Post # 1
I just really wanted to get this out to people who dont know me or my Fiance personally.
Okay, so I’m white and he’s black. When I was growing up my dad was always extremely racist. I never agreed with it, but I cant really change his opinion. Well, he’s moved to another state and I never see him anymore, but somehow thats actually made us closer. I was really nervous to tell him I was dating a black guy, but I eventually sucked it up and told him. He was actually supportive and told me that as long as he treats me right and makes me happy then he has nothing bad to say about it.
Now on to his family. His mom and sister havent met me. They dont want to meet me. He says they basically just dont care and have no interest in meeting people who arent family. At first I just kind of shrugged it off, but then it started really bothering me. So I asked him about meeting them once again, and then he admitted to me that they’re “slightly” racist.
I’m partly saddend by this and partly pissed off by this. I feel if my dad can get over it and be supportive, why cant his mom and sister? And shouldnt his mom just be glad that he’s found someone who makes him happy?
Alex says that on our wedding day will probably be the first time I will meet his mom. That is just ridiculous to me on so many levels. She lives like 10 minutes away! My mom has completely accepted him and is even letting him live with us part time (he spends the night probably 5 days of the week.) She’s bought him Christmas and birthday presents, she’ll sit around and eat meals with him, she’s completely accepted him as part of the family. And his mom cant even be bothered to just say hi to me?
Another family issue… The wedding day will also probably be the first time my mom and my step mom will meet. Oy. Now I’m starting to get scared.
Post # 3
@allyfally: Sorry you’re going through this but you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat. I’m Puerto Rican and he’s half Asian (mom). She thinks I’m black because I’m a dark skinned hispanic and doesn’t want us to get married. She acts fake to my face but whenever she talks to Fiance, or Future Sister-In-Law she starts complaining again.
I’ve gotten to the point where I just ignore the rudeness accept that she probably will never change and draw the line at our future children interacting with her and being subjected to her bitterness.
Post # 4
Some people need more time than others to adjust to a new situation. Just because your dad is supportive doesn’t mean his mom will be supportive right away. It may take her a few more months, or a year, or she may never fully accept it. Just keep taking the high road, be nice to everyone, and hope for the best.
Good news, if they meet at the wedding, there will be lots of other people there and things gong on, so it will take some of the pressure off. No long awkward pauses or conversations, you can move on to the next wedding activity.
Post # 5
I agree with Kerensa give people time. My mother (white) actually married my dad (full blooded Chinese) a long time ago. THe biggest catch? My dad is not only a male, but the OLDEST male in a chinese family. Needless to say his parents did not approve (they were an arranged marriage from Canton China)! and they expected their oldest to marry a nice chinese woman that would respect and obey my dad’s every whim…but he didn’t he married my mother who is very ummm not that lol. As time grew and my mom kept embracing a few Chinese traditions (the traditional tea ceremony for the wedding) and kept making my dad happy…oh yea and she got pregnant with a boy!!! My mother soon grew on my grandfather and slowly but surely my grandmother came around as well.
Just keep being pleasant and try not to let it get to you.
Post # 6
That sounds like a difficult situation, but I agree with PPs to continue being patient, kind and courteous, no matter how hurt you are. Perhaps the closer you get to your wedding, the more your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law will realize that you are in fact a permanent figure in your FI’s life and it will encourage them to want to get to know you. It sounds like a good sign that they are going to the wedding, so they clearly care about your relationship to some extent.
Has your Fiance had several opportunities to speak to them and maybe encourage them to come around to the idea of meeting you? Like I said, just be patient and try not to take it personally. Although prejudice in any sense of the word is not a nice thing, I am sure you understand where their bitterness is coming from and the unimaginable history that it’s buried in, which is by no means a personal attack on you.
It may take time, but I am sure that eventually everyone will warm to everyone else once the opportunity is given, and everything else will be based on the person that everyone is rather than their race.
Post # 7
Well his older brother has a 3 year old daughter with a white girl… And his mom still wont even let the mother of his child in the house. She’ll babysit the kid, but she wont go pick her up from the moms house, she makes him bring her to her house.
So, I’m sure it’ll be several years of me waiting. Oh well. I guess as long as she’s not trying to get up to break up or something I cant really complain.