Post # 1
I know we’ve all seen Father of the Bride – but I had no idea how accurate some of it is.
I went down to my parent’s house for the first time post-engagement yeterday and my dad was acting strange. he almost seems like he is more stressed than he is happy. Up until this point, he has said nothing but positive things about my fiance. First, I got a 1 hour inetrrogation with him asking me tons of questions about him, and then went into weirdness around money, and total overeactions to my reactions.
He is typically a very generous man, but pushed back on paying for a wedding coordinator (said I have enough money to take care of that) then asked that I present a budget to him, etc. I guess I had this vision he would be overjoyed and celebratory in nature – but he is just acting weird. I just dont know how to handle it, I cried yesterday then again this morning.
Our situation is a bit more complicated than usual, as my fiance and I come from different cultures, etc. But my mom and extended family are handling this way better.
Anyone have a similiar experience with fathers being weird??
Post # 3
My sister got married a few years ago and I remember her discussing this exact situation with me. She said that dad was acting strange and she was wondering if he was questioning their relationship. It bothered her quite a bit.
We are both “Daddy’s Girls” so when I got engaged I waited to see if the same thing would happen. It didn’t. So I mentioned it to my dad. I had wondered if maybe he realized after my sisters wedding that it wasn’t so bad or something.
He told me exactly what the issue was: My Fiance asked my Daddy’s permission. Fiance called him and took him to breakfast and got his approval. My sisters now Darling Husband never did that and so it made my father question his character and he felt disrespected. My father is young and hip and I was surprised that this meant anything to him, but so glad Fiance is a traditionalist (at least with this).
So with that said, I would ask him. It may be a simplier answer than you realize.
Post # 4
My dad was so happy. Fiance and I had gone on a trip so we didn’t see my parents after the engagement for a few days. But no one acted weird after wards. If he did act weird I wouldn’t have blamed him, I know how emotional it is to feel like you’re losing a daughter.
Post # 5
You may just need to wait it out as well – for all sorts of reasons I’ve seen dads (and moms!) be weird about engagements. As mwitter said, the easiest way to handle it is probably just to ask, but i know that for some issues it just takes time and patience. My parents were always welcoming of my fiance but i think held it against him a bit that he took me away from home and that we plan to make our lives overseas…the more time they spent with us and the more they saw us together, the better it got, and now if anything they like him more than me 🙂
Don’t lose hope – give it time and if you’re really frustrated then have a heart to heart with your dad.
Post # 6
@mwitter80: That’s interesting that you said that. I was almost positive that my husband was going to ask my Dad for his permission, but since I knew how important it was, when we had talked about getting married way before he proposed, I was like, ‘you better ask my dad first!’ half joking but half serious. He did anyways and I think my Dad really appreciated that. My Dad also loves him to death, but still, I think it helped. I am hoping my sister’s boyfriend will be asking my Dad soon!
Post # 7
My Dad was the same way for the first month after I got engaged. (My fiancee did call and ask his blessing, so it wasn’t due to that). He would say things that felt very insulting, like asking how many dates we’d been on (we’d been living together 8 months at that point), questioning every thing I planned, and really pushing me on our vision of a small wedding saying that I was choosing my mother’s side over his. He had me in tears multiple times. Then one day it completely changed. He called me up and went on and on about how much he liked my fiancee and asked why we were waiting so long to get married. (Our wedding is 8 months after we got engaged). I think he just needed some time to get used to the idea, even though I’m 31 and haven’t lived at home since college I think he saw this as me being an adult and not sure how to talk to me all of a sudden. So I would suggest giving your dad a little time and seeing if it’s just an adjustment thing. If it doesn’t get better after awhile, try sitting down and discussing it with him. He might not even realize the effect his actions are having on you.
Post # 8
My situation was the exact opposite. When my husband and I got engaged, my father was thrilled. He was even trying to get us to get married pretty much right after I graduated from college a month later. Oh, and because this will probably come up, we went together to tell my parents our intentions and to ask their blessing. I hated it, because I’m very against it, but we decided to anyway.
A few weeks later we announced that we were moving out of state, and my father’s attitude completely changed. He suddenly hated my husband and actually told us that we no longer had his “permission” to get married. Obviously, we still got married anyway, but the drama leading up to the day was awful. Everything that my father didn’t like just had to be my husband’s idea, for instance the recessional song we wanted, which was a little harsh but had no bad words.
I can’t tell you if it gets any better. My father hates my husband to this day. He thinks my husband forced me to marry him, dragged me away to another state, and is trying to isolate me from my family. He’s actually called him a disrespectful, hateful, controlling person, which absolutely does not describe my husband, but describes my father perfectly. I’m estranged from him now, for this and other reasons.
I hope you’re able to figure out what is going on. Your father might just be worried and wants to know that you’ll be taken care of when you got married. The best bet really seems to be to just talk to him about it.
Post # 9
My dad (who really likes my fiance) DID go all Father-of-the-Bride on me, initially.
Fiance asked his permission, and we went to my parent’s house to celebrate after he proposed. My dad even bought a nice bottle of champagne and we toasted. Then weeks of weirdness ensued.
My dad never questioned our relationship outright to me, but he would just get quiet and sulky when my mom and I discussed the wedding. He’d ask me questions about fiance shoveling snow and coming to pick me up and paying for dates (all of which he does, but c’mon dad, this isn’t 1950 – I can do things myself too!) It was all very weird and annoying.
Finally I brought it up with my mom, and she explained that he was just having some trouble because, as much as he loves fiance, I’m the only daughter and he doesn’t think anyone will ever take care of me as well as he did. Yuck, that’s sexist and insulting even typing it, but I guess it’s just how a lot of dads naturally feel.
He always seems happy when we talk about the wedding now, and I just ignored his sulkiness when it was going on. They just need time to get used to the idea of “losing us” I guess. In all likelihood, it will get much better!
Post # 10
My dad won’t talk about the wedding at all, his eyes glaze over, took 6 months to respond to emails about the father daugher dance, and refuses to give me more than $600 for a wedding at a nice hotel with probably 130 guests. I have already spent more than that at Joann fabrics.. whatever, says he doesn’t have the money while talking about buying a sports car……… and get this PAYING FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY TO GO TO ECUADOR to visit my sister. My mom is refusing so that her $1000 plane ticket will go to the wedding, but it still won’t. No idea why. He calls it the trip of a lifetime, as compared to the importance of his daughter’s wedding. Mid life crisis? It seems in poor taste to do that while also telling me they are poor.
Anyways, “Father of the Bride” was so true. From wanting it in a backyard BBQ to all of a sudden acting incredibly irrational. I also really recommend the original from 1950 with Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor. It is very funny, and its fun to compare the differences and similarities.