Post # 1
Hey Bees! I’m a new bee but I’ve been planning our wedding for 11 months now! Has anyone else had problems with divorced parents? My mum & step dad have recently come out of an abusive relationshup. The messy divorce has just been finalised but my mum doesn’t want to come to the wedding if my stepdad is there (the relationship was abusive on both sides) my step dad is like a real dad to me and I dont want to uninvite him but mum is making a massive issue out of it. Am I wrong in saying that it’s not me who divorced him so I’ll invite who i want? I’ve already asked my grandad to give me away to please my mum (also my grandad is the most important man in my life – besides my FI) but I feel like if I also then don’t invite my step dad it’s like saying ‘thanks for the last 21 years but we’re done now’ in addition to all of this, my real dad who I’ve now met twice is coming and expected me to ask him to give me away but that’s really inappropriate! How do i tell him he’s not doing it? I’m also struggling with top table seeing as I have mum, mums new bae (lol) step dad, bio dad! Ahh wish I’d not spent all this money already and eloped!! my mums also an alcoholic so I can see it all kicking off!!
Post # 2
PrincessMelon: This sounds like a giant mess waiting to happen. Talk to your step-dad and explain how much your relationship has helped to shape you and how much you love him. Then gently start talking about his recent divorce from your mom and the tight spot it has put you in wedding wise. Ask him if he would kindly bow out in coming to the wedding for the sake of your sanity. Mention your mothers drinking and how crazy it might get. He loves you and will hopefully understand. Perhaps there is a way to work it to where he can meet up with you quickly at some point to take photos of you and with you day of when your mother won’t be around.
As for your father, start talking about your wedding plans very excitedly and say you’ve always dreamed of your gpa walking you down the aisle and act shocked if/when he mentions himself as the one walking you down… then let him down kindly, now before the day of or week before so he can freak out and get past it before the day of your wedding.
Good luck girl, weddings can bring out the animal in people sometimes…
Post # 3
PrincessMelon: I’m so sorry things are so sticky! Family, especially parents, should be able to step outsode of themselves an realize that someone else’s wedding is not about them.
I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to tell your Mom that you are inviting the Stepdad. Just be prepared for the possibility that she may not come. That is on her though, and not you.
I would bio-dad that you appreciate him wanting to participate, but your Grandad is giving you away, and that has been the plan all along. If you have only met him twice, this is something he will hopefully understand.
I’m not sure I understand the question about the top table? Are you planning on sitting all of these people with you? I would just sit the bridal party at the table with you and no one else. You can arrange everyone else accordingly.
Post # 4
PrincessMelon: if you want your step dad to be there and walk you down the isle than have that. It is kind of messed up your mom would pull the “im not coming if he’s there” that is very childish. Especially if you feel that he has raised you. ( I understand relationship was bad but she should not put you in the middle of it) As for your dad I would talk about the wedding and if he brings up walking you down the isle say I am already having so and so do it but I’m really excited to have you there the day of. As for the tables don’t sit everyone together, you don’t have to have a head family table scatter them through the so they are not by each other. the best bet with your mom being an alcoholic is to have a dry wedding. If someone asks why you can blame it on the venue having a policy about alcohol or that you can’t afford it or that someone in you family should not be around AlcoholI’m sorry your going through this hope all works out.
Post # 5
Thanks for your comments, 🙂 I’ve already mentioned about my mum not wanting my step dads sons to go and that didnt go down well with him so to then uninvite him may be a pill too large for him to swallow! Maybe I’ll give it a go tho! Or I’ll just leave it up to my mum as to whether she comes. My bio dad was talking weddings even before I was engaged on our first meet saying how he wanted to give his daughter away & I shrugged it off but yes, I think now is the time to tell him. Maybe I’ll just mention in passing like it’s not a big deal. With regards to top table I think they’d all b expecting to be on it! I think I’ll just sit my step dad with his sons.. That’s probably the best way to go. & maybe have either him or my bio- dad as an official witness.. Eek ur right weddings so bring out the animal in people! It’s awful but I cant help but laugh at the situation! Keeps me sane!! Lol Luckily I’ve got 9 months to the wedding so maybe some of this stuff will settle down!