” leads me to believe he just want to make certain her place card is correct. Is he known for being rude? If not, I’d just let it go.

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I wonder if by “which will you use from now on?” was directed at whether you’ll be taking your husband’s last name or keeping your own? Like he knows thats a thing and wants to use the correct way to address you in the future.

Post # 13
Member
5582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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Keeblerelf928 :  

That’s an excellent point, the note could be read that way too. It changes the tone of the letter for me

Post # 14
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

Yup I think this is what he meant too! 

View original reply
Keeblerelf928 :  

Post # 15
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

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elleleigh :  yikes. We don’t currently have this drama, but we will soon. I know I might get some heat for what I’m about to wrote, but it’s just our opinion. 

Fiance’s parents Are both Medical doctors. Everyone refers to them as dr. So and so. My fiancé will be a doctor in a couple years. We will likely all refer to him as dr. So and so. My fiancé’s sister has a PHD in geology. As a family, we do not call her doctor. My fiancé refuses to call her doctor because he thinks it diminishes his parents and his own profession. I’m honestly indifferent. I wouldn’t want my friends and family calling me Master Lolac just because of a degree.

I noticed that you mentioned your mom’s cousin’s wife has a doctorate. It was clear if she had an MD or a PhD, but I assume PhD given that she was immediately referred to as doctor. 

View original reply
sparkosity :  only wanted to ask if you have experienced the distinction in a family setting and how you would go about it. 

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