Family wedding set one day before when we planned

posted 9 months ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

shockedbee :  Fact: Those people gettin married are not family. 

You don’t need to hold your elopement for them. 

Post # 47
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

This is a whole bunch of drama for absolutely no reason. 

Post # 48
Member
2924 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

@Elderbee – I think I love you.

This is such nonsense.  Sorry to jump on the bandwagon but it’s really one of the sillier posts I’ve read today.

First, you have a ring in production and need to wait 6-7 months?  Why again?  Because your SO is taking some licensing exams?  That, first of all, makes zero sense.  It takes less than 10 seconds to ask someone to marry you and hand over a ring.  There is no legit reason to wait several months for you to get your ring, unless your SO is making payments on it and won’t have it until next summer (then *maybe* I give him a slight pass).

Second, this sister of a sister isn’t even really family, you weren’t planning on going anyway, and the date is like a year and a half away.  And your elopement isn’t even the same day?

Your SO needs a swift kick in the ass.  You sound very passive saying basically that he’s in charge of everything.  Isn’t this your life too?

If that date is so important to you (and I can’t relate at all; I don’t even know my dating anniversary) then get married in 2021.  Or will something else come up where you’re stealing someone else’s thunder?

Listen to ElderBee.  You’ve created this drama for nothing.

Post # 49
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

So get married on April 9th 2021?

Post # 50
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

ladyartichoke :  AND it’s on a different continent lol. 

Post # 51
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t get it, you are eloping so you can pick whatever date you please! Who cares their wedding is the day before! They get one day, and then it’s over. Keep your wedding damage, tell people that it is your anniversary date and it will be totally understandable. Seriously keep your date! Don’t worry about it at all. 

 

shockedbee :  

Post # 52
Member
8172 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

sunnierdaysahead2 :  

Ooh,  thank you !! I was afraid  I’d  been a bit  harsh,  but you validated me beautifully. 

Post # 53
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

You could totally get married on 4-20-2020 😂 on a serious note, just elope on your 5th anniversary. No offense, but your SO must not hold much significance to the date. I dunno bee, I’d talk to him about how you feel. He’s walking on eggshells to appease these people when your feelings should come first. I don’t think you wanting this one thing (a specific date) is horrible and like you said you don’t even care what you wear or where it’ll be.

Post # 54
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

If that date is so important to you. Thank get married in 2021. Case closed. It’s very simple. Your boy friend is making way to much out of this. So what if you get married the day after them wtf. So if he is so adament about it like I said don’t do it until 2021, you both can compromise. Call it a day!!!!

Post # 55
Member
11807 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The only way this makes any sense at all is if your SO wants the option of inviting inmediate family to your wedding. Even then count me as someone who doesn’t get the need to be married on a particular date. That’s why God created wedding anniversaries. You can form an attachment to a new date and still celebrate the old one. 

Also, if you have a wedding date that makes you engaged, with or without a ring. 

Post # 56
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with other bees that the situation is irrational, but I may be able to empathize a bit..

This may not be your issue at all, but I pretty bad (but normally well managed) anxiety that has a tendency to suddenly latch onto non-issues when I’m under a lot of pressure. I’ll deal with all of the real issues very well, but then the anxiety/pressure finds it’s way to burst out anyway. 

embarrassing example – when I was planning my wedding I once had a complete and utter sobbing meltdown in front of my mom because my fiancé hadn’t gotten his suit fitted properly. At the time I’d attached some other larger meaning to it, but looking back I can’t even remember what it was. And I wasn’t even being anal about the other wedding details at all. I think i just needed to blow off steam. 

So, just let yourself blow off steam a bit and then take a step backand remember that it’s ONE day of your life. And A) the wedding date is really not going to be a big deal in the grand scheme of things and B) If you choose to have it on that date you’re not doing anything wrong. 

Post # 58
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

I think that before you can get over it, you need to allow yourself to feel upset and disappointed. It sucks that you can’t have a date that is important to you. It sucks that your partner won’t budge on this. And it sucks that you feel so shitty. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way. Speak to yourself compassionately, like you would to a friend in a similar situation. And once you’ve given yourself adequate opportunity to acknowledge those feelings, make a decision to move forward. That decision won’t stop the feelings from coming up, but you don’t have to keep the story alive by rehearsing it over and over again. Whenever you notice it’s dominating your thoughts, acknowledge its presence, then re-direct your attention to something that’s meaningful to you. The story will keep playing, but instead of tuning into it, you can just let it chatter away in the background like a staticy radio. And eventually you’ll realise the story doesn’t play as often or as loudly as it used to. 

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