(Closed) Family vacation argument!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow what a dick, who cares if he wouldn’t forgive you, I wouldn’t go. I’d tell my husband he could go if he wanted, but I’m not going, and the kid stays with me, because if my parents aren’t considered “family” enough to even be permitted on the same cruise liner, then neither is my child. 

Post # 78
Member
9833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not spend 7 days with a man that talked like that about my parents.

Post # 79
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@caribbean_lover:  “He (FIL) actually had the nerve to say he’s the head of the family,

Father-In-Law needs to realise that his little boy has grown up and has his own family now.

We never do extended family vacations (except when we travel and stay with relatives, and even that is 2 nights max – anything more is too stressful) and I suggest you do the same.

I’m not sure if you should cancel the cruise but I certainly advise that policy in future: we don’t do (extended) family vacations, we are our own family now.

Post # 80
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I am not saying Father-In-Law handled this great but are people really telling me that they wouldn’t care if other people started inviting themselves and their friends and family along to their next vacation in a public space. You know like your honeymoon accommodation? Of course you would because you have a vision of what that holiday is going ot be like right and it doesn’t (usually) include other people.

You wouldn’t be mad if you booked a romantic cruise with your Fiance and he decides to invite his 8 single mates along? Because it is the exact same thing. Father-In-Law planned this holiday and wanted it to be about his family. He could have been a real ass and excluded the OP but no he included her and thought of her as she is part of his family. Her parents however are not part of his family.

The OP backed him into a corner and made him the bad guy. She forced the reason why they could not be included out of him and it came out that he dislikes her parents and doesn’t want to spend time with them. Who cares? He is not obligated to like them or socalise with them. He probably would have went on keeping it to himself and being friendly and civil with them but the OP pushed the point.

And she most certainly laid the blame on him with her parents which was probably what blew this up even more. The person at fault was the OP for assuming that she could invite who ever she wanted to an event organised by someone else. She was selfish and was only thinking about herself and how she could get what she wanted (more time with her parents).

 

 

Post # 81
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@caribbean_lover:  Your husband SHOULD have stepped in. He should have told his father that he doesn’t appreciate him treating his inlaws like that. He needs to stick up for what is right! And your Father-In-Law is most certainly in the wrong here

Edit: He is in the wrong because of his behavior, not because he doesn’t want your parents to come. It really wasn’t your place to invite your parents but that doesn’t not give him the right to verbally assault them.

My Mother-In-Law invited herself and will be attending my bachelorette party with her 2 daughters and my friends. I’m not happy about that, but I would never say that she can’t come. If I really wanted to I would of had Fiance tell her that it’s not her place to be at my bachelorette party, but sometimes you just have to suck some things up.

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Post # 82
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d still go, but also still have my parents go so his bad behavior isn’t rewarded

Post # 83
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Hemnes:  Maybe the Father-In-Law should take back his invitation to the OP so that her bad behaviour isn’t rewarded as well? They both behaved badly so why should the Father-In-Law be the only one punished?

Post # 84
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@j_jaye:  she wasn’t “invited”, she’s paying for her own holiday. And she wasn’t deliberately rude, she was trying to be nice.

Post # 85
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@caribbean_lover:  I would have done the exact same thing as you and not given it a second thought. In my opinion when two families become one we don’t need to have a divide between family time. I invited my inlaws on a vacation to go see my parents and didn’t think twice about it. I wouldn’t go on the trip unless Father-In-Law make some apologies. Sure he just wanted his side of the family but it was expressed like a adolescent. I’d be so made because kids are a reflection of your parents and if he doesn’t care for your parents how does he feel about you?  Not saying he doesn’t love you, but  as I said I’d be so mad I’d be wondering.

Post # 86
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it was wrong of OP to invite her parents on the cruise. Her parents expressed interest in the cruise, and she basically told them that there was still space available if they wanted to sign up as well. She wasn’t booking them a room on FIL’s bill, signing them up for joint activities, or booking them seats at the same table as FIL’s family. Honestly, it sounded like OP’s mom and dad really wanted to go on the trip just for the experience moreso than to hang out with the family. It was just an added bonus that they would have been able to see their grandbaby throughout.

I obviously don’t know the OP’s parents, but I feel really, really bad for them. Father-In-Law never expressed his feelings towards OP’s parents until this trip became an issue, and I think it’s really sad that he said the things he said to them (especially directly). 

If I were in the same situation the trip would totally be ruined for me. I would tell DH that he is welcome to go on the trip, but I would be visiting my mom and dad instead, and maybe going on some sort of trip with them. That would probably mean that your LO wouldn’t be on the cruise either especially if you are breastfeeding. If I went on the trip I would just be miserable the whole time anyway due to what happened, so it would probably ruin “FIL’s trip.” 

Post # 87
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@Hemnes:  Inviting some to participate doesn’t = paying for them. Because if you think it does I hope you paid for all of your wedding guests costs to attend your wedding. i men you invited them after all!

Post # 89
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@j_jaye:  Actually yes that is what it means when you are invited to something,  I don’t know about you but my guests didn’t pay a dime during my wedding.  

How they got to the event is on them just like getting to the cruise ship would be on whoever is invited to be on it, but if I’m invited to be on a cruiseship, I’d think I’d be paying for my flight/drive to said cruiship, parking whatever, but cruise would be paid for.  It’s not really an invite if they do not pay for it, it’s a joint trip, where everyone is an equal traveler.

Post # 90
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think you did anything wrong.  I think your DH should have spoken up it his father in defense of you and your paRents. If my family spoke to Fiance or his family like that I certainly would have stepped in and not allowed it. Your Father-In-Law sounds like aN ass.  I would not be going on this vacation. I’d be pissed and would most likely never do a family vacation with them, ever. If. DH wants to go, he can go without you. 

We were invited on a cruise for FSILs 40th birthday and I refused to go.  1) I did not want to be stuck on a cruise ship of any size with his family and 2) family vacations are bad news. We did one family vacation with FIs family.  We met them at the location and stayed in a hotel separate from where the rest if the family wrested. We had our own vehicle and we controlled when we spent time with the family and for how long. Everyone was there for 1 week, except us. We were there for 3 nights. 

 

 

Post # 91
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I probably would tell my Father-In-Law to screw off.  If he didn’t want the other half of his grandsons family on the trip, that you and your son should just not go either.  

 

 

 

I could understand POSSIBLY if it was the beach house where everyone is on top of each other, but it’s a huge ship. 

 

 

 

I know my cousins’ cousins from all the family trips where everyone that wants to go just goes.  I can’t imagine what a self centered jacka** your Father-In-Law is.

 

 

 

 I probably would inform him that since he gets to see his grandson more, all the vacation time you guys take will be to go with your parent’s on a trip or just take a trip to see your parents. 

ETA: My niece from home(brothers grandaughter) comes every summer for three weeks and my Mother-In-Law takes her with us on vacation at the beach, and any day trips my niece wants to go on.  My Mother-In-Law even sends her things for her birthday and writes to her

 

 

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