(Closed) family rant.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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lmo013:  So if you are having a $10,000 wedding (or more, for most people), and your parents foot the bill, you should be prepared at the last minute to pay for it yourselves out of pocket if they change their mind and stop paying for thing, AND not be upset about that? I find that totally unreasonable.

Post # 78
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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AORiver15:  OP can be upset if she wants, but yeah. If one of my sibs was suddeny in dire straights and needed assistance to the amount of 10000 to support their family, and my parents had to say “look sorry but this is more important than a wedding and it’s our money”

yep. it is. sucks but that’s the truth, you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to put on your big girl panties and figure out a way to refinance or delay/change as needed.

ETA: comparing 10,000+ is apples and oranges to $1000 (and frankly less) for accomodation. hence the example being elevated from “baby needs somewhere to sleep” to “we suddenly need 10 000 for a family member”

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by lmo013.
Post # 79
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

I read a lot of “do what they want” in this- so you should do what you want, too! I’d cancel the wedding. They’re not going to Hawaii for you, caring about you and your big day, they’re going to have a fun vacation. Cancel the wedding. Take your fiance to Vegas or your local courthouse, and distance yourself from your snakey family.

Post # 80
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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AORiver15:  Oh my god, her parents didn’t offer them $10k towards a wedding, they offered her a couch to sleep on for a night. They STILL are allowing her to stay there! OP is the one pulling out because “OMG babies take up room” and I have a feeling she’s exaggerating that $1,000 cost for a one night stay in a hotel.

Post # 81
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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SoonAsYouCan:  I feel like that fact is getting lost… if OP doesn’t have $1000 for accomodation, quality earplugs only cost about $5

Post # 82
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I didn’t read through all the comments but I gotta say this doesn’t sound like a huge deal. Yes it’s annoying and I’d prob go on a rant to my DH about it but then I’d let it go. As a parent I would probably do the same thing – I wouldn’t tell my daughter and infant grandchild they couldn’t stay there just because my other daughter wants the place to herself. 

If your budget is really that right I would definitely cancel the wedding and replan somewhere else. But if you’re dead set on having this Hawaii wedding, then suck it up and sleep on your parents floor – you’re lucky just to have that option! 

There are much, much bigger problems in the world and so I’d say to calm down and put things in perspective. Your biggest problem today is that too many people want to stay at your parents condo in freaking Hawaii. 

Post # 83
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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SoonAsYouCan:  I am not saying that is what happened, but that I think PP criticizing her for not planning a wedding she can afford is unfair. I used that example because many people don’t pay for any of their own wedding and no one is attacking them for planning something they can’t afford–they are trusting the people who have offered them help. For me, and I’m sure others, sharing a small space with an infant for several nights isn’t most people’s cup of tea when you had counted on a different arrangement, and I think she has every right to be upset about it.

Post # 84
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Okay, I was getting lost so I re-read the original post.  The sister’s plan was also to stay in the condo.  The only difference now is a baby? If so,  I think you can manage assuming the sister will be on the cot and you on the pullout bed.

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financegal87:  

Post # 85
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me that this is a single incident indicative of a much larger family problem and dynamic that you could possibly hope to portray in a single post to Internet strangers. I’m so sorry you feel that your sister is always getting priority and that nobody cares about something important to you like your wedding. Honestly, this sort of bullshit really wears you down when you’ve lived it your whole life. Do you want to get married in front of your family when you feel like this about them? I’d elope with just your SO. I think you’d enjoy it a whole lot more. 

Post # 86
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee

Except no one has discussed the issuing of OP helping her sister. What all kinds of help are her parents asking? Help as in staying in the room? Help as in caring for the baby while they’re there? Helping financially since they can’t pay their bills? 

And what about the other kids? And the sisters husband? Where do they fit into all of this? 

Post # 87
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m sorry but I agree with PP. I would have made sure that I had extra money to book a hotel. I would not want to sleep at a condo on the floor in Hawaii. It’s their house and although you think it’s inconsiderate, they own it and can invite 10 people if they want. i would have kindly declined the offer and made arrangements to fully enjoy Hawaii with no stress. Backup plans are key. And basing my wedding off of a promised stay at a family’s condo just wouldn’t cut it for me…lesson learned though and good luck!

Post # 88
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Interesting that you are complaining about having to pay to stay in a hotel – yet you have no problems asking your guests to shell out that much for YOUR wedding, and you aren’t even willing to pay it yourself?!

Post # 89
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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AORiver15:  The parents haven’t back out of any commitment.  No one has said sorry OP you can’t stay here anymore.  The baby will not take up that much space and all the gear is foldable with the exception of the car seat.  Plenty of babies sleep through the night or for long stretches and there’s also earplugs and sleep aids.  The idea that adding in an infant makes the lodging arrangements completely impossible is an invention of the OP’s own mind and that’s probably why the parents told her to get over herself.

Post # 90
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

 

Im surprised by this reactions on this thread.

The issues the OP is talking about are much more than paying for a hotel room. It sounds like years of various decisions and this is the final straw.

It’s super frustrating to have a plan totally upended without being told and then when you are told, no apology or anything just a “you have to deal” when she’s already spent years “dealing”

She’s venting. We’re not all blessed to be 100% logical when venting and hindsight is 20/20.

 

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