Post # 1
My fiance’s family is really helping us out with the wedding financially…big time. They are putting in most of the money and we are very grateful. We’ve tried to show them how grateful we are as much as we can.
While my family is not putting in as much money as they are, they’ve been really helpful in the planning process. They’ve dedicated a lot of time and effort. My parents are big part in the planning process and have offered tons of helpful suggestions, my sisters have pulled all-nighters with me on DIY projects and have gone shopping with me, my aunt is making all the flower girl dresses, my family is cooking half the dishes for the rehearsal dinner, my cousin is djing for free, they’ve hooked us up with people who have given us great deals, among countless other things and they aren’t asking for a dime in return. They’ve been a huge source of postive encouragement.
My fiance’s family…well, they’re constantly negative about almost everything we do. When we suggest they help with planning or when we delegate a job to them, they act like they can’t be bothered with it. When we talk about the wedding, they always find something negative to say. When we call them out on it, they just say we’re being too sensiitive.
Things got tense when the invitations went out. Since his family was paying for most of the wedding, and my family has put in tons of time, emotional support and help, we decided to put both families’ names on the invite. My fiance’s family was furious! They felt like they should be the only family on the invite. They’ve also made shrewed comments about where my family should sit during the reception…in the back because they’re not paying as much as them. They told me only my family members in the wedding court are allowed at the rehearsal dinner even though attendants in his side of the family are bringing their families. They’re reasoning? They’re paying for the catered dishes. But my family is spending all day cooking more than half of the dishes and they don’t even want to be reimbursed for the ingredients or the time!
This is making me really sad. I don’t think my family should be treated this way just because they’re not putting in as much money as his family. To me, while the financial help is truly a blessing, so is the emotional support. Has anyone had this sort of drama?
Post # 3
Honestly, the way his family is acting now is most likely how they will act in the future. If I were you, I’d be super angry and ask Fiance to do something. That’s downright rude, ridiculous and any other negative word you can think of! Horrible!
What does your Fiance say? I would tell him to say something…but I would also want to talk to them as well, because from the sounds of it, they are going to act like this in the future and you need to set your foot down about how you expect to be treated.
So sorry. 🙁
Post # 4
I would also see if your Fiance can try to talk to his family about this. It’s not fair that b/c they are giving all of the money that they should get to make all of the decisions. Yes, you are grateful, but your family is also contributing their time…which is sometimes much more valuable than money. Your family shouldn’t be seated in the back b/c they haven’t contributed. it’s like saying that they’re a lower class than your FI’s family, and that’s just plain not right. Definitely talk with your Fiance and see if there’s any way you can bring to light how they’re trating yoru family.
Post # 5
I think about this all the time as my Future Mother-In-Law think she’s running the show as her and FFIl are paying. She has already insinuated that my family does not matter in this process as well. I anticipate that I will be going through what you are going through very soon. Unfortunately I have no sound advice except that it’s going to be up to your Fiance to call them out and say their behavior is unacceptable. If you do it, you will become the bad guy. In the mean time, just practice some breathing exercises. I feel your pain.
Post # 6
My fiance and I have spoken to them about it, but they acuse us of being too sensitive. @2PeasinaPod, you’re right about time being sometimes more valuable than money. My fiance’s sister has given us a huge sum of money to put toward the wedding. My sister’s husband is unemployed and they have three children, so they couldn’t put in any money toward the budget. My Future Sister-In-Law has made snide comments about my sister not contributing any money. But despite not being able to put in tons of money to the wedding budget, my sister lives out of state and has made several trips out here to help me plan. My FSIL hasn’t made any effort in the planning process and though she lives in the same state, she will only arrive the night before our morning wedding because she and her husband will be on a their yearly summer trip. My family, including my mom, my sisters and my aunt (who lives in Canada) will take off a week from work so they can help us plan the week of the wedding.
Post # 7
That sounds really bad. I would give them their money back.
Post # 8
That is really horrible. Emotional support is just as important as financial. Does your Fiance agree with them or you? Could he maybe talk to them and explain that while you guys are very greatful for the money, you also would not be able to do this without the help from your family and that this day is just as special to them? They are not going about this in the right way at all. If it really bothers you that much, maybe you should give them their money back, and find a different way to fund your wedding.
Post # 9
I agree about giving the money back. I did this actually. A grandma I’m not terribly fond of decided to give us $8k towards the wedding (odd because she never paid attention to me my whole life). My parents gave us $10k and my Future Mother-In-Law gave us nothing (not even time, but I love her anyway). I booked this swank ceremony and reception site with the $8k (it included extras like the bar included, etc.). She started being obnoxious and demanding things like I invite her 20+ friends, upgrade my uncle to a suite since he has a bad back and needs a good mattress, demanded my drunken uncle be a groomsman, demanded I pay for all the airline tickets from that side of the family, and demanded to be on the invite as hosting. I cancelled the venue, gave her back her money, thanked her for the gift, but said that I wouldn’t accept anything with strings attached. I found a nice venue in town and have made due with the $10k from my parents.
My grandma is ticked and now refuses to come to the wedding. That is fine with me actually. 🙂
Post # 10
Don’t let people get away with bad behavior like this. Remember that you have plenty of potential options: giving the money back, switching the venue to afford it yourself (and sending new invites stating who is hosting ;), and of course, having a very open talk (you and your Fiance or just your Fiance with his family) stating what you’ve seen/heard and how it’s unacceptable. Have the talk no matter what, because you need to clear the air.
If you hear the comments first hand, speak up immediately. People will push and try to see what they can get away with. Keep your composure and your self-respect.