(Closed) Family wants to plan our wedding

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @katkat123:  First and foremost, as this is your DEBUT post on WBee, a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

Etiquette Snob here.. lol

Well as they say, “Honesty is the best policy”

Altho in this case it might still cause for some hard feelings.

There is another alternative, you make a pact with yourself and you keep it **… NO Friendors… anotherwords Vendors who are friends.

** Keeping it can be the hard part

In that way you can tell the Future Sister-In-Law & her Partner, that that is the route you are taking…  sorry, not gonna change my mind / compromise

“I want my Family & Friends to enjoy the day as our Guests”… and not be working

— — —

Besides, Friendors altho the offers are nice usually come with either strings attached, or problems (as you’ve already discovered)… when something goes wrong it is hard to rectify, as often you are getting a deep discounted rate or for FREE… and the Friendor gets peeved and wants to say (or does say here on WBee)…

“Well geeze she was such a B!tch considering what she paid for the service”

We had a Friendor do a service for us (she said in lieu of a Wedding Present)… and I LOVED what she did, but there were indeed timing issues… issues that I probably wouldn’t have had to deal with if I had just paid one full price.

I handled it graciously / gracefully… so there were no hard feelings… (way I looked at it was if she came thru in the end … Great.  If she didn’t then we’d have to do without that one element.  So as you can tell it wasn’t a KEY element… )

Hope this helps,


Post # 4
46408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@katkat123:  Are they wanting to offer their services as a gift? Or, are they hoping you will hire them?

“I’m sorry, but we have decided not to hire any friends or family to avoid any difficult situations.”

Post # 5
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You definitely need to nip this in the bud. One of my MOHs has been doing day of coordination for 7+ years, and while I feedback on a couple of things while I was planning, there’s no way I would have hired her to do the event. Doing any type of business with family and friends can quickly backfire.

Just be upfront- “I appreciate the thought, but I already have a planner and vision in mind. I want you to be able to enjoy the day as guests as opposed to a vendor.”

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