(Closed) Fascinating blog post about ULTIMATUMS

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

I read it too, it’s a great article. however, it did kinda push me over the edge to nudge some more to my boyfriend about timelines, and marry me or let me free and the whole convo didn’t go so well. Arrrghhh… and here I was trying to keep quiet for a few weeks!

Post # 6
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

Ohh!!! Interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks for the post!

Post # 7
Bee
1901 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

I could have written this article myself. I know it’s not a popular view on the ‘bee, but I gave Darling Husband an ultimatum and I don’t regret it. He’s a procrastinator and he actually gets mad at me when I *don’t* nag because he is just lazy/forgetful… He’s the kind of guy who needs (and appreciates) a kick in the pants! And I just happen to be the type of girl who likes to give their SO a kick once in a while! 😉

ANYWAYS. My proposal came way back in 2010. We were living together and dating for over 5 years. Our lease expired on August 31st and way back in March I told him that I would not re-sign with him if he didn’t propose by the end of our lease term. He ended up proposing on August 28th. (And we signed our new lease on the 29th!! Heh.) At the end of the day I don’t think I would have left him — I loved him (and still love him!) way too much to leave. BUT I truly believe that if I hadn’t set that hard deadline we would STILL be dating to this day.

Now we are married and every once in a while I ask him *why* he waited so long to propose. He just looks at me and shurgs and says, “That’s just the way I am!”

Sigh and for some reason, I love him for it. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

@EffieTrinket:  Actually, bringing marriage up IS what got me upset. I read A Practical Wedding all the time too, and love it. I was just feeling kinda empowered, not to make an ultimatum, but to keep clearly stating my wants and needs. And I did that, without really thinking or planning, and it backfired. Boo.

Post # 9
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I personally dont know how I would feel about a proposal that was “forced” due to an ultimatum. I would probably spend forever wondering if he really wanted this….

Post # 10
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was reading through the website.. thanks for posting that link! There are alot of really great articles on there, I bookmarked them so I could read them when I have my downer days.

Post # 11
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

@Mrs. Coyote:  OmG these are my exact dates right now and same type of situation 

Post # 12
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

after 5 years of dating i used the “U” card. because if he wasnt going to ask i still wanted to date somone for a while before marrying them and then enjoying some time a deux before having babies and i want a few kids and i want to have them before i get too grumpy to handle them.

plus at my dads b-day my intoxicated father asked him if we’re ever going to get married because he wants grand kids asap lol

Post # 13
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I loved this article thanks for sharing! I think the “U” can be used if your confident in your relationship and where you stand and where your boyfriend stands. My boyfriend is the most loving, caring, sweet person I have ever met. We are always together, involves me 100% in his life, contacts me randomly throughout the day to say “hi”, talks about our future, has introduced me to everyone in his life, tells me he loves me and wants to marry me and I know he does. But after 2.5 yrs still hasn’t done it I truely beleive he’s the type of guy that needs a push to get things done. Its the way he is so yes I have given him the “U” lol and I dont regret that I have he has until the end of Sept or I have told him I will walk. He actually didnt fight me at all when I told him that and since that date was given he is still be very loving towards me and nothing has changed so I don’t think he is angry at all about this “U” 😉 I will keep you ladies posted lol

Post # 14
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Count me in the boat for could have written it! SO finally got it through his head one night after a fight which led to “Well dear the lease is already up and October is fast approaching, if we aren’t engaged something is going to change” and then the big emotional spill of “We’ve been looking at rings for nearly 8 months! Are you going to do it or not? I was serious when I said one year of living together and you’re moving out. That one year is in October and its only a couple months away, my love. I’m not trying to piss you off but you have to remember tha there are two of us in this relationship and not just you. You say you’re ready and you want to yet you do nothing that shows that to me. I want to be with you but if you don’t want to be with me you have to let me go so I can figure something else out with my life.” (SO says nothing, pulls me over to him, unlocks the iPad and right there he was sitting in the bedroom looking at rings) Since then (month ago or so?), we’ve bought a diamond and this week will be the last stop for looking at settings. Once he gets the ring, he’s asking dad and then me and then we’ll be full steam ahead.

Was it the dream proposal story I’ve thought of since I was a kid? No but I’m not a kid anymore, I’m an adult with goals and I need a partner who respects that.

Post # 15
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Yup, I’ve used it, too.

It wasn’t a ‘marry me or else’ – it was a ‘we’ve agreed to get married, now you actually have to do something about it by x date’.

He made some serious f**k ups along the way (buying a £600 iPad in January without having ANY money for the ring) and his procrastination just made things worse.

He’d always use money as an excuse, but in July I found out he hadn’t even picked a setting so how was he using money as an excuse when he didn’t even know how much he needed to save?

At the end of July we had a huge discussion (timeline up by the beginning of Sept) and he realised he’d screwed up again by not thinking ahead. It’s not going to happen at the beginning of September now because when he finally found the perfect setting, he realised he needed another paycheck before he could afford it – and then it would take 4 weeks to make.

So it’ll be a month later than he originally said but I’m just happy now that the wheels are in motion. Or rather, will be in motion on Friday when he gets paid.

Men tend to think about the present rather than the future. And it’s irritating as hell!

Post # 16
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

@jpalm13:  I agree proposals aren’t always like the movies. I didn’t think it would end up like this for me either (having given an ultimadum) but I’m over that. The proposal isn’t whats  important to me.  However, I still think that he will still manage to surprise me even with a deadline set!

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