(Closed) Family Wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

A few of my friends either have done this or are going to do this.  I wasn’t upset by it.  Sometimes people want to get married either quickly or without it being a big production and that’s a good way to do it.  You’d probably only risk hurt feelings if you invite some of your close friends, but not all.  If there’s a clear "family only" cut off point it’s hard for people to take it personally. 

Post # 4
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2008

This is what we’re doing. A few friends were quite upset when we intitally told them this is what we were doing, because they felt a little bit cheated that they couldn’t attend. We’ve moved past it, though the inital reaction from some very important people caused some sleepless and tear filled nights.

Our response to including friends is to have an "after party" at a swank bar for a few immediate friends after the ceremony and dinner, so those really important people in town – the wedding is local for us, but destination for all immediate family members – and then plan a post-holiday/wedding party a few weeks later.

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I agree with bluegreanjean.  Maybe you can hold a seperate, less formal celebration later on for the rest of your friends.  I think people, in general, understand if it was a family-only event.

Post # 6
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

We did this.  Sort Of.  We invited immediate family.  A family from each side that aren’t related but might as well be.  And I invited 4 girlfriends (only two brought dates). (53 people total include us, photographer (and wife) and preacher (and wife) who were friends and treated as guests at wedding)  No bridal party.  My mom was Maid/Matron of Honor and hubby’s step dad was best man.

Yes some of my friends were disappointed they would not be able to watch us get married – but they all understood our desires and respected them.  If they really love you they’ll encourage you to have the wedding you dream about whether it includes them or not 🙂

I still had a girls weekend where I included all my girlfriends (not just those invited).  This was a good way to celebrate with them and they could share memories during this time with them.

We also hosted a ‘party’ in my home town.  It was an open house at me mom’s house and was mainly her friends.

Post # 7
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My husband’s first wedding was like that – family only.  While his friends say that they guess they understood, they also say that they thought it was weird – and now, of course, they blame it on his ex-wife. (Which actually is true – it was her family who didn’t want to do anything *fancy* – even though they are quite rich.)

I think that your friends will be disappointed, but certainly they should be understanding – it helps if you have some reasons to give them.  And I think it also helps if you have some kind of reception afterwards, even if its just potluck at your house, so that they don’t feel completely left out of the celebration.

His experience with his first wedding was a big reason we had so many guests for ours – because it was really important to him to "do it right" this time.  And I didn’t quite understand until I saw how really happy and excited everyone was.  After that, I agreed that it wouldn’t feel right not to include them somehow in the celebration.

Post # 8
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’m going to tell you a little story about how pissed off I am at my cousin right now. He got engaged a week after I did. I set my date before he did. He is planning a destination wedding in Puerto Rico; I am marrying on the Gulf Coast of Florida. He purposely set his date for the weekend after my wedding, knowing that people would not be able to go to both. He wanted a very small wedding and didn’t want the entire family there, and he thought it would be easier to be passive-aggressive instead of setting the date further out and only inviting immediate family. I realize that you only get one day, not a week or a month, but because of what he did he and his two brothers can’t make it to my wedding due to a lack of vacation days. I have never met his brother’s wife or their two children, and was so looking forward to it. Now I can’t, because my cousin doesn’t have the balls to say he only wants a handful of people at his own wedding. Quite frankly, after I send him a wedding gift and well-wishes, I doubt I will speak with him again. I have no room for such selfishness in my life. Even his own mother is disgusted with him because of this.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I had a friend who had a tiny family only wedding.  I think 10 people.  While I would have loved to have been a part of her wedding day, I was not upset.  Not one bit.  I was happy she did it her way.  But we did have a big shower for her, with about 50 people, which was a great way to be a part of the celebration.  If you go small, your friends might want to have bachelorette or shower or party of some sort with you, which hopefully works!!

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