Post # 1
- Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard
So here’s the back story, FI and I have been together for eight years and three years ago we had the wedding of our dreams planned. His parents never liked me and did everything they could to break off the wedding. Well, they succeeded. Six months out from the wedding it was cancelled due to people meddling with the plans and people meddling with our relationship. FI and I were so young and didn’t know how to deal with the pressure and ended up breaking up. It was the worst time of our lives. We realised that we couldn’t live without each other but didn’t know how to deal with the damage that had been caused. We went to counseling and since then our relationship is stronger than ever. We haven’t spoken to most of his family, including his parents, in over two years.
A few months ago we decided to get married again but due to the happenings of last time, we decided to keep it a secret. We had a surprise wedding planned in our backyard for February. I’ve never been incredibly close to my family due to things that happened when I was younger. I didn’t talk to them for three years but since then our relationship has been slowly on the mend. But they still treat FI and I like we’re outsiders. My sister, her husband and my mum moved into my house last year because my mum was worried about them living with BIL’s increasingly violent father. So FI and I moved out of our house in two weeks and lived in a small, crappy apartment just so my sister, BIL and mum could be safe. We also gave them reduced rent so they could save up for their first house. Never have I once gotten thank you from sister or has she ever acknowledged that I did anything nice to her. I had worked my ass off to make up the lost rent and pay their water bills etc so they could get ahead. For Xmas we had planned to do a run through of our wedding to see how much food/ space etc and tell family it was a Xmas dinner. But my sister chucked a hissy fit and said we we’re doing it at their house and she would be cooking, but FI and I would have to bring our own food (nobody else had to). We got into a fight, mum knew sister was wrong but just stood there. Sister called me terrible names and said horrible things like I was selfish and always hold the fact that it’s my house over her head (I’ve never even brought it up to her). I can’t deal with my entire family’s ungratefulness. I worked my absolute ass off to give my family their first ever home (we grew up with no money) and they just stand there with their hands out expecting me to do everything for them, for me to sacrifice everything for them. I’m no longer talking to them and we’re having to cancel wedding #2. I am so upset and because the wedding was a surprise I have no one to even talk to about it.
I’m sorry for the long post and I thank anyone who reads it for taking the time. You ladies have helped me so much over the last few months and I just really needed to get how I felt off my chest. I don’t know what to do 🙁
Post # 2
This is awful 🙁 I really feel for you. Can you have a smaller, intimate wedding with people who really care about you? Sorry to say it doesn’t sound like your family really care. Could you perhaps sit them down and chat to them about what youve just said on here? Just talk in a calm manner, and if anyone gets angry, remain calm and rise above it. Maybe it’s worth considering that your life may be better off without all the conflict
Post # 3
Babe, stop bending over backwards for these people! They don’t deserve it. And plan a beautiful elopement.
Post # 4
You need to build alife with your FI well apart from your family and his.
Post # 5
Get married without your families. Both sides sound toxic.
If you want to look after your mother, that’s up to you. But I’d throw the sister and her husband out. She has no right to be such a bitch to you. She keeps up with this shitty behavior because you don’t do anything about it.
Post # 6
LittleMrsSunshine: i really don;t know what to say but i want to say i am sorry you’re going through this. you have a huge HUGE heart and it seems your family is taking advantage of it. does your family have any INTENTION of ever moving out? seems that all three of them could of gotten the apartment themselves and you stay in your own house. do you want your house back? if so, are you ready to never speak to your family again? they sound very ungrateful and selfish. i wouldnt cancel wedding 2. i’d do it anyways. its YOUR house do it! if you dont want your family there, do a destinaion wedding or just do a JP at the courthouse. the wedding shouldnt be canceled, the venue should just move. dont let them CONTINUE to dictate and control your future. get mean and tough, get legal help if you need to have them ‘removed’ get your life and sanity back!
Post # 7
Um, I’d elope, if I were you.
And FWIW, no one I know who has eloped (and that’s actually quite a few) has ever regretted it. At all.
Post # 8
elope or have a small wedding with the people who do care about you.
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard
geh: This was supposed to be my small wedding with only about 12 people 🙁 I tried to talk to my mother after the fight but all she said was “I’m sorry you feel that way”. No thank you. No nothing.
MrsBuesleBee: I think eloping is what it has come down to. It makes me so sad because I love my family so much and I used to love his family as well but I think they’ve had enough chances now.
observer: I think I’m starting to realise this.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and give me support and feed back. I’ve never really had people to support me so I really appreciate it
Post # 10
LittleMrsSunshine: the great thing about eloping is everyone involved is there because they love you:-)
screw these people, they sound dysfunctional and selfish. Go enjoy your wedding and life together without toxic people!
Post # 11
You need to take care of yourself now, its your turn to be happy long over due and others dont understand that then they arent part of the equation that you need to be happy… elope let your parents know they come if they want last minute…but ultimately make the day about each other becasue thats what matters at this point … hugs it will be okay just do what will make you happy …
Post # 12
- Wedding: February 2015 - Backyard
Thank you all for your advice and support. It means so much to me to have people who understand. I think I just wanted a family so bad that I did too much for them. I love them all and I want them to be happy and safe, but not when they cause myself and my FI to suffer so much.
Post # 13
1. Plan an elopement with your man and a few friends that truly care about you
2. Kick your sister out of the house (time for her to see what life is really about)
3. Have a nice talk with your mother, if she can respect you and your FI then you could let her stay in the house with you. If not time to get going
4. Stop letting people walk all over you.
Post # 14
LittleMrsSunshine: never heard of a better reason to elope 🙂 you have more than enough time to plan do February, or earlier. I’m sorry your situation is so hard, but go ahead with your lives. F the haters and make that man your husband, your closest family alive. Spend whatever you would have spent on guests on something to treat yourselves and mark a fresh start!!
Post # 15
elope , just go to court house what I did , my mom didnt want me to get married or have my kids . But I did best thing I ever did . My hubby mom and dad supported us and they live with us now . I am so sorry they are like that , sounds so much like my twin and mom . I pray you guys elope and find your happy ending