- 8 months ago
So… certainly not the first time this happened nor the last, but really hoping somewhere out there has some words of wisdom.
TLDR; not close with my parents, they don’t care about meeting fiancés parents, they’re not a huge fan of fiancé (and nor him of them) but have said they must be a part of wedding if his parents come.
Not super close to my family, but met my fiancé who lived just down the road from my childhood home at 15 (have now been together 11 years and engaged in Feb of this year) and have really grown with his family and we’re super close.
Ultimately we wanted to elope, but having brought it up in passing before being engaged when the topic arose, was told by fiancés parents that we couldn’t do that to them, followed by a few tears but nothing crazy as it hadn’t actually happened yet(!) nor were we engaged.
My parents really don’t care what we do, elope or not and have said so, however have said in no uncertain terms that we can’t get married without them if his parent are to join us as that would thoroughly piss them off.
I’d adore to have just his parents join us as witnesses, they’ve been with us through so much and supported us through so many things that it does seem rather unfair not to have them experience with us as it means so much to them. But I know in my heart of hearts that it’s a little cheeky, and not really the right thing to do as much as I’m distanced from my own parents. And of course I could never ask his parents to do this if mine weren’t happy with this arrangement, nor would I decieve anyone.
Now this set up of inviting both sets of parents bothers me- as between the lines it feels as though mine will tolerate his parents being there, and care little about getting to know them. Therefore, on something I of course consider such a personal and intimate day, I cannot deal with allowing any animosity, as it’s something we’ll never get back or get to do over, officially.
There has always been awkwardness over the years as I became closer to his parents (growing up as a teenager I had two young baby brothers for them to deal with, for context) however they’re socially awkward, hate going out or socially and have never wanted to meet his parents in past. Fiancé not keen on my rents for same reasons as me, show no interest in our lives and never fussed about finding out, so we’ve stopped going out of our way. However when home by myself or alone with them I get grilled about why he has such a problem with them which is thoroughly difficult to answer, though last few times I’ve been rather honest and have also reinforced that I echo his sentiment (which as you can imagine didn’t go down very well).
So- I’m not sure what on earth to do, I just want to marry the guy. Have considered just bringing friends as witnesses and with his parents being so bloody lovely I know they’d eventually forgive us but it seems so cruel.
Any ideas? Suggestions? Help! 🙁