- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
That’s great that you were able to keep yourself insured, but not everyone can afford to do so. I’ve looked into getting myself insurance many times and with my pre-existing conditions, it’s way more than I can afford right now. I get that for you it would make your wedding day less special if you were to get married ahead of time, but not everyone feels that way. I know you probably weren’t trying to sound rude before, but everyone’s situation is different and saying it’s sad when people do it legally ahead of time just came off as really judgemental.
*sings* Why can’t we be friends? Why can’t we be friends?
It got REALLY serious here. Wow. I was surprised to see this thread pop back up on the main board and even more surprised to see all the comments. Here. I’ll try to lighten the mood with a corny joke.
What kind of cheese isn’t your cheese?
Marriage is just supposed to mean more than that. It just feels yucky.
Marriage means a lot to us too and if we do choose to get married legally this year, it won’t make our ceremony next year mean any less. It may seem like a business transaction to you and probably a few others on here, but I see it as my fiancé wanting to take care of me and make sure I’m healthy at all times. As I said earlier, it’s a lot easier to judge what other people do when it’s not your health in question. It’s not as though a wedding wasn’t already planned and we’re not getting married anyway. I would consider a wedding for the purpose of getting someone you don’t want to be married to citizenship or insurance a business transaction. Two people who are already planning a marriage are not cheating the system. If we were having our wedding in a couple of months like we planned and a courthouse ceremony was never a plan for us, I’d still feel the same. Whatever works best for people is no one else’s place to judge.
I wouldn’t attend a shower after someone was legally married for an entire year. It’s gift grabbing and I can’t see any way around it. If you want to have a party, then that’s fine, but a shower is basically a party where you expect gifts. If you elope you give up the shower. That’s one of the consequences.
I’ve 8 years married (just for civil law) , my church ceremony-big party is this december , after reading all the opinions about civil marrige and months or year(s) later have a chuch ceremony and big party with all your family is called vow renewal , farce or not wedding at all , I’m really surprised b/c we aren’t gonig to married under the civil law again for calling vow renewal, farce? let me laugh lol b/c now it’s under god law it can’t be called farce , but I understand it’s something cultural ,each country had their own ettiquete rules and traditions. Were I come from a civil marriage is not important; the church ceremony it’s the most important for the people ,we’re not “good” married until we’ve the church ceremony.
Basically some people are getting married early so they can have all the benefits of marriage and then acting unmarried so you can have another ‘wedding’ later at a more convenient time.
Some people have a commitment ceremony instead of a wedding so they can continue to recieve benefits from a previous marriage.
I don’t know, all of these things sound really close to an ethical line I wouldn’t want to cross. It’s fine not to agree with me but I don’t think I’m going to change my mind and think these kind of things are alright.
I think all this back & forth is really moot. The OP’s family does not agree with her having a shower, so clearly it’s not appropriate in her social circle. To all those in similar situations: if your family/friends offer a shower- great, they share your views on the “2 wedding” situations. If you’re getting resistance, then it’s not acceptable in your group to have a shower, and, unfortunately, your views on whether or not you are entitled to pre-wedding events don’t matter.
I have a solution for you though. You don’t like the idea of what you’re referring to as ‘fake weddings?’ Fine – then don’t bloody have one and/or go to one, problem solved!
I think if a friend or co-worker wants to throw you a shower then I see no harm in letting them. However, I personally wouldn’t throw myself a shower. I was in your shoes 2 years ago and didn’t have any of the normal wedding parties between my legal ceremony and the family/religious ceremony.
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