- 8 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
So guys, I really need some advice here.
This afternoon I spoke to my mother on the phone in regards to her travel plans for our upcoming wedding. She will be traveling to my wedding from California to Chicago this March. My Fiance and I set our wedding date over a year and a half ago. This is because my father is deseased and we wanted to have our wedding date on his birthday, this March 24th. My mother, who suffers from severe alcoholism and pain killer addiction, asked me if she could stay at our apartment while she is in town for our wedding (we have a tiny 1 bedroom apartment in the city). Sadly, I told her that it wouldn’t be the best idea, and she took it really hard. Normally I would be more accommodating towards her, however the last few visits she had in Chicago at my house were really hard. She pretty much drinks herself into oblivion and its very hard and upsetting to deal with. Actually, every time she’s ever stayed at our apartment in Chicago, she always promises that she wont drink, but time and time again I find hidden empty liquor bottles around the house, etc. So yea, I feel really awkward about having to say no to her, but I just feel like I can’t be stressed out by her during such an important time in my life. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, and we have a lot of finical stress upon us because of this. She has no money, she actually lost her job because of her drinking and how its effected her health. However, even if she had money, she wouldn’t offer to help out with expenses.
I asked her if she could just get a hotel room with my aunt, or brother, or sister even, who are also flying in from Cali as well. She said that wouldn’t be a good idea for her because, apparently, staying with them would be “too stressful” for her. Meaning, they all know she’s an alcoholic and they won’t deal with her drinking, at all. I’m the sucker of the family, you see. I think that she’s under the impression that if she stays at my house, she will be able to hide her drinking, at least.
Not to mention, that I don’t want to spend my wedding night sleeping on my sofa with my new husband, while my mother is in our bedroom. F’ing weird.
When I ended the conversation on the phone today I told her that i love her and would do ANYTHING to help her on a road to recovery, but I will never support of foster her drinking, ever again. I made it very clear on her last visit, that because of her drinking and lying about drinking, that she can not stay with me, ever again. I also told her that I would even take every dime I’ve saved for the wedding for the last two years (22k) and spend it on a rehab clinic, if she would only agree to go. She won’t. Yea, I would cancel my wedding, just to pay for her rehab. I’m a sucker.
I guess I feel like we don’t even have a mother/daughter relationship. We haven’t had a “relationship” since I was a child. She’s been a hardcore alcoholic/ pain killer abuser for over 20 years. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost at the point that I’d be okay with her not going, as it would probably be too stressful for everyone.
Any advice would be appreciated.