(Closed) Family problems. Need advice

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all ((HUGS)) I am so sorry you are dealing with this!!!  I do not really have any advice to give but I wanted to comment that I think its so great that you standing up to her and for her and that you would do anything to help your mother improve her life.  You sounds like an amazing daughter and I hope she one day realizes how this is not only affecting her life but also the lives of her loved ones.  Stay strong and good luck with the wedding planning!

Post # 4
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There is a lot about this post that I cannot relate to at all or give you any insightful advise about… however I am so sorry that you have to go through this not just around your wedding, but as a woman trying to start a life of your own. The only thing that I can say is that it is not wrong of you to stay firm about not having her in your apartment, especially on the wedding night. This is her decision and not your fault… this is your day and you are allowed to be selfish.

Perhaps talk to your other family, your siter and aunt.. they know the situation and may be able to ease your stress and thoughts about this situation. This all doesnt have to be on your plate.

Good luck  *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

There are a lot of alcoholics, and addicts in my family. Most recovering, but some not. My best advice is stick to your guns, and don’t cave. She will try to make you feel guilty, and try to get her way. But the best thing you can do for her, and yourself is stop enabling her. An alanon meeting for your selfmay be a good idea as well. We learn certsin coping mechanisms around alcoholism, and to break the cycle we often need help and support. I wish you the very best, no matter what you do it will be difficult.

Post # 6
Member
8455 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS* I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  You have to remember you can’t feel bad for standing your ground when it comes to your mother’s addiction.  It sucks not having a mother/daughter relationship, but this day is about your relationship with your Fiance.  Your mother needs treatment, by professionals….help that you can’t provide.  Especially not on your wedding day!

My advice to you is to see if you can get her treatment BEFORE the wedding, like now.  Maybe suggest that after she completes therapy you can discuss her staying with you.  The most important thing is boundaries, you’re dealing with someone that has a psychological illness.  Don’t feel guilty for being upset with her; it’s really her behavior, not her, that you’re angry at.

I agree with Seashells7, ask your family for support in this.  Your mom needs some sort of intervention.  My heart goes out to you, and I hope that the love and support from your family, friends, and Fiance will see you and your mother through this.  Good luck and stay strong.

Post # 7
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First of all I am sorry you have to go through this, at a happy time in your life you shouldn’t have these negative things to deal with. But I really think you’re doing the right thing already. IT is NOT acceptable for your mom to stay with you on your wedding night and she should clue into that, you’re not wrong to not accomodate on that basis alone.

You can’t just say sure come stay with me and drink yourself silly, or it would be supporting it so I think you’re right by telling her your love and support her but NOT her actions.

My only suggestions is maybe reach out to your aunt or sibling and ask them to call and offer to split a hotel with her, maybe she’s shamed to ask with them knowing the issue. I hope it gets better :S

Post # 8
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You area good woman with a big heart. Your mom regardless of her addictions needs to realize that she can be uncomfortbale in a hotel for one night to celebrate your wedding. This ok. She can make a single sacrifice for you, it sounds like you have made many in the past for her. Try not to stress out about it, just try to find comfort in whatever decision she makes. Good luck!

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