(Closed) Family thinks they’re more entitled

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly, the way his family is acting now is most likely how they will act in the future. If I were you, I’d be super angry and ask Fiance to do something. That’s downright rude, ridiculous and any other negative word you can think of! Horrible!

What does your Fiance say? I would tell him to say something…but I would also want to talk to them as well, because from the sounds of it, they are going to act like this in the future and you need to set your foot down about how you expect to be treated.

So sorry. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would also see if your Fiance can try to talk to his family about this. It’s not fair that b/c they are giving all of the money that they should get to make all of the decisions. Yes, you are grateful, but your family is also contributing their time…which is sometimes much more valuable than money. Your family shouldn’t be seated in the back b/c they haven’t contributed. it’s like saying that they’re a lower class than your FI’s family, and that’s just plain not right. Definitely talk with your Fiance and see if there’s any way you can bring to light how they’re trating yoru family.

Post # 5
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think about this all the time as my Future Mother-In-Law think she’s running the show as her and FFIl are paying.  She has already insinuated that my family does not matter in this process as well.  I anticipate that I will be going through what you are going through very soon.  Unfortunately I have no sound advice except that it’s going to be up to your Fiance to call them out and say their behavior is unacceptable.  If you do it, you will become the bad guy.  In the mean time, just practice some breathing exercises.  I feel your pain.

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

That sounds really bad.  I would give them their money back. 

Post # 8
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That is really horrible. Emotional support is just as important as financial. Does your Fiance agree with them or you? Could he maybe talk to them and explain that while you guys are very greatful for the money, you also would not be able to do this without the help from your family and that this day is just as special to them? They are not going about this in the right way at all. If it really bothers you that much, maybe you should give them their money back, and find a different way to fund your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree about giving the money back. I did this actually. A grandma I’m not terribly fond of decided to give us $8k towards the wedding (odd because she never paid attention to me my whole life). My parents gave us $10k and my Future Mother-In-Law gave us nothing (not even time, but I love her anyway). I booked this swank ceremony and reception site with the $8k (it included extras like the bar included, etc.). She started being obnoxious and demanding things like I invite her 20+ friends, upgrade my uncle to a suite since he has a bad back and needs a good mattress, demanded my drunken uncle be a groomsman, demanded I pay for all the airline tickets from that side of the family, and demanded to be on the invite as hosting. I cancelled the venue, gave her back her money, thanked her for the gift, but said that I wouldn’t accept anything with strings attached. I found a nice venue in town and have made due with the $10k from my parents.

My grandma is ticked and now refuses to come to the wedding. That is fine with me actually. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Don’t let people get away with bad behavior like this. Remember that you have plenty of potential options: giving the money back, switching the venue to afford it yourself (and sending new invites stating who is hosting ;), and of course, having a very open talk (you and your Fiance or just your Fiance with his family) stating what you’ve seen/heard and how it’s unacceptable. Have the talk no matter what, because you need to clear the air.

If you hear the comments first hand, speak up immediately. People will push and try to see what they can get away with. Keep your composure and your self-respect.

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