(Closed) Family Not Supportive..Thoughts..

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow, this is a sad situation.  I’m not really sure what I can say–I’ve never been in any situation like this.  But you have my sympathies.

Post # 4
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know my mom wasn’t against marriage but was a little jealous of planning and all since she got married at the JOP.  But when the wedding drew nearer, she really did get into things and surprised me.  I thought she wouldn’t help.  She acted really weird about it till it really started to get REAL.  Maybe your mom just needs time.  You sound like you have your “shit” together, so keep on keeping on with what you are doing and just wait, she will come around, and if she doesn’t, there will be people to surround you with happiness.

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - my mother's amazing garden

Awwwww… lots of hugs!!! It sucks that your parents aren’t on board in the way they should be… but remember its their loss 😉 Try to find friends who can share in your joy.. and this is definitley the place to get support 😉

 

Post # 7
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

(hug) I am sorry you are experiencing this. Since it is a long planning time perhaps your parents will warm up to the idea.

Post # 8
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, that’s so mean of them! I really hope the timeline you are giving yourself gives them some perspective.

Post # 11
Member
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That is very sad, but congratulations to you!  You sound like you’re going about everything VERY rationally and I commend you for that! It sounds like each of your parents have their own ‘issues’ so to speak, and ultimately are probably concerned for you as their daughter.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with your fiance or you personally, it’s probably more them being concerned that you’ll grow resentful of missing out on your young adult life.  I say, if you’re happy, be happy and don’t let anyone treat you bad for it. 

Let me share my story with you, which I’m sure everyone does but maybe it’ll help you feel better.  I met my first husband when I was 16 and he was 21 but we didn’t begin dating until I was 18.  I knew a week after our first date that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but because I was so young we decided to wait a few years.  We dated for a year and a half, lived together for a year and a half, were engaged for a year and a half and finally got married when I was 22.  Everyone thought I was too young, except my parents who married young and are happily married to this day 40 years later.  I didn’t care, I knew he was the one.  6 months after our wedding, he was diagnosed with cancer and he passed away 2 months after our 4 year anniversary.  This sounds like a depressing story, but the truth is we were happy in our relationship until the day he died.  It didn’t matter that we started dating when I was 18 or got married when I was only 22.  If he were alive today, we’d still be happily married.  Age had nothing to do with it, I think I was very lucky to find someone so amazing early in life.  It sounds to me like you’re also very lucky to have found the one so early, and the fact that you’re both supportive of one another and on the same page with everything is wonderful.  I’m excited for you, and I’m sure as the time progresses your parents will act better.

Post # 12
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ LeKnot-

Perhaps your parents are upset because you are so young, have no career to speak of and they know from experience what you are about to face.

Ultimately, like most young couples, you will do what you choose to do regardless of what parents say.

However, i would encourage you to talk to your parents to find out what is bothering them about you getting married–whether its age or the fact that they dont like your spouse.

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am very sorry… I am curious, I know you said early 20’s but how early? By the way congrats to your fiance getting a job where they are paying for his school! you guys sound like your going to be okay! I can tell you from my own experience that your NEVER going to please everyone! My fiance and I have been together nearly 6 years, and we are in our late twenties.. I am 27 and he is 28 and everyone just wants us to have kids already! we want to wait till we are 30 and others just dont understand why.  We are having a long engagement april 2011 to sept 2012 and his side cant understand why. there is no rush on our side, i dont want to be stressed, and we already own a house together…. and its not like we are in a rush for kids! even though we cant wait! but seriously… its your life… do as you two want together as it will make you happy and your parents will join in on the happiness!

Post # 14
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, that’s a really tough situation, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. You two sound like you’ve got good heads on your shoulders and have thought this through, so all power to you! I hope your mom jumps on board soon

Post # 15
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

One of my regrets in life is my overreaction to my moms response when I told her I was getting married at the end of my sophomore year of college. . The first thing she said was “are you pregnant” and I was so upset I actually said “NO Mom, Im smarter than you were.” OUCH– talk about words you want to to take back.  She took a two hour shower and came back to discuss our plans. 

 Sometimes baggage just parks itself in the middle of the conversation and you have to talk around it. Or in the case of my family- just politely walk around it, and pretend it’s not there.  We are big for not discussing the elephant in the corner.

 

Post # 16
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Neutrina: COMPLETELY AGREE!!!! My first husband and I married when I was 19 and he was 21. Neither of us had a CLUE!! Not all marriages which begin at a young age end poorly. However, there are a lot of challenges which are often unexpected and the coping mechanisms to deal with them are simply and often lacking. I do think it is better to wait until a person has found a career path, had some life experiences, and sort of grown up before making such a big committment.

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