(Closed) Family vacation argument!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Apple_Blossom:  It’s like going on vacation with your husband and him inviting his best friend and SO along without asking you first.

Not at all, it’s a group vacation.  It’s like going on vacation with your, DH, bff and their SO and they invinging thier BFF and SO without your premission.  Since it’s a freakin cruiship I say who cares, there will be a few thousand other people there as well.

Post # 63
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Atalanta:  It doesn’t matter who is paying.  The OP’s Father-In-Law organized and invited everyone on the trip, so I would call it HIS trip that he’s invited others to. 

Post # 64
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@caribbean_lover:  Here’s what I would do:  skip the cruise and make avoiding them a point from here on out.  

With that being said, if you care about preserving your relationship, or making your Fiance happy you probably shouldn’t do what I would do. 

 

Side note: I think your Father-In-Law handled the situation completely wrong, he should apologize to you for flipping out (totally uncalled for), and he should apologize to your parents for being totally rude to them.

Post # 66
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@RunsWithBears:  it’s ok to invite others one someone else’s vacation

It’s her vacation too!  It’s not like she sent her parents to be with his parents! She is going and wanted the time with her parents.  I can totally see where OP thought it would be nice.  Stop calling it his vacation or someone else’s it’s HER vacation as much as it is his. 

 

Post # 67
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@lovekiss:  my point was that there was no need to be rude. I don’t understand why you think it is okay to be rude to someone like that.

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@RunsWithBears:  you agree that it is okay to be rude to someone? Let’s assume he didn’t yell. He still lead OP to believe he dislikes her parents. And then had the same conversation with her parents. That is still rude. Also, I said I thought she was wring for inviting them. I just don’t agree with his reaction.

Post # 68
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@RunsWithBears:  Of course it does.  If I’m paying to go on a cruise, It’s freaking my vacation.  

I’ve vacationed with the inlaws when they pay and it’s totally different then when we pay.

It stops being his vacation unless he’s paying for everyone.

Post # 69
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

When the original plan was to rent a beach house, would you have invited your parents to rent one of the houses next door?  No?  So then the fact that it is now on a cruise ship with thousands of people is irrelavent.

While your Father-In-Law acted like an asshat I do think it was inappropriate for you to invite your parents to join the cruise and assume everyone would be cool with it.  I can understand why your Father-In-Law was upset, but I don’t think I could look at him the same way after having such a temper tantrum over something that in the long run wasn’t a huge deal.

Post # 70
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Your Father-In-Law was so over the top. However, I do agree although its a “public” ship, that I wouldn’t have offered up for my parents to tag along either. Nor should you have told them adout what he said. Granted you didn’t go into details but an adult can read in between the lines. So yes your actions set this off. 

But man, I’d want to punch your Father-In-Law in the throat if he spoke to my parents that way, especially after asking them to call. He’s out of line. I wouldn’t be going on that trip, just because. I know that might not be the mature way to handle this, but unless he apologizes to my parents, F it. But that’s me.  

Post # 71
Member
15144 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Father-In-Law was quite an ass and went about it all wrong, but I can understand his fustrations, espeically if he doesn’t really enjoy your parents company.  And I would also be a little peeved if I were him also and someone invited more people to my planned vacation without running it by me.   Unfortunately, it’s not always the more the merrier.  And no matter how much you say they will stay out of the way, Im sure it would effect the dynamics of the vacation.

Post # 72
Member
2629 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@caribbean_lover:  Whoa…Your Father-In-Law sounds like a real “treat.”  I can see why he would only want it to be their side of the family.  After all, it’s a family vacation, if your parents go, then yes it does change the dynamic of things.  I wouldn’t want any of DH’s family vacationing w/ my family and nor my family with his.  Mostly b/c our families are COMPLETELY different and have different vacationing styles.  With that said, it’s a freakin huge boat, not a beach house.  Your Father-In-Law had no right to act the way he did. 

Post # 73
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@caribbean_lover:  screw them are you kidding me??? (we have the same IL issues btw lol)

Your DH (forgive me) needs to grab his balls and stand up to his father on this. (I have the same overbearing Father-In-Law issues trust me). His dad is trying to get away with what he can and from the sounds of it (your hubby saying you have to go or else)…..he’s USED to getting his way by “muscle-ing” into it and if he doesnt get it he probably FREAKS right out and threatens this and that the exact same way my Father-In-Law does ….and then everyone gives in just to shut him up!!!

Most people dont really want to spend that much time alone with their in-laws, and having YOUR own parents there might have been nice and give you an out to spend some time on your own…but….at this point definatly not a good idea for your parents to go BUT I do think you need to get your hubby on board with not going/you not going…. your Father-In-Law needs to learn a hard lesson, that YOU his wife is the most impt person and he has NO right to treat you or your family that way. If he kicks and screams and has a tantrum like 5 year old??? TOO EFFING BAD… Maybe he’ll think twice next time.

You no longer feel comfortable being around them right now let alone going on a ship and having to be “pretending” your enjoying yourself while secretly rolling your eyes every second they’re around! I would tell your DH that you need some space from them for a while because what he did is unbelievable…..you are WELL within your rights to feel that way! Forgive you guys?? no how about he gets worried you wont forgive THEM.

Edit: and if you end up being forced on the vacation?? you do everything in your power and tell your DH your going to keep yourselves SOOOO busy they will only see you at dinnertime……. sign up for every activity/excursion possible….run down and save deck chairs for the two of you in the middle of other people (no room for them). (sorry lol…Ive had situations that have been amde to be “all about them” as well so …..I know what I’d be doing in hindsight)

Post # 74
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@caribbean_lover:  Your Father-In-Law sounds like a real treat!

Has he ever BEEN on a carnival cruise ship? The chances of you guys ever running into one another is basically zero.

I think it would have been really nice for your parents to be there, too (especially if you want to do a late night activity that isn’t small-child friendly! Free babysitting!)

Post # 75
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What? This is so bizarre and so poorly handled by your Father-In-Law. There is no shot I would be going after my family was treated that way. Sorry, I wouldn’t spend my own money to be somewhere where my family wasn’t welcomed. I get that you should have asked your Father-In-Law first before extending the invite to your parents, but good grief, the way he handled it was ridiculous. 

And your husband is worried that his parents won’t forgive YOU? What about your parents? Do they get to have feelings? What about how disrespected they were? 

I’d distance myself from this fast, and take some time to cool off. 

Post # 76
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@BrandNewBride:  ….I will say you’d be surprised …..I’ve done a cruise with the inlaws and I wished we could have lost them more lol…… they probably have individual bookings but are booked in as a “family group” (from the sounds of that FIL) so for us they put our cabins fairly close to eachother (10 rooms away) and we were assigned the same dining times/tables etc…. IL’s made sure to call us/confirmed when we “were all going to go eat breakfast” and then of course we’d be talking about what we’re doing for the day and it usually ended up coordinating…. 🙁 I actually snapped one day in the middle of the cruise when my now DH was like “oh we should go see if my parents are in their cabin to go get lunch….” …Me: “Actually it would be kind of nice to have 5 seconds to our freaking-selves…. they know where to get food, we’re all big girls and boys!!!” ……..I knew as soon as it came out of my mouth …..I shouldnt have said it LOL

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