- 4 years ago
Im new to Weddingbee, however please forgive the length of this first post. Ive been bottling these concerns up for quite some time and need to get some things off of my chest 🙁
My fiance and I have been engaged for just over a year now and are getting married in April 2015. I am 27 and he is 29 we are both in stable jobs and not long ago we purchased our dream home, are currently renting it out and are planning on moving in two months before the wedding. Things are perfect between us, which is why I cant work out the reason for the attitude my family is displaying towards our engagement/wedding.
I am the eldest of two sisters and have never been incredibly close with either my mother or sister, who are a lot alike and tend to favour each others company. My sister still lives are home whereas my fiance and I have been living together for the past 5 years. I used to see my family regularly but have now limited my contact with them as I cant face the constant negativity and dismissive attitudes that they display concerning all things to do with our engagement and wedding. On the rare occassions that we do have dinner with them or go over to their house for brunch, all that ever seems to be talked about is their holidays, their future holiday plans and what is happening in their lives. Whenever my fiance and I try to bring up anything about the wedding or engagement it is always dismissed with a comment of “Well, you should here about where we are planning on holidaying next…” or something of that nature. They seem to want to pretend that we are not engaged and dont want to broach the subject or listen to anything to do with it at all. My family has never asked how my fiance proposed, asked to see the ring or asked to have anything to do with wedding planning, all of which is very hurtful as it feels like my partner and I are going through this alone – my family are not happy for us at all, and whilst his family are very happy for us, they have no time to help with the planning and no real interest in doing so.
Worst of all, my sister has not talked to me since I got engaged, as she doesnt like my fiance. I have tried to plan for them to spend time together to get to know each other and he is willing to do this, but she has stated that she has no interest in this and has said “When there is a wedding, I wont be there” which upset me greatly. Whenever I do have contact with my family I am the one that needs to initiate it, they never SMS, call or interact first, im constantly making all of the effort.
Due to their lack of interest my fiance and I have contacted a weding planner overseas and have picked a gorgeous beach to have our wedding on, an elopement with no family and the added complications that will no doubt be tied to this. I would have loved to have had a wedding in my hometown with my family there, but im so over trying to make them take an interest in and care about something and someone that they clearly couldnt care less about. I also cant help feeling a bit of resentment towards my mother and feeling as though if it were my sister getting married that my mother woud make a great effort to be involved and help out. My fiance and I will be funding the wedding entirely ourselves and have not received any sort of engagement gift (not that we wanted anything from them) or even a congratulations from my parents.
Im now considering cutting off all contact with them, as my finance and I only ever fight on the subject of my parents and they are making us genuinely unhappy in what should be one of the happiest times of our lives. If anyone has been through something similar or has any helpful advice to offer, I would be very grateful. Im sick of feeling so angry, tired and frustrated about the childish and petulant way they are all acting – especially my sister. I have tried talking to my mother to ask what is wrong, but everytime I attempt to do this she rapidly changes the subject, to the point where I just dont bother anymore.