(Closed) Family vacation argument!

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
6592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@caribbean_lover:  I had a similar situation happen with my dad two years ago.  My dad planned this all inclusive vacation for him, my stepmom, my stepsister, and myself as a family vacation without asking me.  The way he told me was to call and tell me to pack my bags, grab my passport, and take a week off work for a trip in 30 days.

Problem number one was that I no longer had a passport in my maiden name since I neglected to replace it after my divorce.  Problem number two was that I had only been working at my new job for a few months and things were a bit hectic since I was still learning my way around the office.

I tried telling him I didn’t have a passport but he said I could take a day off work to drive to Miami to get one in person.  I could probably have taken a day off work but who wants to spend a day in Miami at the passport office?

I spoke to my secretary about it since she knows the politics of the office and she agreed that it would be a bad idea for me to take time off right then.  I called my dad and explained the work situation and how it would be unprofessional to take the time off.  I told him they should still go on the vacation without me, no hard feelings at all.  My dad responded a few days later with an email that he was pissed that I had ruined everyone’s vacation and that he believed I couldn’t go because my fiance at the time had not been invited on the trip.

It took a few more heated discussions but he finally came around and understood that I am adult with a real job and I cannot just be ordered around like a child.  I realized through discussions that it was important to him that we all take one last family vacation before marriage and kids and responsibilities kick in for my stepsister and I.  Your Father-In-Law probably doesn’t like that he has to share his son with another family and was hoping this vacation he could be selfish and things would be like they used to be (especially if they used to take family vacations before.)

Post # 18
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You probably should have asked your in-laws first, but your FIL’s reaction was completely out of line.  No way would I be going on the trip now if I were in your shoes.  In all honesty, I’d probably want to book a holiday with my parents the same week, just out of spite.  Wink

 

Post # 19
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@Jess1483:  +1000

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@caribbean_lover:  “My husband said we have to go, because they wouldn’t forgive us if we canceled.”

Seriously??  They wouldn’t forgive you?  That seems a little ridiculous.  Actually, a lot ridiculous.  Who do they think they are?  You’re the one who has to forgive them!!  This honestly just infuriates me.  I’d be inclined to say, “Screw you.  Enjoy not being a part of your grandson’s life.”

I agree with Jess1483 that you probably shouldn’t have invited your parents before first speaking to your in-laws about it.  But as she said, the rest was just your Father-In-Law being obnoxious and rude as Hell.  I could perfectly understand you wanting to cancel the cruise.  I don’t think I could go on the cruise and be polite, let alone see them every week in the meantime.  I would probably demand an apology from your Father-In-Law whether or not you go on the cruise.  That’s really just unacceptable behavior.  Stand up for yourself or he’ll continue to throw fits like this to get his way.

Post # 20
Member
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@caribbean_lover:  Oh ew, that comment wouldn’t sit well with me! He can be the head of his blood family, but you’re only related by marriage, no thank you!

Post # 21
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

where the heck was your husband in all this mess?? If my Father-In-Law disrespected my family like that (or vice versa) you can be sure the spouse would be stepping in to tell their father to cool their effing jets. Now your poor parents have to know that he obviously doesn’t like them, and I think when there is a child involved all grandparents should be playing nice.

Especially when you factor in that your parents live out of town and probably don’t get to see your child as much as your in-laws.

Yikes, I’m sorry you are in such a ridiculous situation – can you afford to just go on a trip with your parents?

Post # 22
Member
239 posts
Helper bee

@caribbean_lover:  Wow, tough situation. First off, I dislike family vacations. I’ve been on several, and no matter how much “alone time” everyone agreed upon, someone’s feelings always gets hurt because someone feels left out, or they don’t think enough family time is being spent together What is your Future In-Laws expectations for this trip? Based on his reaction it sounds like he wants a lot of time together!

Secondly, I have to agree with PP that you shouldn’t have invited your parents without some previous discussion with at least your husband. I don’t know too many families that go on vacations with both the wife and husband’s sides of the family. However, I don’t agree at all with his reaction. How immature. 

Post # 23
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh. I was cringing the whole time I read this. It hasn’t happened to me, but I could see it happening and feeling the awkwardness of being in the middle, and being pissed off at Father-In-Law. I don’t think you were wrong to tell your folks about the cruise, or that it was a big deal for them to come (in fact, that would have been very nice, since you don’t get to see them often and you see your in-laws all the time). I wouldn’t want to go on the trip either after your Father-In-Law behaved like a child. 

Post # 24
Member
797 posts
Busy bee

@MrsTVLover:  +1

 

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@BeatlesFan629:  +1

I dont think I would have invited them without informing/asking becuase it seems like they set it up to be a trip with their side of the family. however, your Father-In-Law is being (and this is the nice version) a complete ASS. I would also apologize. I also dont like the idea that it seems as if he (FIL) has been chummy in front of your parents before to the point where your parents were oblivious to the fact that there was even any problem or that your inlaws werent too fond of them.

I get sometimes in laws dont get along but the way he worded things was completely out of line. I would probably not go but talk to husband and if he begs you, then consider it for him. However, I would be sure to point out my displeasure with my Father-In-Law and make it clear that his actions are not okay.

sorry this happened OP

Post # 25
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I completely disagree with PPs. Let’s look at this from FIL’s perspective. He organizes a vacation for his family. His DIL takes it upon herself to invite HER family to HIS vacation. He gets upset by this completely thoughtless imposition and expresses this. She goes and tattles on him to her own parents, making him out to be a bad guy. Then her parents call to confront him, and things get even worse. Seriously, dude cannot win here. OP has put him in a really bad situation. And now she wants to back out of the situation instead of facing the music for the mess she made. IMO, it’s time for OP to eat some crow, apologize to everyone, and try to make it up to them.

Post # 27
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, I wouldn’t want to go on the trip anymore either if that’s how poorly my Father-In-Law handled the situation. Does he really think you’d be glad to spend 7 days with him now after the way he treated you and his parents?

I would tell your DH how you feel and say you want to have a chat with Father-In-Law. From there I would discuss the issue with your Father-In-Law. I would explain that while you understand you should have asked him first he had absolutely no right to treat you or your parents that way and could have handled the situation differently. I think he needs to know how you feel, and if your DH isn’t going to help you stand up to them then he’s not being very supportive of your treatment in the matter.

Post # 28
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@lovekiss:  Her parents call at his request/demand. Look, I can see his side, and I would also probably not want my kids’ spouses parents invited, but his behavior was atrocious. 

I do think OP should apologize to Father-In-Law for not discussing it with him first (mostly to start the smoothing-over process), but he owes her a much larger apology for his behavior.

Post # 30
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lovekiss:  I disagree – she didn’t exactly “tattle” to her parents, she told them the truth. Should she lie to them and make the situation even worse? Regardless of whoever was right in this situation, his behaviour is still atrocious. You don’t tell your DIL that you find her parents annoying, final.

Post # 31
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@lovekiss:  I think it’s just as much OP’s vacation as it her FIL’s. They’re all adults. She and her DH are paying their own way. It’s a public cruise ship (if it was the beach house, I would feel differently). 

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