- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2017
I have been looking on here for a while, getting some tips.
My hubby2be (Allen) and I have been dating eight years. We are both in our 20s and want to get married in the place we met (Japan.) We have decided to save up our money and spend a month together, visiting the places we used to love. We have started taking Japanese language classes and hope to be pretty fluent by the time we go.
Since we were students when we met, we didn’t get to really go everywhere that we wanted to. We were stuck in Tokyo area. We want to see everything. We also want to stay in nicer places, have good food, and I want to shop (dammit).
We come from really poor families. Both in behavior and money. We have both gotten really good jobs and this is going to probably be an expensive once in a lifetime adventure for us. We are looking to save around $30,000. $5000 will be spent on the wedding.
We won’t spend all the money if we don’t have to, but we plan on doing a lot of really fun stuff while there.
We don’t have kids, we don’t live in an expensive area, and we are aggressive savers. We also have college loans to pay off and we hope to in the next two years as well. We also are saving for a downpayment on a house we like.
All of this means we don’t have extra cash to throw around.
My mom who lives in the same town as us, has been bothering me about the wedding everytime she comes over. She brings wedding magazines and has kept pestering me to talk to her expensive wedding planner friend. She has this huge idea that we are going to get married and invite everyone on my mom’s side of the family. Which would be fun… for her. I actually don’t plan to invite more than 24 people on my side, most of them friends. My sister, my mom, and my dad are the only people with invites from my side of the family. It is the same with my partner. He has two sisters, their husbands, and his mom.
My mom has already told everyone on her side of the family to expect an invite. I have gotten calls from people I have not talked to in years telling me they will be saving the date. But I don’t have a date picked out yet. We just told my mom to plan for a two year engagement. We want to get married on our decade anniversary. I feel that will be special. So my mom already has some idea when we will be getting married (In June or March depending).
She is trying to set up meetings with the most expensive places in town. I have asked her to stop, I want to do this 100% with my partner. I don’t really want her help and we don’t plan on having cake. We want cupcakes and Mexican food, not tiered cakes and French food. She keeps saying that they will help pay for it (not needed, but the sentiment is nice) so she wants equal say in everything. I have turned her down, but she keeps pushing money at me and telling me she wants to help. I told her to keep the money.
She took this to mean she should use the money to fly out people who I don’t want there. Or to pay for an open bar. My partner and I don’t drink and have friends who cannot for religious or practical reasons. I can’t drink due to allergic reactions to hops. So we wanted to not have an open bar or any kind of alcohol. My mom says she will pay for it if we are too cheap.
She has also told my sister she is my Maid/Matron of Honor. Which I have picked out my best friend from elementary school to be. My sister called me confused, because she knows Ellen is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I am not trying to sound snobby, but I hate people inviting others to my events. I know this comes from a place of happiness, because my mom has never been able to help me with much growing up. She never got a degree, never travelled a lot, and she wasn’t into anything I am into. So she thinks the weddings are the only way to make herself useful to me.
But I am tired of it. I just want her to stop with everything. Its intense, 24/7 madness. I cannot handle this for two years.
The worst part is that my mom has said people “will” be coming if she has to call the planner and make the changes herself. She also said Mexican food is tacky and no one wants a buffet. We want everything casual, people dancing and having fun. We don’t want fancy dresses and table settings. We plan to have it outside, at a friend’s restaraunt, and to just be chill. Lots of fun, dancing, laughing, intimate.
I just feel like my mom will ruin that. Do I just tell her nothing? I want her to come. I just don’t want her to bring all of her family (who I don’t talk to at all) or invite people I actually hate (like our next door neighbors growing up.) I don’t have the money or patience for 140+ people. I don’t want them there.
How do I handle this?