Post # 1
So for someone who is reserved in every possible way, with their fi and just in general, someone who never swears, never says any dirty words, even when it’s like a person with the last name cox, a girl who can’t even say that out loud, how do you suppose she can bring up a not so reserved “fantasy” with her fiance?
Don’t get me wrong, nothing extreme, but something that just isn’t like the reserved me…
Post # 3
well wine helps.
ask him if he has any fantasies. We’ve talked about ours and not all will happen but it’s fun to lay in bed and discuss them. 0:)
Post # 4
Could you both write out a few, and exchange them to start with? It might be less pressure and easier to ease into if you can write it out first.
Post # 5
My SO and I have just always been open about that kind of thing. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about! We all have some fantasies, even if it doesn’t seem to fit in with our personalities.
When you two are getting in the mood some day, just bring it up like it’s a part of foreplay. Ask him what fantasies he has. If he’s shy about it too, maybe just bring up something little you fantasize about and like, whether it is a new position, new sex location, etc. Hopefully that would get the ball rolling and he’d respond. Then work your way up to whatever other “less reserved” fantasy you have in mind. I’m sure he won’t be horrified! You’ll probably find he has a few of his own. 🙂
Post # 6
I’m also very reserved, or at least think of myself that way, in normal life. I was very embarrassed about talking about sex initially with my SO, too. What helped me was reading a book (a very large and fun book) called The Guide to Getting it On, which goes over lots of stuff about sex and relationships in detail– it’s fun and informative, and manages to avoid being gross (except when it is talking about health issues). My SO was embarrassed by it (he is easily embarrassed about such things), but I enjoyed reading it and it helped me be braver about saying things. I’m still a little embarrassed about verbalizing certain things, but it’s gotten much easier, especially when in the moment, and it is really fun for both of us.
I’ve found that an easy way to suggest new things is to refer to a silly magazine (“I saw this thing in Cosmo that I am kind of curious about”) or, if you have a sexy dream involving one of your fantasies, tell him about the dream. Or, when you are having a special evening together, when it becomes obvious that sex is going to happen, say, “would you like to try XYZ? I’m kind of curious about it. . .” And once you’ve said something, ask him if he has things he might want to try/has been dreaming/fantasizing about too. . .
Post # 7
Thank you all for your advice. I tried to bring it up on a few occassions in the last few days. Fiance and I have a rather healthy relationship, always have, and things are great. I asked him what he wanted to do, anything more or anything different and he told me a position and we did it a couple nights later but I’ve only been able to joke about what I’d like to do. I joked about doing it to him and he laughed. I joked the next day and the next about it and he laughed and said he might like it, but it never went further than that. I suppose joking about it wasn’t the best idea, I think now he thinks I’m not serious about it lol
I’ve told him a few times when I was drinking of other things I like, like when he says certain things. But I think it kind of make him feel on the spot because he doesn’t say them any more. And the same goes for me, he said he liked when I say something but it kind of made me feel awquard about it after and I’ve stopped saying it 🙁 doesn’t help that we’re both so shy.
I’ve had a lot of dreams about him, especially in the last year and I tell him about them and he says “we should do that some time” but we never do. We about 90% of the time do the same thing the same way. But don’t get me wrong it’s great, really really great, I just would like to try other things since it’s so great and I’m sure even more would be be better… Or different you know?
Basically all it is is that my fi is very masculine, he’s really manly and I love that about him. In a lot of ways I’m really old fashioned and I love being a woman. I’m the girliest woman around, and he’s the manliest man, and I’d just like that to show in the bedroom a little more, I guess a little more strength and a little more not force but you know? Not like hitting choking or anything but you know… I don’t even know how to word it… Hopefully someone gets what I’m saying
Post # 8
It seems like you just want some rougher sex. For him to “take you,” per say. Am I right? Most women I know like for their man to get a little rough and be dominant.
So you have shared some fantasies, and even agreed “we should do that some time.” So next time you two start to get intimate, stop him and say, “Hey, let’s try XYZ. I think it will be fun.”
And give him guidance during sex. He won’t know what you want unless you tell him or show him. Want him to grab your hair? Tell him to. Or else take his hand and move it there. He’ll get it eventually.
It might feel awkward, but you just need to learn to let go and share what you want. Since it seems like you’ve had some discussions outside the bedroom about it, now when you two start up with foreplay, bring it up again.
Beside, what is the worst that can happen? He seems open to changing things up, so the worst that can happen is maybe a couple awkward moments where you two don’t know what you’re doing. That isn’t so bad is it? He’s your fiance, he loves you and wants to be with you, so he’s not going to reject you.
Let us know how it goes!
Post # 9
maybe suggest he push you up against a wall? or maybe you’d like him to tie you up with panty hose? something not harmful but a little more dominant? I don’t think these things are too far fetched, something a little rougher but nothing that is out of control. In our every day lives I’m more dominant, I’m a strong tough independent woman, but I enjoy being ‘taken over’ in a slightly rough he’s dominant kind of way. You could even suggest that he just pin your arms over your head or something?
Post # 10
My Fiance has a fantasy of me getting it on with another guy… And him either watching or pleasuring me at the same time as the other guy.. Any other bees got a guy with this fantasy?