Post # 1
There is likely no right or wrong answer for this situation, so I am willing to hear any thoughts on this for my boyfriend’s sake and mine, so we can figure out what on earth to do with the RSVP.
My boyfriend’s dad and aunt (dad’s sister) have had sort of a falling out. (They are both stubborn and hard headed and neither will let whatever happened in the past go). His cousin (aka aunt’s son) is getting married and has invited us to the wedding, but has not invited his uncle (aka my boyfriend’s dad) as of yet. We think because of the falling out between his dad and his aunt, that his dad and wife really may not get an invite, even though the wedding is in town.
The wedding is about 4 – 5 weeks away (still no invite as of tonight) and we have been going back and forth whether we should go (to show face and for his cousin’s sake and in my own thoughts, to his aunt) or not go (thinking this is what we should do since his father isn’t invited). To add to the mix, we would be staying with his dad and wife the night of the wedding.
Has anyone been through this? What did you do? Gosh, or what would you do?
Post # 3
Depending on what the falling out was about would I even consider it. Also to take in consideration is your BF’s closeness to said cousin. If they were like brothers growing up for instance.
Post # 4
I think we would go so as to remain neutral. I would not want to carry the feud down to his generation and not going may come off as a personal attack. I think it is best to talk to his dad and make sure he is not going to take it personal if you go but let him know you also want no part of this argument and would like to go to show that. Clearly this is a conversation Fiance needs to lead and a decision he needs to be okay with but I generally don’T like to get in the middle of family feuds.
Post # 5
I’d go, but tell your boyfriend’s dad about it and say you wish that there wasn’t the argument but that you don’t want to get in the middle and alienate anyone. If he’s very uncomfortable about it, then it might be more polite to stay with someone else or in a hotel while you’re there for the wedding.
Post # 6
I would talk with your boyfriend’s dad and see how he feels, but I would also try to explain to him that his fight with his sister should mean that your boyfriend cuts off all contact with his cousin. Depending on what the fight was about and whether your boyfriend’s dad would be terrible hurt by your attending or would understand, I think I would try to go. You aren’t going to support the aunt, you’re going for the cousin.
Post # 7
I would think it would be okay for you to go; in my opinion this is a chance for an ambassador type role – don’t let the feud continue into the next generation!
I do agree that talking to your Future Father-In-Law (future father in law) is a good idea (or have your Fiance do it probably), so he knows what’s going on. Who knows, maybe they’ll send a car with well wishes along with you and it can start the road to healing…
Post # 8
For me the question hinges on the relationship between the cousin and your fiance. Are they at all close, or is the primary relationship between Fiance and the aunt, or is Fiance not close to any of the family and relates to them through his dad? Because if he’s close to the cousin, then he can say to his dad, I’m sorry you two aren’t getting along, but I want to support Cousin and it’s not about our parents. And he could even talk to the cousin about not letting the supposed grownups take their argument out on other people. If this isn’t the case, then, really, I don’t have any good advice. Sorry!
Post # 9
I really think you should go, because the falling out did not happen between your Boyfriend or Best Friend and his cousin, so there’s no reason that they should carry it on. It’s important for future family unity that this generation not shoulder that burden. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend should speak to his dad, and let him know that you guys are going to support the cousin, not as an insult to dad, and hopefully dad will understand. If he’s upset, you should probably stay elsewhere when you go for the wedding. Good luck!
Post # 10
Thank you! Yes, he and his cousin were close growing up.
Everything ya’ll said is pretty much one of the options we thought of. He is going to talk to his dad tonight and tell him we are planning to attend. We have to send the RSVP in soon, so we need to make travel plans.
Have a great day everyone!