(Closed) Family vacation argument!

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

From what you said, it doesn’t sound like you’d be spending every minute with your ILs anyway, what is the big deal to your FIL?  I don’t think you needed to run it by them, especially if you still planned to sit at dinner with them and do whatever other family activities he planned.  I would definitely cancel at this point, just because that is so rude of him, and I wouldn’t want to spend any time with him at all!  How would you have fun and enjoy yourself, knowing how rude he was to your parents?  I would just stew the whole time, and not be able to look him in the eye.  Ugh.  

Post # 33
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@caribbean_lover:  honestly? I’d not go. I’d tell my husband that he can go if he wants, but your Father-In-Law disrespected you by acting the way he did. He should be worried about you not forgiving his dad, not his dad not forgiving you for not going. Unbelievable.

Post # 34
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@Jess1483:  You are right. I read that section incorrectly. Absent that contact (where we likely do not know that full extent of the conversation), OP still put him in a really bad position AND then had the nerve to tattle on him. That is 2 wrongs in a row. I’m really not surprised that he is so upset. Some people are super protective of family time, and most people are super protective of their image to those outside of the family. OP stomped on both of those things and now is upset that he is upset with her. When you repeatedly poke a bear with a stick, don’t be all surprised when it lashes out at you.

Post # 35
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@Miss_Magoo82:  You don’t lie, but you also don’t intentionally share details that will paint a member of your new family in a bad light. It’s called tact and diplomacy, and it is a skill set that OP has not used in this situation.

Post # 36
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@caribbean_lover:  That’s awful. I wouldn’t want to go on the cruise, either. I don’t blame you one bit. Especially since you live so close to them and see them on a regular basis – I’m not sure I’d be able to suck it up and go.  You are in a very tough spot.

Post # 37
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@caribbean_lover:  holy hell.  No way would I be going on that cruise.  No way.  That’s crazy.

So sorry you’re dealing with this crazy shitfest.

Post # 38
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’d be damn near fisticuffs if anyone acted that way to my parents so I sure as shit would not be going on the cruise. 

Post # 39
Member
955 posts
Busy bee

@lovekiss:  I actually also agree with you. It’s the FIL’s plan and he just wanted to enjoy his immediate family. If it had been me I would have called my parents and apologized and told them I had no place in inviting them and promise to plan another trip with them in the future, thus leaving my Father-In-Law out of it altogether. You need to be the bigger person and apologize to Father-In-Law and again to your folks.

This isn’t about the Father-In-Law being the head of the household so much as you imposing your family on him. I can see how that would hurt YOU but just because you are technically related doesn’t mean you have to like each other. You over stepped your FIL’s boundaries.

  

Post # 40
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@lovekiss:  I don’t think she put him in a really bad position. It’s just vacation on a public cruise ship. He made it into a bad position by his reaction. He could just as easily have said “I understand why you invited your parents, but I would really appreciate it if we could keep it as a vacation for our family.” What’s with his harsh reaction? It was very rude of him to talk to OP in a way that makes it seem like he dislikes her parents.

OP I agree that you should have run it by your Father-In-Law first, but I think his reaction was completely out of line. I understand that your husband doesn’t want to cause friction, but do you really want to set a precedent where it’s okay for your Father-In-Law to speak to you and your parents like that? He should talk to his father.

Post # 42
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to agree that it was wrong (imo) to invite your parents. I would never invite my parents on a trip that we were taking with my IL unless they very specifically invited them along and on the other side I wouldn’t be happy if my DH invited his parents on a trip with my family.

 

that being said there are ways to handle things nicely and tactfully and telling someone off and saying you never liked them and think their stories are stupid isn’t the way…. sounds like your Father-In-Law felt “attacked” and freaked out a bit

 

as for going on the trip/causing more drama… I would probably try to keep the peace especially since you say the IL live close by – no reason to make things worse than they already are

Post # 43
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mixtapehearts:  +1, finally, someone who would react the same way I would!

Post # 44
Member
3154 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@caribbean_lover:  I’m sorry you have a Father-In-Law like that:( I wouldn’t want to be around him at all after that kind of behaviour. He sounds so arrogant and rude. Obviously you have to spend time with him as he is your FIL- I would be polite to him, but no more than that. I can’t believe how rude some people are!

Post # 45
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@Misswhowedding:  +1

OP, inviting your parents opened up the possibility for other non-family invites.  And no matter what you say about how out of the way they’ll be…  For goodness sakes, it’s still a boat with a confined space.  And then there could be guilt pressure to invite them to things…  It’s like going on vacation with your husband and him inviting his best friend and SO along without asking you first.

Post # 46
Member
946 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@pineapplez17:  +1.  Her FIL’s reaction was unacceptable.  Why make a big point about how he doesn’t like them and their annoying?  And to say those things not just to OP but directly to her parents as well.  That’s just mean.

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