(Closed) Family vacation argument!

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 108
Member
4766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@caribbean_lover:  My vote is still don’t go!

 

But if you must for Fiance, tell your Fiance to deal with it!!!!!

Tell you Fiance how many meals you want alone and what activities you want to do alone, and tell Fiance that it better happen or else.

Post # 109
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@caribbean_lover:  Well I’d say if your husband promised you that you guys would have plenty of time to your yourselves, then HE’S the one who needs to talk to his father about spending time with everyone. You know anything you do or say at this point will probably piss the Father-In-Law off even more. Have your husband stand up to his father and tell him you guys want to spend time alone every now and then. 

I just had a great idea about the meals. When I was on a cruise, I hit up those late night snack bars all the time. You know the ones that are open super late/all night and offer burgers, pizzas, etc.? Call him every night at midnight and tell him you’re planning on getting some pizza and figured he’d want to come too since all your meals must be eaten together. He probably won’t be too happy with those calls but perhaps he’ll realize he’s being a ridiculous control freak.

Post # 110
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@caribbean_lover:  Well, this is a family vacation so I don’t think he’s out of line for wanting to spend a lot of time together and you should honestly probably just prepare yourself for tons if IL time.  But I totally understand wanting some space and you should definitely make sure you have some alone time each day.  

I would suggest having your Fiance play an active role in the planning – that way you can make sure that you schedule in some free/relaxing time.  You have a kid, so it shouldn’t be too hard.  You can always say that X sounds fun, but you’ll have to play it by ear because Little Bobby might be too exhausted.  Or you can say that, yes, we are up for Y activity but let’s do it at Z time so that we have a few hours to relax before meeting for dinner.  Or you can ask your ILs if they can watch Little Bobby one night so you and your H can have a nice romantic dinner.  Or you can say that Y activity is good, but since you’re doing X the night before, maybe everyone should just do breakrast on their own so people can sleep in as much as they want.

 Taking an active role and suggesting things will probably go over much better than just saying no or backing out the day of.

Post # 111
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow your Father-In-Law is being extremely unreasonable. Yeah, maybe you could’ve had better discretion to ask him about asking your parents first. But he waaaayy overreacted! If I was a normal Father-In-Law and really wanted family time, I would just tell you “Hey, it’s okay if your parents come, but since this is our family vacation, if they are okay with not expecting to see you 24/7 or if we don’t include them in our activies/getogether, then by all means!” And IF his view point was that he is not close w/ your parents and he just wants the family to let loose or something, then ok. But clearly he finds your parents annoying! It’s just not right that he flips out. 

I am glad you are still going to enjoy a vacation w/ YOUR family. I think you can use the LO as an excuse to get out of most planned things haha. Everyime there it something you don’t want to go to, just say LO is asleep/not feeling well/whining, etc. lol! 

 

Post # 112
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sorry your Father-In-Law sucks:( I wouldn’t go, just to prove the point. He is acting like a child. He should have understood that you don’t get to see them nearly as often as you see him and his family and welcomed them, not to mention they really are part of the family!

Post # 113
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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@BrandNewBride:  Seriously. I don’t think people realize how big those ships are! You could be on one for 2 weeks and not run into someone.

Post # 114
Member
4724 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just keep coming back to the fact that it doesn’t seem like Fiance stood up for your family (who is now his family too). He may not want to stir the pot, but he really should’ve called his father out for his rudeness. 

 

 

 

Post # 115
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry for the late reply, haven’t read for any updates. but I just wanted to say that their relationship IS ruined, your Father-In-Law is a jackass, and I wouldn’t be going on vacation with them now or eVer. Nobody talks to or about my parents that way

Post # 116
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@caribbean_lover:  You need to manage his expections from now! Actually your husband needs to take the lead on this. Be CLEAR from now that you both are expecting and scheduling some alone time.

Plan seperate excusions and go for some evening meals by yourselves. I’ve been on cruises with people who want to hog the time, its not fun. So I defintely curbed their expections. Leave the cabin early. And frankly I would be just book on another deck entirely and no need to tell them about it. 

 

Post # 117
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@caribbean_lover:  if your man is promising alone time but your Father-In-Law is emailing out crazy itineraries… then sit him down asap and say “you know Im not totally happy with the situation and Im going on this trip to be with YOU….. so I need to know that we’re not going to get sucked into every single thing we’re getting sent. We need to have a plan and something to say when Father-In-Law starts getting on with his macho whatever…..”

make sure your DH knows he needs to put his foot down.

Sleep in and have breakfast on your own a bit later 😉 if they start in on your case you can always use the “we have sea sickness” excuse….not feeling too well so we’re going to rest…and then go do whatever you want! Nobody can argue with sea sickness!!

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