(Closed) Family/race problems

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@allyfally:  Sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat. I’m Puerto Rican and he’s half Asian (mom). She thinks I’m black because I’m a dark skinned hispanic and doesn’t want us to get married. She acts fake to my face but whenever she talks to Fiance, or Future Sister-In-Law she starts complaining again.

I’ve gotten to the point where I just ignore the rudeness accept that she probably will never change and draw the line at our future children interacting with her and being subjected to her bitterness.

Good luck!

Post # 4
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some people need more time than others to adjust to a new situation. Just because your dad is supportive doesn’t mean his mom will be supportive right away. It may take her a few more months, or a year, or she may never fully accept it. Just keep taking the high road, be nice to everyone, and hope for the best.

Good news, if they meet at the wedding, there will be lots of other people there and things gong  on, so it will take some of the pressure off. No long awkward pauses or conversations, you can move on to the next wedding activity.

Post # 5
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with Kerensa give people time. My mother (white) actually married my dad (full blooded Chinese) a long time ago. THe biggest catch? My dad is not only a male, but the OLDEST male in a chinese family. Needless to say his parents did not approve (they were an arranged marriage from Canton China)! and they expected their oldest to marry a nice chinese woman that would respect and obey my dad’s every whim…but he didn’t he married my mother who is very ummm not that lol. As time grew and my mom kept embracing a few Chinese traditions (the traditional tea ceremony for the wedding) and kept making my dad happy…oh yea and she got pregnant with a boy!!! My mother soon grew on my grandfather and slowly but surely my grandmother came around as well.

Just keep being pleasant and try not to let it get to you.

Post # 6
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That sounds like a difficult situation, but I agree with PPs to continue being patient, kind and courteous, no matter how hurt you are. Perhaps the closer you get to your wedding, the more your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law will realize that you are in fact a permanent figure in your FI’s life and it will encourage them to want to get to know you. It sounds like a good sign that they are going to the wedding, so they clearly care about your relationship to some extent.

Has your Fiance had several opportunities to speak to them and maybe encourage them to come around to the idea of meeting you? Like I said, just be patient and try not to take it personally.  Although prejudice in any sense of the word is not a nice thing, I am sure you understand where their bitterness is coming from and the unimaginable history that it’s buried in, which is by no  means a personal attack on you.

It may take time, but I am sure that eventually everyone will warm to everyone else once the opportunity is given, and everything else will be based on the person that everyone is rather than their race.

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