(Closed) Family… Now it’s getting difficult.

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009


I’m so sorry to hear about this falling out.  It sounds like the decision was in the works for a long time though.  Do you feel at peace about this idea?  If not, it may be helpful to have a counselor to talk to about your history with your dad.  The time around a wedding can be a reconciliation or a "let bygones be bygones" time, but then again that just may not be an option at all with your particular situation.  The silver lining of course is your fiance being such a rock of support during this tough time for you.

My story isn’t nearly as difficult as yours sounds, but my friend and roommate of 3 years really did a flipperooni on me once my Fiance and I announced our engagement and I started talking to her about moving out.  We had a very close friendship and it was plain as day to me that she wasn’t excited about our engagement and didn’t even answer for sure if she’d go to the wedding or not, and I even asked her to be a bridesmaid.  When I finally talked to her about it, she admitted she wasn’t happy about it, didn’t think it would work, etc etc.  We ended up having a pretty bad argument about moving after that and it was all really yucky.  It was weird, she yelled and cussed at me and I moved out after that because I didn’t feel safe at home. So, needless to say, she isn’t coming to the wedding at all and currently we aren’t speaking.  It is all really weird but really feels like it is an issue she’s working through and I’m not sure why all of this stuff has been projected onto me.  Sigh.  It is hard. 

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

hugs to you!!! no advise but just to let you know youre not on your own with family issues

my family is really splintered. both my parents are alchoholics and my mum is verbally abusive

my mother had a huge falling out with my sister (shes older than i am) 15yrs ago and since then she has had no contact with her or the 3 grandsons and now her very first great grandchild. she rarely speaks to my brother and his family and she and i only speak about once a month.  one of the conversations with my sister over our wedding party was about who to invite and who not.  i picked my siblings over my own mother because at least my siblings have been there for me and not hurt me in the past

my thoughts are – its my mothers actions that have created her unhappiness in her life and she can carry the result of it herself. as an adult its not my responsiblity to carry all her drama and rubbish and my future, health and happiness is whats important to my life.

unlike my siblings, i havent walked away from my mother yet but if i need to one day i will

at least you have told your dad that you love him and he has heard that. hopefully your grandmother will change her mind


Post # 5
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

its dramatic but i have always believed there is no family more dysfuntional than mine…until I started meeting my husbands family.  In the end, we went back & forth over who to invite and who not to invite, and I wish I had went with my gut.  There was so much damn drama at the wedding (and the day after brunch)…luckily I didnt find out about most of it until after the wedding, but I have still ended relationships over certain events.

So my advice is…follow your instincts.  Sure, we all pictured our entire families at our weddings, loving and supporting us.  But the truth is that people dont surprise you.  Youve ex-d your father out of your life for a reason.  Dont think that his behavior or actions will change because its your wedding day…trust me on this and spare yourself the drama and heartache.

Post # 6
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

If your reasons for not having your dad at your wedding are something that you cannot foresee yourself changing, then there’s not much you can do.  Your grandmother’s decision not to attend is unfortunate.  I know your heart is broken because outside of the wedding, no one wants strained relations with their parents and not to have your father and/or grandmother there is not the way you pictured your day, but sometimes we just have to accept things for how they are. If you’re absolutely certain that this is how it should be, then it’s time for you to focus on all of the other friends and family that will be there for you.  Please take comfort knowing you’re not the only bride whose father didn’t walk her down the aisle, and I’m sure you won’t be the last. Even though you’re hurting now, I’m sure that your day will still be filled with joy and your heart with love – no matter what….as it should be.

Post # 8
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmmm, tough one; I dont know your father is still your father


no family is picture perfect we all have our shares of drama

my dad was unfaithful to my mom about 25 years ago and divorced her; my brother never spoke to him and we didnt keep in much contact the result of which he now regrets and wants to patch up with my mom


I have since forgiven my dad and couldnt imagine anyone else walking me down the aisle; my dad is not perfect but he is still my father and I love him, imperfections and all, despite the pain he has caused my family and the split of our family because of this; last year we had our very first family reunion including our parents


my advice is; I hope one day you will forgive your dad for his imperfections; he is probably not perfect but he is still your dad, without him you would not be here on earth today

 I hope you can even patch things up before your wedding day, because believe me, I am sure you would feel empty knowing your dad isn’t there by your side; when my dad wasn’t in our lives and I had little contact with him because it was too painful a piece of me felt like it was missing.

just my two cents worth

why not send him an invitation and see how things turn out

good luck and god bless

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