(Closed) Family says I can’t have a shower.

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 152
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@Treeline:  Basically all the people on here who are for getting married early are only doing so to game the system either for insurance or immigration. Sad.

Until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes, then keep your snotty comments to yourself.  If I could have had one wedding that would have been able to accomodate having my family and his there, then I would have, but the timing on immigration wouldn’t allow it.  It’s *sad* that you can’t be more understanding of situations different then your own.

Basically some people are getting married early so they can have all the benefits of marriage and then acting unmarried so you can have another ‘wedding’ later at a more convenient time. 

Not all of us are doing that.  I was very much up front with each and every one of my guests about the fact that we would be married already for 6 months prior to the later wedding ceremony.  Every single person that was at my WEDDING (and yes I call it a wedding and not a vow renewal) was thrilled to be a part of it regardless of whether it was the legal one or not.  

Post # 153
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@Irish Terrier:  You can either be married or you can be single. You can’t be both at the same time.

Post # 154
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@Irish Terrier:  but my Fiance and I are really only going to be treating our ‘first wedding’ as paperwork in order to appease the US Government. It’ll be just the two of us and the judge. (I don’t even think we need a witness where I live.) No rings will be exchanged, no gifts will be bought, and I’ll still refer to him as my fiance until our ‘real’ wedding.

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@HeatherMM:  It doesn’t make me think my wedding next spring will be any less special or any less of a wedding because that’s when we’ll be saying our written vows, that’s when I’ll be wearing my wedding dress, I’ll have my bridesmaids, my dad will walk me down the aisle, we’ll have our first dance, and all of our families will be able to be there with us.

The guests, the rings, the gifts, the white dress, and the pageantry of the march down the aisle and the first dance are not what makes you married.  The “paperwork” makes you married.  100% married.

I might consider myself to be the Queen of England but that doesn’t make it so.

Post # 155
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@WonderBee:  I think she’s just a little disappointed that people arent taking her wedding seriously because she’s already legally married.

Well, yes.  Nor would people take it seriously if I, at age 29, decided I’d throw a Senior Prom because my high school prom experience wasn’t all it could have been and now I want a do-over.


Post # 156
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This thread is still going?  I think what it boils down to is some people think it’s wrong to lie to the government or your family (ie cherry picking who gets to acknowledge your marriage and who doesn’t) so you (general) can have everything you want with little to no inconvinience to yourself.  If you think it’s ok to lie, then go ahead and do what you want, but don’t be shocked when others don’t think it’s ok.  This is just my opinion, so feel free to disagree.

 

EDIT:  I do think it’s prefectly okay to want to celebrate your marriage with your family and friends with a vow renewal or big reception after you’re already married. 

Post # 157
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with

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@dodgercpkl:  

,

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@KatyElle:  

and

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@obsessivebee:  

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@RunsWithBears:  

I don’t remember anyone saying they planned on lying to anyone, but I could be wrong. I don’t plan on lying to anyone if we choose to have a civil ceremony first.

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@sailor:  

Yes, the paperwork makes you married by law, but not religiously married. Being married in a church is still a marriage and no more pageant like than anyone else’s walk down the aisle.

Post # 158
Member
13562 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think this discussion has pretty much run its course, so I’m going to close this thread. Best of luck to the OP!

The topic ‘Family says I can’t have a shower.’ is closed to new replies.

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