(Closed) Family officiating and payment?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My husband’s uncle married us. He is a Catholic priest so no wife. We offered to pay for his plane ticket (knowing priests don’t have a ton of extra money) as well as hotel stay. He accepted the plan ticket but denied the hotel and said he would stay with my in laws for a few days and get a hotel room for the night of the wedding. We knew we would have had to pay the church either way so we were happy to spend the money on the plane ticket.

I’m not sure what ettiquette says but I would talk to your Fiance and see what you guys can swing, extend the invitation and see what they say about it. I’m sure they do not expect you to cover everything for them to get there and stay. Would they have come even if she wasn’t officiating?


Post # 5
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We gave our officiant and his wife a hotel room, breakfast, and an extra package as “payment.” We didn’t feel comfortable giving them cash, so this was the best alternative.

Post # 6
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Because she is family, I’d bet she’d plan on doing this as a gift to you, however you still should ask about a fee, just so that there are no surprises. If she declines payment, you could do a donation to one of her favorite charities.

I don’t think you should offer to pay for their hotel/flights, since they would have been invited guests (and unlike the family priest, probably in a different financial situation). You could get a local officiant for under $500. Also- double check that she can perform in your state- shouldn’t be an issue since she’s done it before, but that’s another surprise you don’t want.

Post # 7
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My dad has done a ton of family and close friend weddings (he is a pastor).  Normally couples pay for his and my mother’s travel and accommodations.

Post # 8
2756 posts
Sugar bee

My grandfather is officiating, and we plan to pay for his & my grandmother’s airfare and accommodations (if they let us). I definitely want them flying, so the airfare I think we’ll just purchase and give to them ahead of time so they can’t refuse.

Post # 9
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think we are paying our officiant (FI’s dad), but we will probably donate his regular fee to the church. There are no travel accomodations since he lives next door to the church and while we haven’t discussed it, actually paying him would be pretty weird.

Post # 10
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m having my brother-in-law perform our wedding, and I’m just going to get him and his wife (my sister) a gift certificate to a nice restaurant in town. Basically I think of him like a member of the wedding party — so whatever you’d do for a wedding party member, do for the officiant. I feel like the amount of “work” they have to do is similar.

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