Father in law a bit weird?

posted 4 months ago in Family
  • poll: Is this kind of behavior normal?
    Yes,all men are like that! : (2 votes)
    3 %
    No! You are his DIL! It’s etiquette! : (66 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Disgusting. I wouldn’t go around there anymore if he continues such sexual comments. What if he makes a move on you? What did your Darling Husband do/say?

    Post # 18
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    I think he’s grooming you, testing your limits, pushing them back. And even if he’s not he’s repulsive and digusting and I wouldn’t see him. And that won’t be you “tearing the family apart”; it’s entirely him.

    Post # 20
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee

    I would be completely disgusted and tell your fiancé that I don’t feel comfortable around his family.  I wouldn’t even go to family events.  You shouldn’t have to be subjected to sexual harassment and your fiancé shouldn’t expect that of you.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee

    That’s just how he is, OR boys will be boys, are all UNACCEPTABLE phrases that need to die. I highly suggest this as a good opportunity to explain to your husband how dangerous that mindset is. If you would hold your children to a higher standard than your Father-In-Law, then that is a problem.

    I highly doubt your fiance would allow your kids to misbehave and say, that’s just how they are. If you two plan on having children that kind of stuff is exactly what has created all the issues we are currently going through. Children need to know and see that there are NO excuses for inappropriate behavior no matter what, no exceptions. People will be held accountable for what they do and say, and anyone who wanted to be in my child’s lives or in my life will also abide by that rule. 

    Ive found that there are many things my boyfriend hasn’t thought of along these lines that I have had to explain to him. It is easier than you think for people to accept shit behavior simply because its how things have always been. Realizing something doesn’t have to continue being a certain way just because it has been that way so far is a powerful lesson. To move forward as a society we all have to pitch in and stand up against these kinds of loose standards of behavior and demand better. It seems small, but if we all did it, it wouldn’t be so small. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    lemonlime93 :  NONONONONO

    Not only is this NOT NORMAL for Future In-Laws, this is NOT NORMAL for any male above the age of 16.

    The ONLY people I’ve seen make vibrator jokes are women, to other women, usually when they’ve had close friendships for a long time. Like my mom and her friends of 10 years, at parties, when they’re drunk. That is bachelorette party talk…..

    My boyfriend’s mom got sexually harassed at work one time (more than once, but this is one example). A guy made a joke about a gynecological exam and she said “it’s no worse than a prostate exam” and humiliated him in front of everyone.

    I say humiliate him, knock him down a peg. I used to get harassed at work constantly until I dealt a hard blow to this one guy’s ego, he kept his mouth shut after that.

     

    I will add that my boyfriend has a very outgoing uncle, but the worst thing he’s ever said to my boyfriend was “you don’t have to show off”. He likes to make people blush, but he would NEVER make a sexual joke.

    Post # 23
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    echomomm :  “verbally eviscerate”……this is perfect. I usually call it “verbally bitch slapping”.

    ladyjane123 :  100% right. Saying all men are like this means 49% of the population is a collective piece of shit….either that’s a lie or I’m moving to Mars. The “locker room” excuse hasn’t been relevant since 1954.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee

    lemonlime93 :  his behavior is definitely rude. And I don’t get the “locker room” “boys will be boys” mentality. We all (hopefully) know wonderful men who wouldn’t even think those thoughts. Your Father-In-Law has been allowed to speak disgusting words his entire life. Say “rude” “ew” “gross” “inappropriate” “not okay” or whatever you need to and then leave. If you’re not in a position to leave (ex:in the car) be competely silent and whip out your cellphone. Ignore him and skim headlines or check email while he tries to put his foot into his mouth. 

    He will learn that you will not tolerate his inappropriate behavior. If he wants to have a relationship with you, he needs a filter. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 1983

    lemonlime93 :  Grooming you for as much as he can get away with, I should think. Keep away from him. Don’t ever let him get within a mile of any child you might have. I mean, that’s just how you are–you don’t like being around aggressive perverts. You’re odd that way!

    (Seriously, if your fiance is so deeply enmeshed in the family sickness about this that he can’t crawl out of the fog to see it for what it is, you may have to move on from him. Imagine this future father in law around your precious three-year-old daughter–just sickening. And very dangerous. Not happening.)

    Post # 26
    Member
    3754 posts
    Honey bee

    Gross. If he tries that again I’d tell him to knock it off, he’s being rude af and you’re not the least bit amused. Or turn it around and say “why would you ask that?” or “have you always been so rude?”.

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