Member- perlerose
- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
I haven’t ever posted in this part of the boards before, so forgive me is this isn’t where I should be.
My boyfriend (25) and I (23) have been discussing marriage for several months now. Our respective (close) families are aware of this, but I have a feeling nobody is taking it very seriously.
We’ll be celebrating our three-year anniversary next month, and we have been living together for over two years now. I guess I could understand them thinking we’re too young/it’s too early, but we obviously don’t feel that way. I’ll be getting my bachelor’s in June if all goes well, he’s been working as a university researcher since October 2012. We’re not wealthy but we’re doing okay. We’re looking to buy a place within the next few years, once we’ve settled down (I don’t know where I’ll find work or if he wants to stay where he is now, since it’s his first job).
A few weeks ago, we decided to tell our parents that we’d started looking for engagement rings together. Everyone reacted in a “whatever, cool” way, kind of underwhelming – but we’re not engaged yet so that was to be expected. But whenever I try to talk to my mom (or his) about what rings we’d been looking at, the specific design or stone we had so much fun deciding on, they tend to change the subject – or just make it clear they don’t particularly care, because “it’s too early”. It feels weird that they think we’re shopping for a new toy rather than something really significant to us – my mom’s opinion is important to me, and I want her input, and my SO’s mom has four boys so I thought she’d enjoy looking at rings with me, but no.
I realise that the object in itself isn’t as meaningful to everyone (even I don’t find it that important, but I love the idea of a “token” of our love, and of the promise of spending the rest of our lives together). They also didn’t seem super happy about him letting me choose my own ring, I’m kind of suspecting they find me controlling, and that I’m being ridiculous and demanding or using it as a way to make him propose sooner, when it was his idea to do it like this and I constantly ask if he’s alright with what I chose – and of the budget he gave me to work with, I’m only just over half, so money really isn’t the issue. As for our age, he and I both have plenty of cousins who got married at age 25 or younger (and had kids at that age), so I doubt that’s the problem.
Then there’s the fact my mom seemed surprised when we brought up that we’d been looking for songs for the first dance. I guess she didn’t think we’d be wedding planning already – not that we are particularly serious about it yet, but we want to make sure we agree on important things, and we’d like to know how much a wedding would cost here. Again, he has yet to propose, but at this point we’re waiting for the rings to be finished and for him to figure out how to do it, and from what he told me I can expect a proposal within the next few months. The actual wedding wouldn’t be until 2016 or 2017, though, but the first thing my mom said was “well, let me know six months in advance so I know how much money to save”. It just felt impersonal, like all I needed her for was to pay for the event (we don’t want a huge lavish wedding, but we have a lot of family on both sides).
I guess I feel my mom in particular isn’t as excited as we are, and it kind of saddens me. She keeps telling us what a great couple we are, how compatible we are, how every single one of my parents’ friends tell them the same thing after they’ve met us, so I know she has nothing against my SO. So why is she acting like this is a phase? I want to look forward to wedding planning with my mom, not dread it!
Sorry for the super long rant, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I hope once we’re actually engaged the reactions will be a little more on the happy side rather than the practical.
