(Closed) Family Rotation for the Holidays–What are you doing?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

This will be our first holiday season as a married couple as well.  The great thing is that I am Jewish and he is Catholic so they only holiday we really need to figure out is Thanksgiving and we have already taken care of that!  I told my parents if they made deep fried turkey for Thanksgiving we would celebrate at their house first this year and then DH’s parents next year.  They were happy to make it 🙂  We will be going to the in-laws from 12pm-3pm to play their traditional game of Horse and hang out, then going to my parents after and having dinner there.

Christmas will obviously be with his family and Hanukkah will be with mine.  His brother always throws a New Years Party so we will be there, but my family is invited and they came last year.

Post # 4
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

This is honestly my biggest fear of married life. As it stands now, I’ve lived with Fiance for a full year, and holidays are the worst! One or both of us normally get our feelings hurt when the other doesn’t want to visit family. It’s even harder because my parents are divorced. It worked out well until I met Fiance, and added a third family to the schedule.

This is the first year I will not be with my dad’s side for Thanksgiving, but I’m happy I had the courage to just choose and say “They’ll live”. We’ll be with my mother and his mother on Thanksgiving, but Christmas is still up in the air.

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas

We are blessed to have our families right next door to each other. We’ll be going to his mom’s house for early dinner at 3pm and late dinner at my p’s around 7pm. Last year, I didn’t save enough room for my family’s dinner, but this year I’m gonna try to pace myself!

Post # 6
Member
1060 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - Anela Garden Chapel & Japanese Cultural Center, Honolulu

Luckily, FI’s family is in Japan/Hawaii, so I don’t have to worry about missing my family functions. FI’s brother is coming up from LA to spend thanksgiving with us though, which is nice for Fiance.  We’re picking him up from the airport today, actually 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

@nachos – I didnt even think of that for you guys, thats awesome!  Are your parents good friends since they have lived next door to each other for so long?  At least you didnt have to worry about the awkward meet the parents (or parents meeting each other!)

Post # 8
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

Mr.D is English…so they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving.  US immigragration won’t let him leave the country yet (he can leave..but he can’t come back) so we’ll be here at christmas as well.

Post # 9
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Wyndham Sugar Bay Resort, St. Thomas

@naangel55 – it’s beyond ideal! My dad and his mom stand in the backyard talking over the fence when they take their doggies out and they say it’s like a sitcom! They’ve known each other for years so we never had to worry about the “mom, this is Mrs. So-and-so”.

Post # 10
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas

This year we are staying at our house for thanksgiving and his brother is coming over, but for christmas we will visit both families.  It’s weird not being there for thanksgiving this year, but we just bought a new house and it’s fun to do it here together!

Post # 11
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We’re staying here in CA for my family’s Thanksgiving, and we’re going to DC for Christmas and New Year’s. His parents are divorced and both remarried, so we’re staying with his mom and stepdad, but will spend some time with his dad and his wife. Whew!

Last year it was reversed, and next year will be even more confusing because we’ll be living in Portland away from everyone. 

Post # 12
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is one thing I’m still really having a hard time with. This is our first year spending the holidays together. Since our parents live about 2 hours apart it is not really ideal to go to both sets of families on one holiday. It was really hard to decide what to do since with both of our families, the big Christmas celebration is on Christmas Eve. The biggest problem was deciding where to go then. We finally decided to spend Thanksgiving with my family, Christmas Eve with his and then spend Christmas day with my family. Next year we will do the opposite. That way, we don’t have to completely give up Christmas eve with either of our families. 

Post # 13
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

We are very lucky in that my parents and Future Mother-In-Law all live in the same city, so it’s always been easy for us to negotiate the day (e.g. breakfast with Future Mother-In-Law, lunch with my family – Future Father-In-Law isn’t really a part of our lives to this extent). We have also spent two Christmases overseas – one snowboarding in Japan, and one when we were living in the UK when my sisters joined us. I consider FH to be my family (and have ever since our first Xmas together) so I would never choose my parents and siblings over him on a holiday, much as I love them. I’m glad we’ve set up a system whereby we don’t feel obligated to spend the day with particular people or in a particular way – I think it will stand us in good stead in the future. I have friends who are still trying to negotiate this stuff and the longer you leave it the harder it seems to be to change traditions without upsetting someone!

Post # 14
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We’re lucky because we are from the same hometown (although my mom has moved, she’s still within the same county). The problem? His family has TWO get togethers on Christmas Eve and TWO on Christmas Day. We have to skip one on Christmas day to spend time with my family, but yeesh. It’s kind of overkill. For the last 4 years we’ve been alternating as best we can – both Christmas Eve gatherings with his extended families, mornings split between both of our immediate families, lunch with one set of his extended family and then back with my immediate family for dinner. We’ll keep this up until we have kids when it will be our priority to form our own Christmas traditions with them, which means we’ll stay in our city until Christmas afternoon and then head down.

Post # 15
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Once immigration settles…

We’re alternating Christmas. One in Canada, one at home in the US. Canadian Thanksgiving is in October so I think I’ve found a loophole. The years we don’t spend Christmas in Canada we can spend Canadian thanksgiving there 🙂 Woo hoo!

My Fiance is totally on board with me flying home a couple times a year! Due to his career, he’ll probably only join me for the major holidays.

Post # 16
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Usually FH’s family celebrates Thanksgiving on Friday and Christmas on Christmas Eve because his mom usually works on the holidays. (She’s a nurse.)  So usually we spend one day with his fam and one with mine.  This year his mom isn’t working on Thanksgiving so she invited my family over to their house!  Not sure how Christmas will pan out…

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