(Closed) Family Vacations with the In-Laws?

posted 9 years ago in Travel
Post # 33
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2001

Please be very caerful about taking a holiday with your in-laws. Once you do it once, you are letting the genie out of the bottle and they will expext to do it all of the time – this is a fact. 

My story is sadly typical. My Mother-In-Law has no real interests or friends and has spent her enire life living through her children. My wife, her two sisters and brother, and their spouses and subsequesnt children, have all been expected to spend every weekend and family occasion with ny Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law. i often try to do things with just my wife and children without my in-laws, but as my SIL and Brother-In-Law are attached to my MIL’s apron strings permanently, there is always a big family gathering that we are always asked to attend, (and it is always sold as the greatest day in the world, before and after the event). My wife and children nearly always take the bait and i subsequently spend most sundays and public holidays sitting around my MIL’s home with her 25+ extended family, bored and throughly depressed – for the sake of my wife, i have put up with this for nearly twenty years.

The first dreaded big family holiday with the in-laws occured 4 years ago, in a villa in Spain. My Mother-In-Law had tried to arrange this many times before, but i always managed to resist and somehow through lucky circumstances it didnt happen. When it eventually did, the whoie two weeks felt like two months. As my children were happy playing with their cousins, we always stayed together, heading off to beaches in a convoy of cars and sitting around the pool talking about the same boring stuff, day after day. it was a hellish vision of groundhog day and i was thoroughly depressed throughout the whole time.

2 years later the whole awful experinece was repeated again, with the same tedious, mind numbing results. i vowed to my wife that i would never do it again. Now, to my utter despair, another full-blown in-law trip has been organised for next summer. i tried hard to resist, but the strain on my marriage was so great – we even discussed divorce – i had to eventually give in. So i am now faced with the prospect of paying out many thoudands of pouds to stay in a villa with a group of people who i wouldnt normally wish to spend more than 5 minutes with. The resentment and anger I feel is overwhelming and my options are zero. 

Please tread very carefully before agreeing to doing this – the most important thning should always be your immediate family and not your partners. If like me you give in once, you might find yourself in the same position as me, where you fing yourself obliged to spend every holiday and weekend with people you normally wouldnt wish to spend 5 minutes with.

Good luck and be strong and true to yourself. 

 

Post # 34
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@JimBren:  You should probably start a new thread for this, but anyway…

The problem here is not your Mother-In-Law, but your wife. Your Mother-In-Law can invite people as often as she wants. The problem is your wife keeps saying yes. She is being unreasonable.

I think you should draw a line in the sand, and say “I’m not going”. Sooner or later, your wife needs to learn that her immediate family (you and your kids) comes ahead of her extended family.

Post # 35
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t do it…

If I wanted to go to France, I would want to see France. If I wanted to see the ILs, I would go hang out with the ILs. For the record, I have no problem doing an annual long weekend trip but that’s only a few hours away. 

Post # 36
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bichon Frise:  I think one of the big issues here is that you don’t seem excited about going at all, and you have limited vacation time as is!  I certainly wouldn’t want to eat up half of my alloted vacation time to go somewhere I wasn’t even interested in.  Not to mention spend a small fortune on it!  This is aside from the IL issue, which really just depends on your relationship with them.  

If I were in your shoes with my ILs, there’s no way in hell I would go.  But I don’t know you or your ILs.

Post # 36
Member
3304 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by Profile Photo doberman.
Post # 37
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

We have vacationed to Florida with my family twice before and will continue to do so, but I would NEVER vacation with his family! ha! He wouldn’t either, so it’s not me being a witch, they are just totally crazy. My family respected our wishes when we wanted to venture out to dinner or other date activities alone. We did spend a significant amount of time together though. It was really generous of my parents as they pay for the beach front condo and we pay our airfare and contribute to groceries. It sucks when you have limited resources and vacation time and you’re expected to travel with them though. I feel your pain! Definitely put your foot down now!

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