(Closed) Family Only Wedding – Rude not to invite friends?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
30392 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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sw7577:  You do not need to apologize for having an intimate family only wedding. Just tell people you are having a small family only wedding but look forward to seeing them at the reception which will be held at a later date.

Post # 3
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

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sw7577:  Unfortunatly I don’t know of a way to mitigate any hurt feelings by your friends for not being invited to witness your wedding. If I were in your friend’s shoes, I could simultaneously understand that you are having a small wedding and be upset that I can’t support you. 

I’m curious why you are having a seperate party a few months later tho? In general, I don’t understand why this would be appealing. Could you provide some more context around why you chose to do this? It comes across as gift-grabby to do it this way, but I’m sure that’s not the reason. 

I think if you are choosing to have a small wedding, you should explain to anyone asking that you are having a small family-only wedding and leave it at that. Your friends will probably have their feelings hurt, but I think how you handle your friendship after that conversation will go a long way to heal their initial reactions. 

Post # 4
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Did you explain there would be a later reception?

(I’m sure you have a good reason for doing so, but if you are having a wedding but a reception for everyone at a later date, why not just combine the two? I would personally find it a little odd to go to celebrate someone’s wedding without actually going to the wedding.)

Post # 5
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee

What’s the point of having a small wedding with a big reception later? Am I missing something?

Post # 6
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m doing the same thing. The venue of my dreams simply doesn’t have enough space for friends and I didn’t want to sacrifice it for a bigger guest list. Along with the venue, I would have had to say bye bye to real flowers, open bar, etc. and I just didn’t want to. I wasn’t looking forward to my own wedding under these circumstances.

I think it’s acceptable to do what we’re planning to do, but under a few conditions:

1. Your reception can’t be that far after your wedding… It just can’t. 

2. If you are inviting these people to celebrate you need to be footing the bill for food, drinks, activities, whatever. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s fair to host/plan anything in honour of your wedding. If you wanted to avoid these costs, I think it’s acceptable to get everyone together under a different premise, but not a 100% celebration of your wedding.

 

Post # 7
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We had a small wedding (less than 50 guests) family and some long time friends.  Then had an after wedding celebration a month later where we invited everyone, unlimited kids, plus ones.  It was a BBQ at a park.

I wanted enjoy my wedding and not be overwhelmed with tons of people attending.  Also we wanted to keep the cost down.

In our situation a lot of the people we know are aquaintences that I didn’t want to spend $100 each person, plus a date.  (maybe that is cheap of me, and I’m ok with that).   

I have had friends that eloped or had very small weddings and I was disapointed to not be invited, because I would have liked to see them get married and weddings are fun, but I understood and was happy for them.  I asked to see pictures afterward and wanted to hear all about their day.

Post # 8
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

When I got married the first time, it was at the courhouse and in attendance was my parents and sister (also my maid of honor) his parents, sister, brother in law (best man) and niece (flower girl). No other family, no friends. Afterwards, my parents were contacted by family who asked when we were having a real wedding, and why werent they invited, except were told that no one was invited. In the end, when their kids got married, no one was invited, and it has just spirled. I set a trend lol. But really, a wedding is to invite who you want to be there, and not having to invite anyone. You don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want to. As I’m getting ready to get married a second time (where I can invite people, I should have also mention that the ex douche [as I call him] gave me an ultimatium not to invite anyone, and because I was dumb at the time, I listened) I have a guest list. I’m inviting some close family, some close friends (who are more like family than some family is). Will people be offended? I’m sure. But if they say anything, I’m to the point I’ll tell them outright. They can pay and I’ll invite whoever they want. But I’m paying and inviting who I want. I have plenty of friends and family who got married that I wasn’t invited to. I got over it. It just is what it is. 

Post # 9
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

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beebee1983:  I was wondering the same. OP, if you have the budget for a reception where you can include anyone and everyone, why not just have a traditional ceremony and reception?

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