- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
my husband’s family has been wanting to do a family vacation for quite a while now. Included in this family vacation would be myself, my husband, our baby boy, his two brothers, his parents, and his brother’s girlfriend. We talked about renting a beach house, but there were some problems with that idea. Some people thought it would get boring staying at the beach all day, and others couldn’t decide on a house. So the idea came up that we should all go on a cruise. We are planning to go on a Carnival cruise ship in June of this year. It’s one of the largest ships in their fleet, so there will be a lot to do onboard and plenty of space for us all to have time to ourselves as well.
I told my parents about the cruise we are going on. My parents live out of town, so they rarely get to see me and their grandson. They also love cruising, so they were very interested in this vacation. I told them they should come if they want to. I figured it wouldn’t matter to my inlaws since it is a huge ship, and my parents said that they would stay out of the way of any family activities. They are very independent on vacations, so they wouldn’t expect to see us that much.
When I told my father-in-law, he flipped out! He told me that I had no right to invite them on his family vacation, and having them there would change the whole dynamic of the trip. Even though I told him they would stay to themselves, he said it didn’t matter, because he didn’t want to have to interact with them at all. After we had a long discussion, he finally agreed that they could come, but said I had to do my best to keep them away from him and make sure they don’t interrupt any family time. He made it pretty obvious that he doesn’t enjoy spending time with them at all, either on vacation or not.
it didn’t feel right to me to let my parents come onboard knowing that my father-in-law didn’t want anything to do with them. So I told my parents with the situation was. I said that he didn’t want any of my family on his family vacation, and it might create tension having them there. They were surprised to hear this, since they didn’t think it would be a big deal for them to be there. They were also under the impression that my in-laws really liked them. They offered to cancel if I told them too. So I told my father-in-law they offered to cancel.
he then got angry again, and told me that it wasn’t my place to tell them how he felt. He immediately sent them an email to call him before canceling their cruise. I figured that if they called him, he would tell them that everything was alright, and they were welcome on the trip. My husband also thought that was what his father would do, since he had spoken to his father privately about the matter.
My parents called, and instead of welcoming them on the trip, my father-in-law basically told them exactly what he told me. He said that they were not welcome on the trip and they would be imposing on his family vacation. This upset me, because I felt they would rather hear that from me than him. My parents were not too happy about how direct he was with them, and now I feel like their relationship is ruined.
My parents ended up canceling the reservation, and their feelings are hurt about how the situation was handled. I am also hurt because of how everything went down, and how my father-in-law made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with my parents. He told me that they bombard him with their stories, and he finds them annoying.
Now I’m not sure how to proceed. I actually no longer want to go on this cruise, because I feel like it has been ruined for me. I’m angry with my in-laws and don’t feel like spending seven days with them. My husband said we have to go, because they wouldn’t forgive us if we canceled. how should I handle the situation from here on out? My in-laws live in the same town as me, so I see them all the time. I feel like I need some space from them for a while, because of how upset I am.