Family name debacles

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
777 posts
Busy bee

I fully agree that when you respond you should correct how he spells your name as well.

People saying that calling someone by the wrong name is inexcusible shouldn’t draw such a hard and fast line. Some people aren’t on Facebook, some people aren’t on LinkedIn, some people just wouldn’t think to investigate if they had never heard that someone was to be addressed otherwise.

We invited one couple to our wedding that moved to a different state. My dad talks to his friend probably once a month, catching up on old college days and friends, but had no idea that this man’s new partner is a doctor. Sometimes in certain relationships that stuff never comes up. When we received their response card they had the correct name on there, and he also mentioned it to my dad the last time they spoke on the phone in a very conversational way. While on one hand it’s good that your uncle went directly to the source (you), he also could have told his sibling (one of your parents) about it in a more casual way, which may have avoided a lot of the confusion and not knowing how to take his note.

Post # 32
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
lolac :  My brother has a PhD which he is very proud of so uses the title Dr. Anytime I address anything to him it is always Dr Twizbebrother never Mr. The only time he doesn’t use the title Dr is on flights because he was once approached on a flight to help with a passenger who had fallen ill and had to explain that he is not that kind of Dr.

Post # 33
817 posts
Busy bee

As others have noted I think he was being polite and asking  what name you wanted to be called by after the wedding. And as a woman who doesn’t share a name woth my husband it is super annoying when people assume I do—he’s probably trying to be supportive. 


Definitely correcr him about your name! It sounds like he’s a person who would want to get it right.

Post # 34
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

View original reply
Twizbe :  ah. I see, I’ve seen those flights situations happen before, though his Dr title isn’t on the flight manifest, so I wonder how they knew he had a Dr title? Must be annoying for him to have to correct people. 

Post # 35
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

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kxbx :  perfect response! 

Post # 36
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

this happened to us as well with his cousin. we spelled their last name with a K instead of a C and she friggin wrote on our online GUEST BOOK “so excited! by the way its a c, not a k”………we were both irritated because who cares?! tactless. so heres what i did. absolutely nothing. i didnt respond or acknowleddge. i dont even care if its petty. i found it rude

Post # 37
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

lolac :  whoa he refises to acknowledge her doctorate because he thinks theirs is so much better. I mean I joke on geologists and geology being a soft science and them having rocks in their heads ect (I had a close friend who is a geology phd) as much as any other stem person but refusing to acknowledge the degree takes it to a new level. That’s really rude she must be really really chill not to outright be like f*** You and the high horse you rode in on. Don’t expect her to call him Dr when he gets his degree bc I know I sure wouldn’t if I were her.

In the medical field as well as in academia women are constantly being referred to anything but Dr while their male counterparts are routinely called Dr. It’s frustrating and irritating to not be taken as seriously when you are an expert in your field because someone didn’t introduce you as Dr. So-and-so. And the ever so irritating “nurse when will the Dr be in?” Frustration bleeds into social settings as well. I think it’s cool that her fiance stuck up for her like that. I always call my colleagues Dr unless they explicitly stated that they would prefer a more casual name. With family it’s only Dr when being mocked a la “that’s Dr stupid butthead to you” But if she’s not close enough family to be calling a stupid butthead then she’s not close enough to drop the Dr.

I think he was asking what he should call you which is a perfect Segway into correcting how he spells your name. The Drs for my wedding were addressed as such and I even asked one of them if his wife was a Dr so I could correctly address the invite. He privately sent you a letter with the RSVP which honestly was probably easier to do it that was since he was already at the task of writing and snail mailing .

Post # 38
13210 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
annabananabee :   “I think just changing it on the rsvp would have been passive aggressive rather than communicating directly like he did.”

While everyone is right that it’s not rude to tactfully correct someone who got your name wrong, I would have done it differently. It’s not passive aggressive to ignore an unintentional mistake, though. And OP is not changing anything, it’s her name! 

Post # 39
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

Here in Australia someone with a PhD is titled (for example) Dr. Sarah Smith (PhD) and it must include the PhD in brackets so that it’s clear it is related to the doctorate 

You have to hold a medical/health profession qualification to be styled as Dr. Sarah Smith and then you may have (MD), (MBBS), (BPharm) whatever after but it’s accepted to just be titled Dr. Sarah Smith if you are a medical professional. 

I believe this is to limit confusion? 


Post # 40
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I’m sorry I’m going against the entire thread here, but why do some people with doctoral degrees feel the need to do this? To me it is yet another way to make oneself feel superior to others. I have doctors and lawyers in my family and friends who are doctors and hold very respectable jobs. However, NONE of them make a huge fuss about this stuff probably because becoming a doctor was their choice and it shouldn’t place them superior or where people have to have worry about how they address them. Unless someone is calling you out of your name disrespectfully I don’t understand this whole notion that we as a society have placed on it. I was a nanny for a couple that were both doctors and they’re cool to this day with my husband and I just calling them by their first names. They don’t act all superior and I’m doctor so and so. You’re  a person who earned a degree with many years of school. Congrats. Titles don’t make people any better than the next person or next profession. 


Sorry OP I think it’s ridiculous and I would not even acknowledge his letter. 

Post # 41
4696 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I kind of find this quite funny. An actual Doctor (surgeon) I work with had this same thing happen when he got married. The partner of their invited relative had recently unbeknownst to them, obtained their doctorate and they’d accidentally sent out an invitation using Mr Joe Bloggs instead of Dr Joe Bloggs. They got an email in a similar style to the one you received OP but made a point to say we call you Dr john Smith out of honor and respect of your position and qualifications. He found it hilarious that they picked up at him for his incorrect use of title but ironically this doctor was a surgeon so he is actually technically addressed as Mr John Smith!! 😂😂😂

Post # 43
9511 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
BalletParker :  

Rarely, it’s  an English thing.  I met a young surgeon who  had just  emigrated to Australia and  he said he was so disappointed  that he had made it to the majestic ” Mr’ as a surgeon in the UK and then got to Australia only to be  called Dr again ! 

This “Here in Australia someone with a PhD is titled (for example) Dr. Sarah Smith (PhD) and it must include the PhD in brackets so that it’s clear it is related to the doctorate”     is news to me,  and I  have lived her for years and been an academic for years here too.  Must be something  new ……

Post # 44
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Baltimore, MD

I read his letter as, “how should I address OP in the future?”. Maybe he wants to know your name in case he is gifting you a check?

Post # 45
1246 posts
Bumble bee

imo getting offended by being corrected on something as personal as how someone wants to be addressed is silly. it wasn’t a malicious mistake on your part, i wouldnt think its a malicious correction on their part. to reply or not is up to you. obviously you’ll correct your mistake on placecards, etc so its no big deal in the long run. 

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