Post # 16
I had a VERY similar situation- I only have one sister and had to kick her out of my wedding party…she was my Maid/Matron of Honor as well. Basically her husband tore her away from our family. We were BEST friends. She was not supportive of me and my then Fiance. Some terrible things happened and she & her husband ruined a part of my wedding planning process (a HUGE part of our wedding) and I had to kick her out. You’re better off not having someone who is not supportive of you stand by your side as your Maid/Matron of Honor or even Bridesmaid or Best Man. It hurt, a lot. I cried for weeks. It was very hard on my family… My wedding day was amazing but part of me was absolutely heartbroken that she wasn’t in it, just sitting as a guest, but then I thought of all the hurt that happened and it was better that way. Our relationship will never be the same because she took away happiness when it was my turn to get married. It was a struggle we didn’t talk for a long time- but things have gotten better and we are all civil adults. We are good friends again but we still have our problems here and there. Eventually the hurt will heal but there will always be damage there. I would try as much as you can to have your niece as a part of your wedding but theres only so much you can do. Just make sure she is at least at your wedding, you will regret it if she’s not at all. I’m sorry you have to go through this when it should be a happy time. I totally understand how you feel! I feel like I’m going to cry just writing this thinking back to how upsetting it was. So sorry 🙁
Post # 17
bwatson88 : Fair enough.
With all the “How do I ask the Maid/Matron of Honor to step down?” threads we get here, I’d say you dodged a bullet.
Post # 18
bwatson88 : Her behavior does seem very strange. You and your Fiance have been together 5 years and basically thinks that getting married 11 months after getting engaged. how is any of that too fast? I wonder if she is completely stressing over money. You said she works, in school, and has at least one child. I think for the sake of your relationship of your sister and you, you should be the first to extend the olive branch. I mean, really, a wedding is only one day and your family is forever.
I would even go so far as to call her and tell her that you want to pay for the jr bridesmaid dress as her bridesmaid gift. its pretty expensive gift but it can be budgeted in. And then ask your sister and niece out for the day to pick out the dress, lunch. you know a fun girls day. this is your sister, after your Fiance, she should be your most trusted person (and i mean this about life, not just a wedding). Just love her and show her that your relationship is important to you.
Post # 19
bwatson88 : Do you think she had grand intentions of throwing you big bashes and giving you a major wedding gift? I mean, I adore my sisters and I could totally get it if she felt like financially she couldn’t give you what she wanted due to the brief engagement. NOT that she’s right, but as the oldest of three girls, I get that.
You said you two were close, so I can only imagine that this is really about her.. either financially or something going on in her own life. My only advice is to be calm. Be kind. remember that this is just one day. Some people ruin relationships for years or a lifetime over weddings. Don’t be that person. I get that she’s being a pain. Truly. However, sister relationships (and all relationships) go three ways. There’s your side. Her side. And the truth.
Post # 20
TO add, I do not mean you are lying here. I mean that you only see things from your side and she only sees them from hers and the reality is somewhere in the middle. Maybe evaluate how you’re treating her these days. Is it all about you and all about the wedding all the time? Were you flippant about her financial worries? Do you act like you’re using her daughter as a prop for your wedding? Just something to consider.