Post # 1
So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we definitely want to get married, we are both in our last year of graduate school and I would like to have a wedding next summer after we are finally done with school!
I have been financially supporting myself since I was 16 so I don’t rely on anyone else for money. My boyfriend on the other hand, his family has paid for everything and continues to pay. He is worried that if we get engaged his family won’t pay for his last year of school and other expenses. They have never said anything to that effect but his mother is always telling him "you better not be getting married anytime soon".
So this obviously makes me upset and it feels like a personal attack on me when she says things like that. We have been together so long everyone keeps asking when we are going to get married and I get embaressed because I just don’t know what will happen. I have asked my boyfriend to at least talk to his parents but he is too nervous. Its an emotional topic and I just don’t want to get upset over it anymore, does anyone have any suggestions??
Post # 3
O my goodness, i’m sorry!
Congrats being in your last year of graduate school! That alone is stressful enough. I think you should just share your heart with your b/f, your not going to change his mother, but maybe if you could encourage him to be open with her about his feelings toward you, maybe he can soften her heart. She probably just doesn’t wanna see him give up in his last year.
As for being embaaressed, you should try your hardest to fight those feelings, no one should make you feel that way. Obviously your waiting for when the time is right between the two of you. People will always say stuff, so just try to choose to not let the negative comments effect you. I know it’s easier said and done, but maybe when someone says something that hurts you like that, get alone and say out loud, I will choose to be upset about this for 5 min. After that, I will get over it, and I will choose not to let it effect how I feel, my situation, or my mental health. I know it’s corny but try it a couple times, eventually it will come more natural and you won’t have to be so forced about it.
Just try to enjoy your last year of school, if you to really love each other, you will get engaged and your wedding will be beautiful, just try to keep focused and enjoy your relationship with him right now.
Let us know how everything goes.
Post # 4
SInce it’s your last year you really shouldn’t stress yourself with worrying about/planning a wedding. Maybe his mom isn’t trying to attack just doesn’t/isn’t ready for him to get married. Yet, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to wait until you’ve graduated.
Congratulations on your last year!!
Post # 5
I agree with the poster above and that you should really let him know that this bothers you. I think it’s better to come out with it honestly now than later on where time is getting closer.
Since you both are in your last year (CONGRATS!), it already shows you both are committed to your education and plan to finish grad school even if there are talks of a wedding soon. Perhaps this is a situation where your bf can sit and talk with his mother and assure her that this is what he wants and that he doesn’t have plans to give up his last year of grad school. I think his mom is just worried he’d end up concentrating on something else other than his studies.
It’ll work out in the end, have a little faith.