Post # 1
Hi everyone…Im new to the site…lovely to say hello!
So Im engaged, getting married in August to a wonderful guy. I come from quite a large family…there’s a lot of water gone under the bridge over the last few years and most of my siblings/parents/extended family are unlikley to come to the wedding. I didnt think this would bother me. THe day is about the two of us. But now, as some bitter/nasty replies to the wedding invitations are coming back, Im finding it’s really getting to me. I’m scared Im going to feel like a stranger at my own wedding as most of the guests now will be my fiance’s. Im also worried about how he will feel…Im sure other guests will notice and comment and I feel guilty for that. Im beginning to wonder if we made a mistake in having a more formal wedding at all, and am thinking maybe we should re-think and scale everything down (including my dress which is a traditional gown).
Im just wondering if anyone else is going through the same and how they are coping with this and what your opinions are on what we should do? Also, any practical suggestions about the uneven guest list would be appreciated.
Post # 2
I have a similar situation. Please don’t feel guilty, sad, or anything other than excitement for your big day. Trust me when I say, if you live the day to the fullest and really, truly enjoy yourself with or without them, they will be the ones to regret missing the day.
Uneven guest list is fine. Continue your planning. Make sure you include things that will make you supremely happy the day of. And focus on what the day means instead of who is (or isn’t) in attendance. It will be great 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t really have any family left (mom deceased since I was a child and dad died while I was in my thirties). My now husband has a large extended family. We had very uneven guest lists. It was all ok. I didn’t really think if it the day of at all. My son walked me down the aisle. My now husband wanted a family processional, so two friends of mine walked, as did my son’s fiancé. We didn’t do a bride or groom side for seating and no one commented. It was a great day. It may not be the day you envisioned, but maybe it will be better!
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad about what should be a happy day. I am not in this situation but I will say that I have been to quite a few weddings in the last 10 years and I can’t say I ever really noticed or was able to tell which guests belonged to who. Our guest list is grossly uneven (6 are his 56 are mine) but we know that everyone is there because they love us and support us. Enjoy your day the way you want to have it and whoever has a problem can just keep on walking.
Post # 5
We are going to have a bit of an uneven guest list as well.. our solution was to make sure everyone was sitting wherever.. not that certain people to sit on one side.. i feel like the only ones that will notice is you! i hope you just try to enjoy your special day.. its unfortunate that they decided that they won’t be attending, try not to let it bother you too much! its your day!
Post # 6
I totally get this! To make a long story short growing up i was very close to my mother despite her personal problems and not close at all to my dad due to his personal problems then he got his shit mostly together and she let herself fall apart, Iv had off and on contact with her since gr5 and have been 100% no contact for about 3years I have accepted shes not in my life its as if the mother i grew up with died but since getting engaged iv been super emotional about it and wanted contact but know that its pointless. My bfs family is 85ppl mine including plus ones,friends and family im not super close to will be maybe 55 it sucks. All I can do is say try to remember everyone is there for both of you even people who know him better than you theyre still there for you as well its not about numbers and as much as it hurts you have a new family now
Post # 7
I can relate. However, for me, it was important to do a traditional wedding with my FI’s close family regardless. It means a lot culturally for my FI’s family and him being the oldest son puts more importance on it (not that he cares – he would have been fine eloping). I want to have the memory of his grandmother being there for him on that day because she did a lot for him and time is short. I also want to enter the family in the “right” way for their culture. It means a lot for them to accept me into it. That said, all the people attending are of relation to my Fiance and my Fiance alone. So, I get the outsider feelings. However, if you do have a good relationship with his family and friends, you just have to remember they fully accept you and are just as excited for you to have this day as well. Try not to put too much negative thought on it. Everyone will be happy and enjoy witnessing the moment you both become husband and wife.
My ceremony doesn’t have a seat required like in churches. However, as others have said, I would just make sure it’s known that people aren’t to “pick sides”. There’s a lot of cute DIY signs for this purpose that you could make. 🙂
Good luck! Your day will be great! Live up the day for you and your fiance. Don’t give up what you want.
Post # 8
I want to give you a big hug. I’m the bee who posted yesterday about how my parents are threatening to not participate in my wedding because I had to kick my sister out as my Maid/Matron of Honor after she was abusive and unsupportive. You’re not alone in the sucky family department. You’d think that since it’s your big day, your family would set aside their issues and let bygones be bygones for just one day to celebrate your and your happiness. Unfortunately, people are so selfish and cruel. I know how much it hurts, as I’m personally experiencing it now, but you are still getting married. You are joining a new family and starting your own with your Fiance. Focus on yourself and Fiance and your future happiness. Do you have close friends to be there for you on the wedding day? Often, as I’m personally learning, friends are much closer and more supportive than family anyway. Don’t worry too much about the guest list. It doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person. You’re still going to be a lovely bride and have a beautiful wedding regardless. Fiance and I have an uneven number of guests because we’re having the wedding in my hometown and his guests would mostly have to travel from across the country, so he doesn’t have as many people on his side. He’s a bit disappointed and sad about it, but remember that at the end of the day this wedding is about the two of you.
If appearances matter a lot to you (trust me, they do to me as well), you could always scale the wedding back a bit and have a smaller wedding. But ask yourself if that’s what you ultimately want to do. Don’t let peoples’ lack of support and general selfishness keep you from having the wedding day of your dreams. You’ll be in my thoughts. You’re not alone in this.
Post # 9
Sorry this showed up kinda big. But this is what I meant:
Post # 10
Thank you ALL for your lovely replies. You really are a great bunch of people to take time and effort in offering support xxxxx
I’m going to take your advice and try to make our wedding the most speical day ever, despite their ridiculous behaviour. Spoke with my Fiance this morning and he’s with you…it’s good to know he understands as sometimes guys don’t pick up on these things as well as us ladies.
Im goikng to carry on planning and doing what is right for us from now on.
Post # 11
Hugs back…I’ve read your post and Im really sorry you’re having to go through such rubbish too. You and your Fiance deserve better and you do right to stand your ground. Much love to you xx
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2016 - Muhlhauser Barn
my Fiance and i both have large families however there is a LOT on my side that I do not talk to or am inviting. This thought did come to mind for me as well as there will be a ton more of his family there than I will have but in the end I came to get over that feeling and am so excited to see all of our friends and family there that matter!
Post # 13
Your family attendance doesn’t dictate what you wear – rock your ballgown!
Honestly, if your family is that bitter and angry, why would you want them there? You and Fiance are starting your OWN family, and all the people that DO show up are going to welcome you with open arms. You might have lost some of your blood along the way, but you are gaining FIs. That is very exciting, and you won’t be a stranger once you meet them all!
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2016 - Madame CJ Walker Building
I am going through this as well…..And I said you know what…..Why is it even important for them to be there? I dont want anyone there to cause any awkawrd moments or unhappiness to my day!