(Closed) Familyzilla!

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow! It must be tough to feel like they’re discouraging you. Just from reading your account, it sounds like they’re doing it with the best intentions, anyway: they remember what they regret/struggled with on their wedding days, and want to keep you from making the same mistakes! Sometimes in their efforts to be supportive, people can end up undermining another person’s goals. It can be a fine line.

For now, I’d keep doing what you’ve probably been doing: flash a smile and make some sort of comment like, "I’m sure it will work out." Or, the next time they say something about the dress, try being as straightforward as possible (maybe with a bit of humor): "I know you regret not having a nicer dress, but this is really what I want, and if I regret it afterward at least you can say I told you so!" 😉 

Post # 4
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I keep my family at bay with emails.  I tell them "Thank you for thinking of that.  Can you shoot that to me in an email?  I’m sort of overloaded and can only think of one thing at a time."  They say what they need to say and I don’t have to look at them frowning or hear the tone in their voice.  The tone is what makes me want to taser them.

Print the labels yourself.  If you want to get fancy, you can get 5 monograms for $20 at Creative Montage

Post # 5
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m really sorry they are flipping out at you! Maybe showing them the amounts you’ll save by doing it at home will help calm them down. I think maybe they are just concered that with the little time left you might be taking too much on, and this is totally something I do! LOL so I know what it’s like to have family be like "are you really sure you want to do that?"

Bear in mind, my weding is the 23rd of August, I got engaged the 20th of August 2007 and started planning right away. It took me 2 months to DIY just the DESIGN for my invites – to get it right and be happy with it ( I am picky, so for some maybe it didn’t take them as long)

I haven’t even printed and assembled them yet – or printed all the envelopes but I anticipate that takning a few weeks doing the over time because I don’t think I’ll be able to find the time to do it all at once. 

With all the DIY I am doing I still ordered my seals, I designed them myself then orderd them from http://www.uprinting.com/print/Labels.html because the quality was much better then I could print at home, and lets face it – ink is expensive.

ANyway – you get the point DIY can take longer then you might think, what I’m trying to really say is, send them both an e-mail (if confrontation isn’t your thing) and explain that you understand they are trying to help but they are stressing you out more and more. This is your wedding and you have your own dreams for it and would appreciate them keeping their ideas to themself or at leastunderstand whan you say "No" the first time"

They may not know that you are upset – they may honestly think that they are helping – so talking to them is really the only way to figure this one out.

Good luck hun!!! 

Post # 6
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Not being a paper person, I can’t speak to the DIY invite issues, but I AM a "non-bling" person, so I feel you on the simple dress. 

If you don’t like crystals now, you aren’t going to magically love them on your wedding day. I wouldn’t worry about "popping" in the photos– you’ll be the only one in a white dress.  In my mind, that’s pop enough. 

As for the centerpieces, they sound lovely but also requiring of a lot of last-minute assembly.  I think they are still do-able, but you might want to see if you can pay your caterer or DOC to do that, rather than deputizing a friend or relative.  You might also look into what a florist would charge to execute your vision b/c it might be less than buying all the materials yourself, since the orchids and candles are the only non-reusable things they would be providing.

Post # 8
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

oh yeah – if you found THE dress and they were criticizing your choice, i can definitely understand why you were upset. from your post, i thought they were just offering generic shopping advice.

chin up, girl. if you feel beautiful and confident in it, everybody’s going to see that. 

Post # 9
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Everybody has an opinion – but yours is the only one that really counts.  Just remember that!!  I also have a very simple dress, in that it doesn’t have lace or beads or sequins…  I had to show my sis and mom about a dozen pictures from magazines, and reject about a dozen dresses, before they finally got it through their heads that I REALLY, REALLY, meant NO lace NO beads NO sequins – just fabulous fabric, fabulously designed.  When we finally found THE DRESS, they both agreed that it is totally me.

Maybe your Bridesmaid or Best Man and your SIL don’t understand your style all that well, but really I encourage you to NOT give in to their idea of what you would or should like.  I have had a couple of little issues with my sis and mom over flowers as well.  I think that, like the dress, that was about their idea of what a wedding dress or bouquet should look like.  Once they actually saw what I was looking for, they got on board with it.  If you tell and show your Bridesmaid or Best Man and SIL what you want and they actually can’t respect that, you may need to nicely remind them that it is your wedding.  And when they get married again, they can do whatever they want.  But right now, its about what you want.

And if they can’t get behind that, you probably need different shopping partners.

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