Post # 34
having actually struggled with fertility myself, I still think it’s okay to dangle it out there that these baby demands might be insensitive. People need to learn that baby-pressure can be very hurtful. Frankly, it’s never beneficial.
My husband and I got an email from his mom with links to stupid YouTube videos of her friend’s new grandchild. My husband sent her a link to an article explaining why baby-pressure is hurtful. She got all butt hurt about him standing up to her, but she hasn’t brought up babies since then.
Post # 35
I’ve silently tolerated my MIL’s hints about wanting grandchildren for quite some time, but I’ve always said (to my sister’s and friends) that if she outright asks about it/ pressures us I’m going to reply “It makes me uncomfortable when you ask me if/when I plan to have unprotected sex with your son, please stop.” I know that it will be an issue in the future and I’m just prepared to shut that shit down.
Post # 36
Once you produce it’s “When is the next one coming? Little Jimmy needs a sibling!” Then if you have a girl it’s “When’s the next one? Little Jimmy needs a brother!” Then when you have a boy it’s “When’s the next one? Doesn’t little Jane need a sister?” If you have 2+ children of the same gender, they’ll be asking when you’re going to try for another to hopefully get a different gender. Then once that’s all done with, they start asking “Where is little Jimmy thinking of going to college?” and no matter what the answer is, you’ll get their feedback on it, then it’s “When is little Jimmy going to get married and have kids?” and “When are you going to retire?” A nosey busybody will never leave you alone.
Post # 37
@Mrs_O: welcome to the newlywed club…hahaha i get it. I just tell people….no, not happening right now, thanks
Post # 38
The only person who’s been asking us is HIS dad…he says, “Are you pregnant yet?” and I say, “No, we’re not going to start trying until next year.” He says, “Why not?” and I say, “That’s our plan. We’re going to start trying next year.”
…just tell them what your plan is.
Post # 39
+1 I am not even engaged yet and get this ALL THE TIME.
I’m using “we’re not married yet” for now, but when people keep doing it post-wedding, I plan to be totally inappropriate. “Are you seriously asking me when I’m going to start letting my husband cum in me?” or “Well he likes to cum on my back so much, and I really hate to make him stop”… something that will freak them out and make them realize the whole conversation is inappropriate.
Post # 40
I got the same sort of thing…a week after my 21st birthday, from my Future Mother-In-Law. We are not even engaged and she’s pulling the “where’s my grandchild?” crap. I just said, “I’m not sure if I want kids.” and shut her down. We’ll probably have them, 10 years from now.
Post # 41
Oh that is ridiculous! You shouldn’t be having to explain your reasoning. If she keeps asking ‘why’, just tell her you have made the decision with your fiance, and don’t feel the need to justify big life decisions to her. Some people are so rude!
I can’t really relate (my mother gets horrified if I even joke about kids, and implores me to wait as long as possible!) but I’ve found in general that the more excuses/reasons you give for any decision, the more pressure they will put on you. Giving a concrete reason means they can argue against it or try to ‘solve’ it – being vague but firm gives them less of an ‘in’, so to speak. You could also try speaking with specific family members individually, telling them that their comments make you feel extremely uncomfortable and you would prefer that they ease up. Often if you react at the time they see it as part of ‘jokey’ banter and don’t realise how much it is affecting you – sitting them down should make them understand how frustrated you are getting. Good luck!