- 6 years ago
Just wanted to check in about something. About 1,5 year ago my family blew apart. I don’t want to get too much into the details but it originated from me finally standing up for myself and saying that things weren’t ok. I was immediately branded a trouble maker, my mum didn’t talk to me for a few months until i pretty much forced her to do so, my sister didn’t even notice that i wasn’t talking to her but then sent a poisonous email a few months later saying that i ‘don’t allow her and her Fiance to be happy’. It pretty much destroyed any happy feeling of my engagement. Now, my sister is getting married next week. This means I’ve had 1,5 years of engagement overlap with her in which time my mum has scoffed at all wedding suggestions coming from my side because she seems convinced I’ve been brainwashed by my Canadian inlaws. She’s happy to put restrictions on what i can and cannot do but refuses to contribute positively to the wedding planning process. She seems very possesive and hates the idea of me doing wedding stuff with my Future Mother-In-Law, who is clearly enthusiastic about the whole process and wants to take part. In the meantime, my mum’s very happy to discuss my sister’s wedding into the little details and is sending me emails complaining about how my FBIL’s family isn’t involved enough and how they don’t know how to throw a proper wedding. This is coming from someone who says that weddings are over the top and that it’s ridiculous that we’re putting together a nice reception and doesn’t even want to discuss table lay out or food.
Things came to a head the other day when I admitted to my mum I’d shown a picture of my wedding dress to my Future Mother-In-Law. Shit hit the fan, big time. Because I’m not allowed to show it to anyone, it’s supposed to be a secret, that was the condition on which she paid for the dress. Well, I wanted to show it to someone who actually cares about the wedding. Now my mum is even more suspicious of me and refuses to even give me a picture that she took of my dress or even the suit my dad is wearing for my sister’s wedding and will be wearing again at my wedding. And I don’t even want to see my damn dress again, I’d rather just get the money back and elope.
To retain the fragile family peace I’ve had to swallow my pride but I’m finding more and more that the situation has reverted back to me basically being a doormat, not standing up for myself and just nodding and smiling to keep everyone happy. The moment my facade cracks my mother complains that I’m driving up her blood pressure and putting her health at risk. So outwardly I’m trying to be coorperative and nice but inside I’m seething. I don’t know what to do, if I stick to my guns I’ll ‘ruin it for everyone’, if I keep letting myself be treated like a doormat I’m hurting myself. My Fiance and I get into arguments over this – seriously, 98% of our arguments in the last 1,5 years have been about my family. Today was our 5th anniversary of our first date and we were arguing about my mother. Another event ruined.
I’m sorry about this long vent but I’m sitting here by myself on the evening of my 5th anniversary and the only thing that has popped into my mailbox tonight is an email from my mom full of stuff about my sister’s wedding. I just want to cry now. Thanks for letting me vent, weddingbee has been my lifeline in this whole process and I don’t know what I would have done without you guys, at least your enthusiasm and honesty has given me hope that this wedding stuff is worth pursuing.