Post # 1
I don’t want to make this long but the gist of this post is I have two family members who are to involved with the wedding planning.
One is my mother, I get she is over excited and wants to help as much as she can. Since my eldest sister wouldn’t allow our mother to help with her own wedding. My mother is now telling me what I should be doing, questioning if I have asked people or vendors for their numbers. She even went out of her way to get a phone number of a celebrant who has taken a sabbatical from performing ceremonies. I didn’t even ask her to look for a celebrant.
When I suggested what venue to have the ceremony she didn’t like the idea and tried to guilt trip me to change my mind until she saw the venue herself. I think what is annoying for me is I can’t offer an idea or suggestion without her telling anyone who will listen about my idea or suggestion. I suggested a singer for the first dance and two days later I got a call from my older sister asking who the singer was.
The other member is my older sister, she is researching wedding ideas, venues, caterers. She even made a copy of the guest list and is telling me what to do too. I feel like she thinks this is her wedding with all the planning.
I want to scream and elope to get away from this nightmare but I know in reality it would hurt a lot of people if my Fiance and I elope. I can’t say anything because my mother is over dramatic (likes playing the me, me, me card) and she wants the mother of the bride wedding experience that my eldest sister didn’t get with her. My older sister has anger issues and I know she would flip and chuck a tantrum if I tell her to stop.
I know my wedding in a year and a bit but I feel like this isn’t my wedding. I have anxiety and when I’m stressed I can’t think properly. To be honest I wish they would both stop talking about the wedding with me. I can’t breathe.
Anyone else experiencing something similar to me? What is it about weddings that turn people crazy?
Post # 2
All you can do is sit them down and tell them in plain language how you feel, what you want to do and what they are allowed to do, and stick to it. If they don’t adhere to your plan, you set new boundaries, all the way to not including them at all in planning. Just plan everything yourself and give them no say in the matter.
That is about all you can do.
Post # 3
Stop the information train. If they offer advice, tell them you and your fiance will take it under consideration.
Post # 4
In all fairness I am an older bride and my parents have passed. I do however have a sister who likes to offer up LOTS of advice, lol! I never shared much of anything with her, tbh. I never shared much of anything with anyone, really. No chatting about it means no offering up of advice.
Sit them down and go over boundaries NOW – your wedding is not for a looooong time and that is a long time to live with this drama.
Post # 5
If they are sane, rational people I’d have a real heart to heart explaining this to them. About your anxiety and stress. However I can’t assime they’re sane and rational, I know there are a lot of narcissist relatives and you can’t speak to them reasonably as they don’t care. But if that doesn’t work, stop the info. They ask what’s going on with wedding planning – say you’re not working on anything right now. Stop the info as much as you can.
Post # 6
Yep. My mum is crazy. I agree with PP to say as little as possible but, in my case, that doesn’t make things better. For my mum she’s lonely. And she wants to be the centre of attention.
Post # 7
hyacinthandlavender : I am having a very similar experience with ym mum Bee. She wants to be involved in all the decision making and any choices I make, she inistantly dislikes. She is also going around and telling all our family about anything I tell her.
I’ll give you the same advice other Bee’s have given me. You’ll have to stop the information train. The less info you give your mom and your sister, the less they can tell other peopel and do without you. If your mom starts asking about decor or florists, just tell her you are looking into it and have it handled. If she supplies you with phone numbers for vendors, just say thansk and you’ll call them when you have time.
Don’t be afraid to put your foot down. You will need to also remember that if your mum is contributing money to your wedding, that does entitle her to have a say in some things. Try to keep repeating. mum, this is my wedding and I would really like it this way. I hope you will repect my decision.
It can be hard, but you can do it!
Post # 8
Hey bees, sorry I haven’t responded. First off thank you for your replies.
I agree with you all I will stop talking about anything to do with the wedding. Normally I try to stay away from that topic but my mother and older sister bring it up all the frigging time. It got to the point they both had a big argument over the wedding and I wasn’t even there!
Both telling each other to stay out of the planning.
On another note I don’t want any family to contribute with money. Because it is something my Fiance and I want to throw for family and friends to enjoy being with us as we take the next chapter of our lives.