Post # 1
My Husband and I got married a few weeks ago but we’re have the wedding next week near everyone so it’s easier for family to attend. my husbands father and mother are seperated and don’t really talk but will be civil to eachother on the day, however his dad had another 2 children(who are my husbads half sisters ) with another woman who is also invited as she was and still is a big part of the my husbands life. Her and my Father-In-Law have broken up and are not kind to eachother. To make matters worse Father-In-Law has just recently got remarried and we want to invite his new wife but we have just been told that if she shows up both SIL will be removed from our wedding. We’ve already had other dramas with one of the girls refusing to come to the wedding because she wasn’t a bridesmaid even though she’s only 13 and I’m not very close to her. I really feel like they’ve got us backed against a wall and we’re being forced into who’s welcome to come to the wedding. I’m not really sure on how to procede HELP!
Post # 2
You should edit out the bit about you getting married a few weeks ago and also next week because otherwise that will be the focus of many of the comments you get. Many people will wonder why you’re having 2 weddings.
As for your main question, unfortunately it would be extremely rude not to invite FIL’s wife if you’re inviting him. Since it sounds like the mother of the SILs is being unreasonable, I think it’s going to have to be on her if she chooses to try and use her daughters as ammunition. What are the chances she’s bluffing? Also does the mother have good reason to hate the Father-In-Law this deeply (like abuse) or is it just angst from a bad breakup?
Post # 3
invite everyone and then leave it on them to make the decision. Don’t get involved and let them deal with the drama. My Brother-In-Law parents had a nasty divorce and don’t speak. my sister and brother in law said we invite both and if they can’t handle to be around for one day for us then that’s on them. I know it’s easier to say than do but thats my thought.
Post # 4
Invite who you want and let people know that if they can’t put their sh*t on the backburner for one day and act like adults, they are welcome to stay at home. I wouldnn’t stand for this behavior, not from anyone, parents included.
Post # 5
You can’t allow a 13 year old to create drama around your wedding.
I would tell them that they are all invited and you hope they can set aside their issues to celebrate a common loved one, your husband. If they can’t check their drama at the door, then you’ll be sorry that they can’t make it.
Post # 6
First: You can’t NOT invite your FIL’s wife. She’s his wife. She gets invited.
I am really, really sorry if you know people who are so nasty and tacky that they’re using your wedding to air their personal drama–and reprehensible that they’re doing this to their own kids–but in the end, the only thing you can do is act like an adult yourself and hope they do the same. So, I would invite everyone and allow them the opportunity to behave like responsible adults. Hopefully, they will, and if they can’t, then they’ll stay home.
(and if you have a couple of burly cousins or some stern college buddies, I would maybe clue them in to some of this drama in the hopes that on the day-of, they will be standing by to remove anyone who is at risk of rioting. You shouldn’t have to worry about that on your big day.)
Post # 7
If this is next week, hasn’t everyone already been invited?
Post # 8
It’s a very odd situation as my Father-In-Law and his new wife have only got married a month ago. There was some other issues with both SIL not knowing that he was getting married as we only found out 3 days before and because they are so young (13 and 7) they’ve took it pretty hard. I don’t think that there has been any abuse but there have been a lot of lies. We’ve already made SIL a bridemaid because her mum wasn’t going to tell her that she had to go to the wedding and it really upset my husband. The last update we had was that Father-In-Law was not allowed any contact with the girls, but recently they been spending time with him so I feel like all this anger from the SILs and their mother is directed at the new wife. We’ve talked to the new wife about this and she’s decided that its best if she doesn’t come to the wedding but I can tell it’s hard for her, she feels like she’ll rune ther SILs day if she comes. I’m just really angry with how petty the parents have acted. My husband and I have talked and we’ve decided to sort of seperate ourselves from the family for awhile after the wedding because it’s not fair on us to always be in the middle of the drama.
Post # 9
I would invite them all. If they choose to attend then that’s their choice. If they don’t, no cares given. Just enjoy your day.
I would of also declined making the SIL a Bridesmaid or Best Man if you didn’t want too. However, I see you already did so it’s too late to kind of take it back.
Post # 10
People have a hell of a nerve dictatng to the bride and groom how a wedding should be run, in order to spare their own feelings, and that of their children.
Tell the complainers they don’t have to sit, eat, dance or even say hello to anyone they don’t want to. Its a big event, hope you can make it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall
I’d invite them all and tell them to stop their stupid (to avoid cussing) cow poop. That your wedding is what matters and they are distancing you and your DH from them by acting like the children they are using as weapons. I would also mention how ridiculously emtionally abusive it is to a child who is ALREADY emotionally unstable (by finding out their dad is married and not allowed to see him much) to USE them like that. They might think that just being kids, they won’t care. But they will. Call them out on their ridiculously selfish, egocentric, manipulative and abusive behavior. Tell them to be a mother first, if the kids are close to you guys they WILL care they missed out.
It gets me so darn angry when people use children as weapons in their ridiculous drama.
Post # 12
leave it. whoever decides to come, will come. if they are going to be petty and not show up because they can’t act like ADULTS and put their differences aside for the bride and groom’s day, than thats on them. They look like the fools, not you.
I am sorry you have to deal with such bs.
Post # 13
I would kindly remind everyone to check their status. Are any of them the bride and groom? No? Then they need to shut up and deal with their issues with each other like adults and behave themselves for one wedding. If they find they can’t they can remove themselves from the situation with no hard feelings, because you will refuse to feel badly for them.
The only exception I find is the Father-In-Law not telling his kids he got married, that is BS. I feel bad for them and would make sure they were entertained and didn’t have to interact with anyone they didn’t want to.