- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2008
In a post from the other day, i mentioned my 94 y/o grandmother fell and fractured her hip. She required surgery yesterday, which was routine, minor, and put a pin and rod in her hip. She actually got up and walked a few steps today. pretty amazing.
My issue is with my family. We are a large italian family that is VERY focused on “the family”. Most espeically, the elders. My mom and her 4 siblings are extremly doting on their parents…sometimes overly so, in my opinion.
So, my grandmother is in recovery in the hospital, and won’t be moved to a rehab facility until Friday morning. She’s tired and very old so she sleeps a lot. My mom has said with medications she’s been kinda out of it.
My family has a history of having a way of manipulating the grandchildren (and eachother…aunts and uncles and their spouses) into feeling as though they are bad people if they aren’t doting enough. I got an email yesterday in which my uncle explained that they felt it was necessary that someone was with her 24/7. They split each weekday up into 4 “shifts” in which they wanted volunteers to go and sit with her. Those shifts were 4-6 hours apiece, with the exception of the overnight shift.
First, I work in a hospital. I know the last thing recovery and PACU units want are family members sitting around all day every day. Second, I love my grandmother. But, I hate the manipulation. I am 5 weeks out from my wedding…a hospital in which my grandmother is medicated and taken care of 24 hours a day is the last place I feel she needs company constantly. When she moves to a rehab nursing home, I planned to go often. But it’s the manipulation. God, the manipulation. My mom texted me last night “oh (cousin’s name) and (cousin’s boyfriend’s name) are here. so niceo f them to visit”. Ok, she hadn’t been in the hospital for 24 hours at that point and was totally sedated and unconcious the whole time.
The weird part for me is that I want to visit her….but the fucking manipulation I get makes me not want to do anything because it’s ridiculous. at 5 weeks out from my wedding, I am sorry, but I cannot sit (unncessarily) in a hospital room for 4 hours after work, when after work is the only time I have to get anything done. And yet, it’s so “tsk tsk” if I don’t volunteer for a “shift”. My Fiance (med student) keeps telling me “you ahve no idea how irritated those floor nurses probably are…they dont’ want people sitting there all the time in the way, etc”. It’s just not necessary. Why acn’t I just go and visit on my own time, for my own determined length of time, without having to be made to feel like a shitty person about it?
I’ll probably delete this soon because it makes me sound like such a brat, but the last few years ahve been saturated by lots of elderly-person-realted manipulation and it’s really disappointing. And I’m sorry, but I have no choice but to worry about “my own self” right now…I’m getting married. Why is it wrong for me to want to dedicate time to that?