Post # 166
I rarely pout or get offended about these things. I might even attend if the person was very close to me. What I wouldn’t do is to host one myself under these or most circumstances. My reason to bring it up in this thread was to try to see things from the sister’s POV.
Agree to disagree and also agree that it’s off the main topic.
Post # 167
- Wedding: September 2013 - Outdoor
Wow, this is a very popular topic! OK, so in your original post you said that when you invited your sister she said she’d come and stay at your parent’s condo on a cot, and you were fine with that. So the only thing changing here is that she’ll have a baby. Later you said that the initial plan was for your sister to fly out with her husband and possibly her kids, and stay somewhere else- which is super different from the first situation. Honestly if you were ever ok with your sister staying at your parent’s place with you, then you should understand her bringing the baby and your parents telling you to deal with it. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to stay there, but judging her for having a 3rd kid and saying that the baby makes such a huge difference in the amount of space there will be just doesn’t make sense. Babies are tiny! Sure, your sister can be messy but that’s true whether or not she has a baby. Think about what her options are at this point- She’d already made plans to fly out and stay with your parents. If she decides not to come, most likely she’ll be out the money she spent on the flight. I’m sure she decided against bringing the rest of the familiy because they are trying to save for the baby. Which means she also doesn’t have it in her budget to get another place to stay simply because she’s bringing along a 15lb human and what? A pack n play and a carseat?
Yes, you are well within your rights to say, we don’t like the idea of staying in the small condo with the baby so we are getting our own accomodations. But it isn’t nice or useful or reasonable to be mad at your sister for getting pregnant and wanting to bring the baby on this trip she had already committed to, or to be mad at your parents for extending their invitation to their new grandbaby as well. If you can’t get over this you are going to damage your relationship with your sister and probably your parents also. If that’s your hill to die on, you’re the one who has to live with it.
Post # 168
Oh bee, I am so sorry you’re catching so much shit from postets AND are having to deal with this situation. I do not think you’re being childish. I do not think you’re acting entitled. I think ppl are missing the point. Like you’ve said multiple times, your parents offered their place. And when you’re planning an expensive wedding, that is a great offer! Would’ve seemed like a nice way to save some cash. But it isn’t about whether or not you could afford it- it’s the poor communication and stubbornness of your sister and parents. Of course they want to help their daughter attend, but when you’ve already offered your place to someone else, something has to be worked out, and that’s where someone should’ve reached out to you. I’m sorry they didn’t.
And the whole thing about ppl saying your sis doesn’t owe you anything after your visits to see her – also missing the point. It’s about EFFORT. Would you want to be friends with someone if you’re always the only one trying? No. But unfortunately you can’t really cut her out of your life. She’s blood. I think you’ll be a lot happier if you accept her for who she is – someone who doesn’t have her shit together and doesn’t think much about others- and move on. Don’t put the effort in anymore if she never reciprocates. I’ve had to do that with my dad. He’s a close minded, manipulative man and my life got so much easier when I realized he’s never going to change and just “did me.”
Hugs to you, and good luck, whatever you end up doing.
Post # 169
yes, effort. Great point, I think I was having trouble getting the right wording.
Post # 170
Younger siblings, or the ones that celebrate major milestones last in the family, get shafted. It’s plain and simple. Everyone has time and resources when the “firsts” happen among the siblings (like babies), but then no one has time for you when it’s your turn. It’s easy for posters to attack you for seeming to be selfish but they haven’t been in your shoes. I totally get it.
Make your life easier and don’t get married in Hawaii. It’s plain to see that your family is going to bellyache about a destination wedding which is going to make you miserable. I’m sorry that they aren’t more accommodating to you and I totally sympathize.