Family Tried to Change Grandpa's Will Without Him Knowing

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 31
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

You made the right choice your grandfather planned this and that’s what he wanted. Unfortunately some people get so gready when it comes to wills. I look at it don’t expect anything and if you get something great that’s what they wanted. Some people get crazy about it and I have dealt with it with my own family and it’s really disturbing. It really sounds like they were trying to cut you guys out and be greedy. I find it best to keep your mouth shut and not talk about it. 

Post # 32
4633 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m totally on your side bee, you did the ethical and legal thing. I agree with PP who say they were trying to pull a fast one. I’d be livid if they tried to act as though they’d done me a favour after the fact. So long as everything is as it should be I’d probably leave it.

Post # 33
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is so mind boggling! I can’t believe how disrespectful your family have been towards you, your nice brother, and your grandfather! It also baffles me that your mom got so angry at you based on what your aunt said, without actually asking you about it first!

This would’ve pissed me the hell off just based on principle. If your aunt was stuck in a really shitty situation e.g. spiralling medical bills and not being able to work to pay them off and live comfortably then I could understand a civil request from the family to give her the money (and you seem like the type who would proactively volunteer to do this). But nah, that cow wants to retire early and redo her kitchen!! Wtf. Yeah, all of us would love a pile of money for doing nothing but that’s not how life works! 

Bee, keep the money and treat yourself or invest it to fund something in the future. I would also suggest dialling down contact with your mom, aunt, and oldest brother. 

Post # 34
3007 posts
Sugar bee

If something doesn’t make sense to you then there are two possibilities:

1. Someone can explain it to you so it does make sense.

2. It doesn’t make sense.

If it doesn’t make sense then someone is up to something. 

My question is:

If. after the money is spent on the house there is a dollar each for you and your brother why would your aunt be trying to get you to give up that small amount of money? A big family fight over 2 dollars? Unlikely.

I think that because the house is in good renting condition there is quite a bit of money left and your aunt wants this money for herself even though it isn’t her money. I don’t suppose she has told you exactly how much money you will be signing away?

I’m a bit concerned about your elder brother’s involvement in this. It does rather imply that he is hiding something. His reasoning doesn’t make sense to me either.

Your grandfather expressed his wishes clearly in his will and his executors must abide by his wishes. If they refuse to do so then they are breaking the law.

I would write to the executors of the will (even if you are related to them) to say that you have been put under considerable pressure to sign away an unknown amount of money left to you in your grandfather’s will. Then state that you have no intention of submitting to this pressure and that this is a matter that is not up for further discussion. Say that you will be keeping a copy of this letter/email. Ask the executors to reply in writing confirming that no further pressure will be put on you.

I strongly suggest that your other brother does the same.

This will provide an electronic “paper trail” should there be any difficulty with relatives in the future.

Is all this worth it considering the family drama? Yes it is. By giving in you might make things temporarily better but all your relatives need to do to control you in the future is to be unpleasant again. (I do wonder whether they are putting particular pressure on you because they see you as the one most likely to give in. This tends to happen particularly if you are a nice person who wants to please people.) And imagine how you will feel in future about your aunt if you know she has succeeded in defrauding you.

If you stand up to them you will take a lot of flak in the short term but you will eventually be respected as an adult. The manipulative aunt will hit on someone else in future. If you and your other brother stick together on this it will be a lot easier because you can support one another.

I think that you can also get your husband involved. If your relatives bully you then he can step in and call their bad behaviour out. You don’t have to face everyone alone.

Once you receive the money you can decide what to do with it. You could save or spend it yourself, you could give it all to charity, you could even give/loan some to your relatives (although again don’t be pressurised into this). The point is that your grandfather left the money to you and you are allowed to choose what you wish to do with it, not them.

Don’t give in to the pressure.

Post # 37
3007 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
extraaccount18 :  Well in that case, when they say that they are giving you the money to avoid fighting with you then simply say thank you and smile sweetly. 

I am curious about how the executors of the will knew two years ago how much money you would get as your grandfather hadn’t yet died and the house wasn’t yet being fixed up. 

Also the executors wouldn’t have known exactly when your grandfather was going to die and so even if they had organised some sort of estimate of costs there would have been no guarantee that it would still be accurate by the time he died.

(indeed this wouldn’t be logical because houses gradually deteriorate. If they wanted to keep as much money for themselves as possible then it would make more sense to wait until your grandfather died before repairing the house. Then the final bill would be known and accounted for before you received your money.) 

Also, if your aunt and mother needed serious money then the best strategy would be rent or sell the house as quickly as possible. However, the timescale would not be affected by getting you and your brother to sign away your rights.

Sorry, bee. This is all decidedly fishy. 

If necessary, get your own lawyer to check the executors’ figures and house repair receipts very carefully. To my mind there is a possibilty that someone, somewhere, has already defrauded or is about to defraud someone.

I do wonder whether some money has already been taken out of your grandfather’s estate.

Do families do this sort of thing? Unfortunately, yes. My grandmother died just before my wedding and while I was on honeymoon my uncle’s wife took all my grandmother’s jewellery out of her house. Even though I was my grandmother’s only female relative I never received a single thing.

Post # 39
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
extraaccount18 :  Your mom is delusional. I believe that forgiveness hinges on two key things: demonstration of genuine remorse, including specific acknowledgement of the actions the person took that caused harm; and a sincere and sustained commitment to not repeating the harm. But I doubt someone who blames their spouse for divorcing them for cheating would understand that. I’m so sorry you have some real narcissistic family members!

Post # 40
2038 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

its been two years…. If they are still bringing it up two years later constantly, i would tell them to move on. Im guessing you took the money that was written to you in his will? Maybe tell them its already been spent. 

if they were so desperate for it, tell them they should have gotten a lawyer and taken you to court. Dramatic, yes. But a will is a will. 

i can understand now why so many elderly people leave their money to charity now a days. 

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors