(Closed) family problems. help!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wow this is hard and I defintely will not judge your mom. 

I deal with alcoholism in my family, but they are all considered “functioning alcoholics.”

It seems you are dealing more with an addict then you are a mother, and that is hard because all you can see is your mom despite your poor mother/daughter relationship.

What you are doing is good, you’re putting your foot down and you are helping her in the long run, you really are.

It is not logical to have her at your one bedroom apartment. It seems she can count on that place and count on you to enable her drinking habits. It also would seem that it is not logical to move yourself and your Fiance to the couch while she takes the bed before your wedding, you two need a good night’s sleep and that is something that should not be messed with. No one should expect you to make such an accomodation.

You’ve said that she has gotten very drunk before while at your apartment, correct? Imagine her getting that drunk at your apartment before you wedding and gets seriously ill during your ceremony. You are saving her from herself.

She can be upset if she wants to, she could also complain but just remember you are dealing with the addict and you should ignore it, everyone should ignore her complaints especially if she still comes to the wedding. Of course it will be annoying but at least she comes right? It’s better then leaving her at home by herself where she could go on a binge. 

However, if she does finally say that she refuses to come to your wedding there is not much you can do but just accept it and have your wedding. You cannot force her to go and maybe it could be for the best if she didn’t go, so if she comes to this conclusion on her own then again I would say accept it, politely say that she will be missed and you wish she could come but you understand. Be mindful though, she might say she won’t come but ends up calling you back within the last week of your wedding wanting to be in the wedding again…if she does that I honestly don’t have advice.

I am sorry you are dealing with this, it is not an easy situation and this must be hurtful/stressful. Dealing and working with addicts is not easy and takes an emotional toll, there needs to be some kind of an emotional disconnect so you can save yourself and remember that you cannot always save who you want to, especially if they are not willing to change. 

Good luck~

Post # 4
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m like you where I would be the sucker for my mother. Yet, I finally learned by allowing her to slide, I was hurting her more than helping her. I know it’s heart breaking to watch your mother suffer, but she needs to realize her own bad choices and want to change them. If she doesn’t want to, then you can’t help her and treat her with the equal amount of effort she puts in. She needs to realize it is your wedding and the she needs to lean on someone else for assistant or take care of herself. I know it’s hard, but it’ll work out okay!

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