(Closed) father and stepdad both walking me down aisle

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

wow, your life is my life!

I’m in the same position… close with my dad, but my stepdad has been with my mom since I was 12 and I am close with him as well. It was always assumed by my mom and my stepdad that they would both walk me but I had never talked about this with my dad.

I was waivering on how to bring it up? or just wait till the rehearsal and say “ok so you 2 get in position”… but I know that probably wouldnt go over very well. What I do know is you HAVE to make it sound as if this is your decision not asking permission like you said. I’ll tell you how it happened for me but up until that point I realized it had to be something along the lines of bringing up teh rehearsal and say “so dad I have something I want to talk to you about. I’ve been thinking about how I want my wedding day and want everyone special to me to be a part of it and what I want is for you and ____ to both walk me down the aisle.”

I “technically” havent said the words straight out but I’d been freaking out about it. Last month I was driving to another province for a wedding and my dad txt me…. He asked where I was and I said Im standing in a wedding…he made a comment about it being good practice for mine. He says speaking of…are you having a rehearsal? I said yes… then he makes a random comment that I have no idea what else he could have possible meant if not on ref to both walking… (backround my stepdad is jamaican)…he says …”ok so we will be in the church…so myself and ____ will be ebony and ivory, hankies please”

That was the only comment about the “rehearsal”…so what else could he have meant?

So… I thought to myself…is this his way of asking or confirming that the two of them will be walking me (cause well he’s white and my stepdads black lol)….so…. I wanted to tread lightly….so I shot back “yes we will do a rehearsal, I’ll be like an oreo cookie”

meaning… the 2 of them black suits with me in the middle…I thought it was a clever way to be subtle but obvious? and he just said yes I do like oreos.

Now…. here’s my delema, Im assuming that was the not so obvious/obvious conversation…. but then again I have concerns he didnt mean it like I thought, or get my oreo ref??? I dont know if I should bring it up so I feel your pain. At this point Im lucky because I can ref that convo when the time comes and say look… this is what I want…you randomly said “this”….. what did you mean if not both walking???

Maybe you can use my oreo cookie ref as a buffer to see his reaction… like oh man im gonna be like an oreo going down the aisle and start laughing. If he says what are you talking about? then take a deep breathe and say This is what I want.

I feel ya hun…. people are asking me what the big deal is… and Im like its a lot harder to say this then you think






Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@August13bride:  I am going to tell you now, you’re dad will likely be hurt about it because it’s a very public display in front of guests that you don’t consider him to be your only father.  There are lots of posts on here baout easy going dads flipping out about this exact situation.  Are you still doing a father/daughter dance?  Maybe play up the fact that the F/D dance is your special time with just the two of you.  You might also want to consider having one walk you halfway and then the other walking you the rest of the way.

I have a stepdad but I would never dream of hurting my dad’s feelings in that way.  Plus, my stepdad has two other daughters that he can walk down the aisle for their weddings while I am my dad’s only daughter.

Post # 6
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

@August13bride:  My mom remarried when I was 7, so I have had a loving father and a loving stepfather since I was 7. I get along with both and both have been there for me in separate ways.

Here is how I am handling it: I am walking down the aisle with both. When we get introduced into the reception, instead of going straight into the first dance, we will do toasts. Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man, and then my stepdad will speak as the “host” father of the bride. He will then announce that I will dance with my dad. In this way, he is seen (in his eyes) as giving “permission” for this to happen and for it to happen this way. And then I will dance with my daddy and in his eyes, this gets to be HIS special thing with his biological daughter. And then we do the mother/son, and THEN we do the first dance. Its a bit backwards but it works so well for my situation, and its not like we don’t get all the traditional bits and pieces!

Now, my dad hasn’t always had it easy but he has also made some not so great decisions in his life and so he has not always had money to help me and sometimes his decisions have effected my life. My mom and stepdad get FURIOUS about these, but to me, my dad loves me and encourages me and tells me I’m his life all the time. So my stepdad has some resentment toward my father. And even despite me trying to keep things “even” he was still feeling a little down about having to “share” me.

So you know how some people do a first look? Well I’ve been seeing a trend about getting a special set of pictures for the dad’s first look, too. Arrange for whichever father may need the “boost” and find a private time to get the “Father’s first look at his daughter” pictures, that you can request the photog keep off the blog or website, and then you can arrange to have one put in a frame for him. For me, I need to do this for my stepdad. He needs to know that although I’m “sharing” he is absolutely still my dad too and I love him to the moon and back. My dad won’t feel left out, and my stepdad feels happy, and all around its a win.

Post # 7
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

And for clarification, I am the only daughter for each. I am my dad’s only child and I have one half brother from my mom and stepdad.

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