(Closed) family problems. help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Get yourself to al-anon.

You aren’t responsible for your mother’s problems, cannot solve your mother’s problems, and don’t deserve to suffer for your mother’s problems.

You ARE responsible for your own life, though. You say yourself that you are contributing to your own anxiety: “Normally I would be more accomodating”; “I’m the sucker of the family, you see”; “I’m a sucker”. You can choose to continue in the situation you are in. Or you can get together with other people who are also dealing with someone else’s addictions, and learn ways to rebuild your relationships in a way that does not depend on you enabling her dysfunctions. You are starting on a relationship with your husband: you owe it to him to take control of the other relationships in your life so that they don’t undermine your relationship with him.

Al-Anon is composed of people who are dealing with the same things you are. They can help you find ways to deal that are healthy for you.

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you are taking the right steps when it comes to her soberity and setting limits for what you will and won’t do.

However I think your wedding date is kind of horrible because it causes a highstress situation for your mother. While you aren’t in charge of her choices, picking that date which is very significant day to both her and her family. While I’m sure youre intentions were great I think it’s has the potential to blow up and not only with your mom, because it makes it an even more emoitional day and I wonder how much of a an issue that is for your Mother.

 

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