Post # 1
I’ll be 31 this September. Got engaged a few weeks ago. I don’t know what in the world has gotten into my family, but they’re all telling me I need to have babies ASAP because I’m old. My wedding is in 2019 and I’m in the middle of nursing school. I’m not having a child for at least 3 years.
I know that’s not old, but their pressure is giving me anxiety. It’s making me feel like a failure. It doesn’t help that the majority of people I know have already started their families. I feel like I should have been married with kids a long time ago.
Anyone else experience this?
Post # 2
I’m 33 and about to be married in September. I have no children but do plan to start ttc soon after we are married. My bachelor degree will be finished by next June so my plan is to have that behind me before bringing a child into this world. I do not necessarily have people pressuring me to have a baby but I feel societal pressure. Stick to your plan and set boundaries with those who think they have a say about your future family planning.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
ohana33 : I can relate! While I’m not yet in my 30s, my husband is in his 40s, and both of our families have been pretty impatient. If it makes you feel any better, I was reading about how research and information on women’s fertility is so outdated and how your odds may be better than what you think. Hopefully that helps! It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and outside pressures, but having a child is a huge decision and I don’t think rushing into it is wise. All the best!
Post # 4
ohana33 : the minute people get engaged it’s like an alarm bell goes off and everyone starts thinking they’re planning kids straight away. I’m not 30 yet and when we got engaged we just got questioned when the kids were coming. Now we’ve been married for 18 months with no baby I’ve caught part of a conversation were they thought we were having infertility issues because we’re not yet pregnant. 🙄
It’s beyond ridiculous. It’s unfair. It’s incredibly rude. It’s so presumptuous (not everyone wants or can have kids). But you’re not alone. Tell people that when you have kids is down to you and your partner. If that doesn’t work you can always use the great line of “how we have sex doesn’t get you pregnant 😉).
Post # 5
I got engaged at 25 and the “baby pressured” started soon after. Yup, 26 years old and people where already telling me I should be having kids asap because “you are almost in your thirties”. It happens, you get frustrated, you learn how to deal with it, and you start laughing of peoples’ irrational fear for your fertility (like, talking about sex is a no-no, but talking about how fertile someone is is, somehow, okay?)
My advice, relax. You don’t need to worry about it until after you’re 35 y/o. Tell your family that you do not wish to discuss this topic with them, or that Darling Husband and you aren’t planning for you and you’d appreciatte if they stopped asking. But to be honest, people will always ask/comment/demand (even strangers). You just need to learn to ignore them.
Post # 6
I will never understand some people’s desire for other people to have kids.